Comments on xblabbyxxgabbyx's Journal

I have this extreme need to vent.

here's some thing new. I'm about to start school, yet i have this feeling like I've left myself behind. Like who I was, isnt who I want to be anymore, but then again, I dont really want to be who I'm becoming.
My life has been a joke all my life, I was this loud outgoing flirt, and now I feel sad, and like I dont even want to leave the house. Which is not me at all. I dont know, I feel the need to change, but idk how, I enjoy myself alot. My old self? I'm so confused. I'm 15 idk if its just growing up or what, but it sucks.
I feel like if i just change my style, I may be satisfied. I've always wanted to wear colored skinny jeans, band tees, and have my hair have purple in it, but i've always been this preppy bohiman princess. I dont know if its becuase thats what my mom wants me to be or what, but i REALLY want to change from it. I dont like any of my clothes anymore, excpect a few. But its not like i have the money to go out and get new clothes, and neither do my parents, so I guess this much needed change will just have to wait?
The thing is, I cant stand myself right now, my heart feels heavy, but I cant cry. And all i want to do is cry, I feel pathetic, esspecially becuase i have no real talent, and my dreams are all SO far fetched, and everyone seems to want what I want, and I have nothing to fall back on. I dont know who or what I'm going to be.
and to be honest,
the future scares me to death.