xopinkxtinkox's Journal

Well, I basically decided I wanted to highlight my hair a different color. So, I went over to a friend's house and she did it for me. We bleached it, and I'm a dirty blonde, but it never turned white. It became a really light blonde, where I believe lies the problem. Anywho, so after she bleached it she put in the color and we left it for about two hours. Well, it was the color I wanted, but it faded away. And now it's practically all washed out. So I'm stuck with yucky light blonde hair. I want to redo the color but I think I should bleach it again, until it turns white. But I'm afraid it might fall out if I attempt again. Any suggestions on how long I should leave it in, it was in a little over an hour last time?

To those of you who haven't read my update box, because I rarely actually update it...LINIMV is officially ending in about five chapters. It's been a long run, but it's almost over. I am also going back and rewriting/revising/editing the first fifteen chapters which were absolute crap in my eyes. No major changes will be made. It will just be written better. The same tone and idealism of Roxy's begining journey shall remain intact. Thanks to all of you who have stuck by me for so long, sending me messages, encouraging me to continue. You'll never understand how much I appreciate that. And thanks to all of you delusional people who for some reason voted fives on my earlier chapters. I don't understand why, they sucked. Anywho, mucho gracias. This isn't the end for me, just for LINIMV. Who would have ever imagined I'd come this far? I sure didn't. It's well over two hundred typed twelve font pages. Amazing. Anywho, regarding False Pretenses, that will be updated after I have finished LINIMV, for good. This includes rewrites and all. Thanks so much everyone. But my dad found out I was writing a story, it just slipped out.He get's annoying -_- and now he wants me to publish it. Urgh, um no. I can't imagine my poorly written not to mention, embarrassing tales on a shelf for others to actually...buy?! He's crazy. But he's trying to sway me, saying it might be the way to getting that porsche I desire. That is, if they don't reject me. Which they most likely will. I fear rejection. Gah. So you will probably never see this anywhere besides here, on Quizilla. Off topic, well that's all. Thanks again guys, I mean it.

The title is self explanatory. Honestly I'm so sick of fucking stupid bitches. Alright, before I go off ranting how much I hate mankind and the female gender-yes I am apart of the damn cult-let me tell you what happened. My best friend got her first job this year, never had a boyfriend, no dates, nothing. Guess what, you guessed it, she fell for an employee. One of those kids from a broken home into alcohol, drugs, been to juvie. She likes the bad boys in the tight pants, whatever. Well today she was all upset because of some bitch, told her that he was 'gone'. No I don't know what kind of gone. So I asked her, gone to Ohio gone, gone to juvie gone, or the permanent kind of in the ground, pushing dasies gone? Pushing dasies, who really says that anymore. Anywho, so she asks me to go and text her 'friend' *cough*stupid neanderthal with NO vocabulary*cough* So since I'm a good friend, I did. I was all nice about it to. So this is her response: "I dont know whats going on with him. All i know is she should stop caring now because [screen boys name] never liked her. He was going to use her until he started thinking she was unattractive". Note: All I did was tell her my friend was upset and all she wanted to know was what kind of gone she meant, I even put in 'I don't mean to bother you' and all that jazz. But let's review; "He was going to use her until he started thinking she was unattractive?", what the fuck, for lack of better suiting words. Does that make ANY sense at all? Hmm, doesn't that sound like the jealousy of a stupid bitch? Plus she said he was using my  friend.Yet he came over to her house, kissed her, and talked to her out of his free will. But of course, she's right. And I'm the Queen of bloody England. So naturally, I'm angry. Some stupid naive arrachnid just insulted my friend and threatened her. So I'm going to take that lying down right? WRONG! And I was also very calm and, to my standards, nice when I wrote this; "I'm sorry, I can't ask her to stop caring. You can't either- no one can. Once [screen her name] met someone she cares, she can't help it. That was pretty mean to say. All she did was care about him and you're asking her to stop because of his [supposed] bad intentions. I'm sorry, but that's low. Thanks for the information. I'll pass it on." No less then a minute later, I recieve a call. With some, in the words of Sugar, two-faced wanker screaming a chain of obscenities into my ears about how I'm 'harrassing' her friend. Now someone please explain to me how, when all I do is try to help out my friend and speaking in total honesty, without any mocking or bad nature, am I the one harrasing her. But wait boys and girls, that's not all. Her response to my comment: "Im not being mean im being honest and you just crossed a line." Now to add insult to injury, she says I crossed a line? Hah, honestly, see what I mean. STUPID WHORE. But she did apologize on her crazy friend's behalf; "And sorry about my friend." So I try and give her another chance and make peace. "I don't think I crossed a line. I was just being honest. And yeah, she's sort of crazy. Please inform her I wasn't harrassing you, we were having a discussion. She needs some chill pills. No offense." Okay, recap, I explained how I didn't believe I was wrong, just honest. Which, I guess are sometimes one in the same. Then I only wrote how her wanker friend was "sort of crazy" when I should have wrote "that bitch is fucken nuts!". Psh, if that girl looks as bad as she talks, she's one ugly bitch. Plus, I added the infamous, no offense. You can't go wrong. Her final response, which too forever by the way: "Okay now go away." I just wanted to write all these thoughts on my take of this cow, but I decided. She isn't worth the energy to type all the words into my sidekick keyboard. So I didn't say anything else. But god, stupid bitches....what they do to me. So now I'm left with a foul taste in my mouth for dealing with such a toad unworthy of my breath or attention. I also want to track down their houses, tie them to a metal pole in the dead of New Jersey winter in only a t-shirt and watch them squirm. Not to mention get a few hits in. I'm always one for violence. So this is whay I hate girls, and mankind in general. Frankly, I much rather go the boy way. As in; beat the crap out of someone then ask "we cool?". That just seems so much easier and fun then all the damn things girls go through. Eh, so the moral of this story kiddies is; don't help friends out. They're not worth the spike in blood pressure.

I had noticed the oh so prompt journal updater and writer sweet-opium-nightmares, or Ms.Sugar as she likes to call herself, has disappeared off the face of Quizilla. This goes out to you Sugar, wherever you may be. It was so unusual to see you hadn't updated. Where did you go? Such an amazing writer with such talent and a realistic take on things. How could you leave? Well you shall be missed. For whatever reason you decided to leave I hope you are doing well somewhere else. Well, I know you are. You'll make sure of it. Just make sure to never be short of sarcastically witty and that endearing form of narcissim you like to indulge yourself in. You're to good for anything less. In your words you were in every way vulgar, and so convinving. Unlike so many people, you knew who you were and you were okay with that-heck you loved yourself. Not to many people can say that. Be so snug with the skin they live in. Take care Sugar. Mock the ignorant, watch the unsuspecting, and silence the idiots.

Today was my aunt's birthday. We headed over to her house around six. Everything was going fine until about an hour ago. We started arguing, my aunt, my uncle, my father, and my mother. Everyone was ganging up on me. Especially my father and his two siblings. They would say the past was history then bring up my old screw ups. I was trying to defend myself against my aunt. My biggest pet peeve is when someone's on a rant about me, and they're lying. I got a job this summer, I worked, I made my own money, and I decided to but my own phone, and pay my own bill. My aunt was exploding how I'm ungrateful and that my parents get me everything, she called me princess. Of course my parents have bought me things and supported me! No shit! It's their job to support me, but when I finally go out and get my own money and decide to use it however I choose, don't bitch at me. So this whole fight is over the stupid phone I bought with my own god damned money, that I made at my job. So like I said, my aunt and I were fighting, I stopped her mid rant. And she screams, "Can I finish?!", and of course I said, "No." And it carried on like that. "Yes!", "No!", "Yes", "No!". Each time we scream louder, "Yes!", finally I just screamed as loud as I could "NO!". She turned around and slapped me across the face. As shocked as I was, I'm sure I looked more angry then shocked. I was trying to get up, I wanted to beat the crap out of her. She has never hit me before, nor does she have the right-no one does, but her especially. She was holding me down, screaming. "You're not going anywhere!". My mother comes up to her and gets her off me. She's in tears, her voice cracking, but she's yelling. "Get off her, you have no right to hit her. You were yelling, but don't touch her!" Then everyone in the room starts yelling at each other. I just got up and left out the front door. Outside I can hear my mother yelling at everyone. They're all on my dad's side. She comes out minutes later screaming my name. She tells me to get in the car. She's in the drivers side. My dad comes and tells my mom to move. she tells him no, that she's driving. they start fighting. Him saying it's "His fucken car!". My mother still tells him she's driving. He tells her to get out or he'll pull her out. Now they're both arguing and shouting. My uncle opens the door and slides into the passenger seat. He's sticking up for his brother, my dad, and yelling at my mom. Everyone's yelling at one another so I just get out of the car and walk away. My mom soon emerges and she tells me to come on. She's starts walking down the road and my uncle calls out my name, but I ignore him. I walk behind my mother on the dark road, in the middle of seemingly no where suburbia, with un-lit streets. And I was too shocked and afraid to ask her where we were going. Soon she stops and links our arms together and we walk side by side. We start talking and I think as I'm walking about all the shit my mom has had to endure in her life. From being in a terrible scooter accident, which almost got her killed. To falling on a slippery floor and having her teeth go through her lip. Everyone ganging up on her, having to put up with my sister and I, and trying to sort through her own marriage issues. My mom is so strong and has been through so much and all she gets is crap in return. And it used to scare me, the thought of being just like her. But I finally understand what she's going through. To have no one-absolutely no one on your side. It's weird she had never stuck up for me before gainst my dad, but from my aunt she jumped on it. She stood up for me. I just love my mom so much. I hope she knows that. I would say this has been one of the longest nights of my life, but that'd be a lie. It was actually one of the shortest. Everything happened so fast. It all seems like a blur now. A really bad dream, but it's not. My family is so screwed up.

I know they would never read it anyway. They never read what I write. It’s too long, too sucky, and they can’t be bothered to read it. Their attention span won’t let them. They can’t take a few minutes for me, no one can. I’m not important enough. I’m not smart, or pretty, or obedient enough. I don’t care enough what people say about me to act stuck up and put on an act for everyone. What you see is what you get. I never asked anyone to like me. I would say I lie when someone asks if I’m okay, but I don’t. Because no one asks if I’m okay. And if they did, they don’t want my life story, they want me to say, “Yes, fine.” No one wants to hear it. It’s like making small talk when calling someone, just to be polite. Well I never did that anyway. I look at my writing and watch as I take up another page, my thoughts springing from my fingers so easily. From my heart to my hands, the words are written. I don’t even have to think twice. Or go back and see if that was thought out right. Everything is clear and makes sense and the words are rushing to me. There is no need to go back and see if what I wrote made sense, or if it was good enough in my mind. Because it’s what I think and no one can change that. They may influence, but no one has the power to change my thoughts. I can’t say they aren’t good enough, because they are what I believe with ever fiber of my being. They are what I feel and mean. And although I can express myself normally, it seems so much easier to sit down and write. Just let the words out. Watch the sentences build themselves and just read off the thoughts. It’s funny how when we have the most time to think, we don’t need it. Life’s ironic that way. I guess that’s what makes it special, or tolerable, or maybe just worth living. For those moments when you could say, that’s how life is. And not be able to compare it to anything else, because it’s not like anything else. As soon as I stop writing another thought comes and I’m off again, everything just connects in my mind, intertwines. An endless chain of familiarity or just things that are interrelated somehow. So many times I would find no one could find a chain in my jump from my subjects. They would be left confused and wondering what I was going on about. No one truly understands me, and I know I don’t understand myself, so I don’t expect anyone to. I guess I just expect someone to be just as confused and fucked up as I am, so maybe, just maybe we have enough in common to create an understanding. Maybe no one is the same, as similar we may seem at times. Maybe we’re like fingerprints, that not even twins share them. But then again I believe I may have the same fingerprint as someone else. Can someone say they went to every person in the world and compared them? I just know there has to be one at least that is identical to another. I guess, I need to believe in that. Because I have nothing else to believe in. I just have to believe something is the same. Some people share something and understand each other. Sometimes without the need of big words and elaborate sentences. Maybe with a nod or a gesture. I need to have hope in something, something so small, just to remember why I’m here, why I continue to live in a place, which hates me so much. Not because I’m better then them, because I’m not. Or because I’ll show them up later, because I need to hope someone somewhere knows exactly what I’m feeling right now. And for once in my life I’m not as alone as I feel. "One is the loneliest number you'll ever do", that’s what the song says, but I don’t believe that. Then again,  like they say, "Two can be as bad as one." You can be alone in a crowd or a group. You can be alone anywhere, it’s a sense of feeling, not physical being. That’s what I feel like, alone in a crowd. Where no one gets me and I'm pushed off to the side. Marking me as ‘broken’ or ‘hopeless’. Those people who got tired of me and don’t have the will to continue with me. It seems so many have given up on me. And I admit I wanted them to, because I didn’t want them to be disappointed later. So they wouldn't realize they wasted all their time on a lost cause. Because I know no one will take the time and try to get me. No one would bother just listening to me with unjudging ears, just listen so I have someone to talk to. No one was willing to do that for me. I would always worry about telling people about my problems, because afterward they’d be angry, or upset with me. No one said “It will be alright.”, even if it wouldn’t. No one had the heart to lie to me and stick by me. It was just more trouble then it’s worth to let someone in and talk about my problems. So they became secrets. Secrets I wish people would want to know, but no one does. I think that the only thing worse than having a secret, is having a secret no one wants to hear. I mean, what’s the point of something being a secret if no one wants to know about it? Sometimes my brain goes on autopilot, writing its own story. And I can’t get it to turn off, like now. I guess I always felt like the character in a book, narrating my own story. Everyone is their own writer and we’re all just characters in books. This is just my story.

Honestly, sometimes I think the world doesn't care two shits about me. My dad complains how my mother insults him, belittles him, is just all around unbearable to be around, when the truth is, he is the same. He treats me the same way. And the worst part is, he doesn't realize it. I think he understands it on a subconscious level. It's like a game, he'll make a comment, and it will hurt, but I have to avoid it. Maneuver around it and brush it off. He looks to see if he can get a reaction, I know, I do it too. But then he smiles, and laughs. Like nothing just happened. Nothing had passed between us. Like for an instant my brain hadn't registered how much he dislikes me. It only gets worse around my sister, but I doubt he sees it, he would deny it if I told him anyway. I don't understand, it's like he's trying to impress my sister. I don't get it. And even when I have my own problems to deal with no one seems to care. People tell me I'm not alone, but when I need someone I have no one. I never ask anyone for help, because I have no one to go to. No one I can rely on, trust, 110%. I don't have that, though I am that to others. I never believed in treat those how you would like to be treated. Who listens to that crap anyway? No one, that's who. I just feel, trapped. Like I can't tell anyone anything, even if I wanted to. I guess I'm a very open person, I'll tell you anything you want to know, but don't pry. I let people know what I want them too and they take it as they wish. Believe what they want and use the information I give them however they choose to. But my secrets are my own, and I have so many it's unbelievable. I share so much with the world, yet it seems to knock me off my feet, and mock me for being so foolish, so naive. As to actually want to share information. It's funny how no one wants what's there. They always want what no one else has, or knows. They want it for themselves, so selfish. I just feel like I have no one to share anything personal with. And the two people who are supposed to know me best, really, know nothing about me. They can't comfort me, or give me advice, like I do for them. They can only confide in me about their lives, and their problems. And inform me about the things they want to do. And my thoughts, my ideas, my problems-my life, is brushed aside. I'm sick of playing second best. I want someone to listen to me, really listen. Not just hear me, because who cares what you hear if the words don't make sense. It's like listening to those stupid songs you can never figure out the real words to. They seem so stupid, they don't make sense. I guess I still can't believe my two best friends I've known since first grade know nothing about me - wait - I do believe it, I just don't want to. And that is the problem with people today, using words so loosely, their meanings forgotten. They mistake the most common concepts. Most of the time people can believe something, so it is not unbelievable, they just wish they didn't. The most ironic notion too is I'm writing this in Notepad, since I have no one to talk to, like a diary. Where I will proceed to post it on my Quizilla journal, where my two best friends can see in plain view. Along with the rest of the Quizillian community, but it will remained untouched. A virgin, for eyes will never read its never-ending words, in the form of detailed sentences. No one will care to read about the misfortunes of poor pathetic crybaby Ashley. No, no one will even so much as grace my words with a glance. But I had written this for myself anyway. Because, I am what I am. And I am alone.

Alrightie, since no one seems to have an opinion on my revenge story...or care, I am going to do as I intended. The next part will be the last. I'm going away to Mexico for a week. I leave tonigh [technically tomorrow] before five AM. So I won't be here to post it for that long. Also, since that series will be ebding, and I'm an insomniac, and I'm a bored insomniac, and I'm a hopeless romantic bored insomniac, I have another story to post. I got bored a few days ago and started it. It's a similar theme to my other stories, much like my Revenge Never Went So Unplanned story. Enemies second question their feelings sort of thing. what can I say I'm a sappy hopeless romantic who doesn't believe in true love outside the reality of books and movies. Eh, we all have our preferences. Anyways, have two parts of that written up. It's called False Pretenses: Kissing Your Enemy Can Only Lead To Trouble I've been loving the long titles lately. You can thank MCR and FOB for that. So, revenge ending and false pretenses beginning. I'm posting two parts tonight. I have NO clue where I'm going with this story. It was just an idea. I haven't written in third person in a long tme so we'll see how that goes. I wasn;t really to fond of switching POV, that's why I tend to write things in first person, makes them feel more real. like the characters are speaking to you and you're not just an onlooker. Gosh I'm rambling again. Sorry. That's all.

-Ashley ♥

Okay the title has NOTHING to do with what I'm talking about. But it was interesting was it not? Anyvays, I really am not feeling the title for The New Girl. I looked it up and lots of people have it. I sometimes see it on the recently added list. It just feels to me like it lost it's creativity, which is why once again I am posing to change it. I really like the title: Revenge Never Went So Unplanned. I don't know, it came to me, seemed more creative than my original title. I know not a big debate, whatever, but still. It bugs me, oh how it bugs me. I just wanted you, my readers, or considerate, caring, or seemingly caring people, to state how you feel about it and what you think. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, please write away. But so far I really like that title and am motivated to change 27 chapters plus the character profiles, which I wonder why I even wrote them since I don't do them for any other story, nor do I like doing them. Getting off topic. Yeah, so comments, concerns, tell me! Please...*bats eyelashes and hands out cookies* Oh and if you liked my very spur of the moment and random story The Blind and The Blond, tell me if you'd like to see it as a series. No guarantees, I just want to see the feedback and popularity of it. It was totally random and just came to me so I typed it. It has no story line or plot. I just wrote whatever came to mind and fit in, so keep that in mind. Gosh this was longer than intended as usual. But please tell me these things, I like to know.

-Ashley

I know I've been a lazy arse not updating and all. AND I still have yet to update. Apologies all around. Well, I've had lots of school work, and I've been sick, still currently sick....and my friend's sweet sixteen is today, and I think I woke up with pink eye today, and if that's not good enough, the evil monthly utiral shreading is upon me and decided to make my face break out into a million and a half zits. My life, lovely I know. So those are my pointless and numerous amounts of excuses as to why I have yet to drag my lazy half dead self write anything for the few good and I work under the assumption. psychotic people, read. Once again, sorry. I know my excuses are lame and self absorbed, but my life at the moment is competign with that of an underprivliged Ethiopian child, okay, maybe not. I'm not covered in flies and my kitchen has a decent amount of food, not that I've been eating anyway...But yeah. That is my sob story, feel free to be sorry for me and send me cookies. I know you won't but imaginary cookies are good too. I think the cold medicine is making me more delusional than usual. I will update when I get the chance and no longer feel like the living undead. That's the scoop, as the title justifies. Ashley out. Heh always wanted to say that, makes me feel important, just don't ask. It's better not to. Also it has come to my attention that people think that I get annoyed when people send me messages, I don't. In all honesty, I don't really get many, not that I'm insinuating anything....but I love to get mail. Even if I did get a ton of it where I'd be virtually buried, I still like to read peoples thoughts and comments. I love to talk online, not on the phone, but online for hours. So mail is awesome, just saying. Someone wrote something in my last post about being afraid to write or something.

I'm so sick of everyone treating me like shit right now. Everyone has nothing nice to say about me and can't even fake it when talking to me. I do it everyday, faking a smile. I'm sick of life-my life. I dont think I want to write anymore. No one cares anyway. I'm being emo/drama queen. I don't care. This is how I feel, and I deserve to show it once in my life.

It's that time again when I act like a bitch and ask all you lovely people to make me some banners. ^.^ Since my photoshoping skillets are only put to good use when coloring cars *cough*porsche*cough* >.< someone who could make me one for any of mehz stories would spectacawesome, yesums I just made up a word. That's how I roll. O.O Note to self never say 'that's how I roll' again. Anyvays, so if anyone is nice enough or bored enough to make me banner(s) that would be as I said, spectacawesome. :D Well if there are any people who are willing to make mehz banners you can spam cookie (my c box) or reply here, or stalk me on AIM, not that I do that *shifty eyes* Mehz screen name be xopinkxopalox and mehz emil is xopinkxopalox. So that behz about it....I know i put too mans hz at the end of things and I talk to much...sorry. Gah! Shut up Bob, I know you want a cookie darn it. o.O Once again sorry. Voices in my head loud and annoying. Shutting up! x_x

In my boredom and insomnia I have decided to make people layouts. If they want one. It will look like mine with your choice of picturec, colors, and music. So if you want one, post here or message me. happy new years!

-Ashley

I redid my homepage and put in this background that's really big. It usually just takes a while to load *cough*stupid dsl*cough* but now it doesn't want to load at all. Why? no clue. If you could see if it's showing please tell me. Because I'm not sure if it's just my computer or some other problem I'll have to worry about -_-

I was thinking about writing Christmas special for The New Girl. I had something in mind, but I don't know if I should. It would not in any way interfer with the story plot. Well post what you think about it. If you want me to write it out, post here. Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to all non-Christmas related holiday celebrators.

Erm uh does anyone know why the heck the new story creator is spazzing? It won't publish anyones stories. *Bites nails* Well if anyone knows please inform this mentally confused person, AKA me. That would just be lovely. Thankies as always.

-Ashley

Okay some of you may have realized I am mentally unstable/insane as it is, but you guys drive me bonkers. Yes I just said bonkers that's how nuts I am. Anyway-my stories get like anywhere from 20 to over 100 hits and at most six votes. Holy shizzle people unless you want me to be like ghetto gangster on crack you better rate. Sorry that sounded like a threat, let me reword that. The future of my updates rest in your hands. Yeah I went all star war-y or maybe it was some other movie where the fate of humanity lies on one person's shoulders. Getting sidetracked. My mind works in strange ways. Somedays I can write for hours at a time, others I can't type a darn word. But if you want those somewhat daily updates to continue you will return the favor and rate. It can be a flippin' 1 for all I care, just show some initiative. Sometimes I feel I write for my own amusement, which is fine. I will continue, but it will be for my personal gain and I will stop publishing them on here. The few who do read my pathetic randomness will be left to hating me and being sad, but if no one can take two seconds to rate, no one will get updates. I know unfair, life is unfair get used to it. So if you enjoy my randomly weird shizzle rate! I don't write and then save them making you people wait. I appreciate that you guys read, but it's aggravating. The minute I write it, I spell check it, and publish it and spell check it again. I work hard to make my writing more enjoyable for everyone who reads it. PLEASE, begging here down on knees and all, rate, for the sake of my sanity, which I have little of, rate!

-Ashley

Today is my fifteenth birthday woohoo! Finally after what seems like endless waiting, I finally turn fifteen. I got my little nano and went to see happy feet today. Nothing like seeing cute dancing penguins and eating o_o wax covered cake. All in all it was fun, and now I'm bored sooooooo I might update today. Probably TTAE. Maybe the others too...maybe. Rate and message me please.

-Ashley ^_^

Are their any nice people out there willing to make me some banners for my stories? I looked at them and they look so plain. If no one wants to I totally understand...but if someone makes me a banner. Whatever story it's meant for I promise to update next. Please send all banners or url's to xopinkxopalox@hotmail.com or my aim xopinkxopalox

Thankie ^_^

-Ashley

Gah! I literally spent THREE, 3, TRES, and every other way to say three, hours retyping my spanish notes yesterday. Yeah, it was a lot. And trust me when you're typing in a language you don't understands it feels even longer, but anyways. I was able to update TTAE today. Also, please help out coco.puff and dustmitebuny. Someone keeps plagerizing coco's stories. Help her out by reporting them HERE. So in happier spirits (don't ask where I pulled that one from) no school tomorrow! Woohhooo! Expect updates people. It still makes me madder than an ant with a magnifying glass hovering over it on a sunny day that my story parts reach around 20-30 hits each. It wouldn't kill ya' to rate people. Believe me I do it and I'm still here. If you guys can't do that I wont love you and update so much anymore.