So testosterone boys and harlequin girls, will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?
Latest Journal Entry
November 22, 2005
My friend just tried to kill herself. Scary feeling. Even if she's only a friend online I still care. Ever since I got my messenger I was her friend. That was almost two years ago. We'd joke and have fun. Role play and listen to each other's problems. It was great times. Until I was trying my hardest not to scream at the computer screen. She told me she cut her wrists and she was telling me it hurt to type. And her vision was becoming blurried. I was shaking and crying. I usually don't cry when people die, but at this it was like Niagra Falls was coming out of my eyes. I had no idea how she was doing. I felt so helpless trying to not scream at the monitor,"DON'T DO IT! I'D MISS YOU! YOU'RE LIKE MY SISTER PLEASE DON'T!" But then she told me she couldn't feel anything anymore and she was going to lay down. Then a little pop up appeared,"Victoria is no longer available." I just snapped. My heart was torn in two and I just broke down. I cried harder than I've ever cried before. I wrote little messages, hoping she'd be alright. But there was no reply. I signed off, ran into my room and threw myself onto the bed crying and gazed up at the mirror watching the tears flow. I ran back to the computer, signed on to see what happened. There was nothing. The process repeated itself another three times, and I got up, checking one last time and saw her name online. I scrambled and clicked on it typing a quick message and it was her brother. I gulped a little swallowing tears and asked if she was alright. And I heard the best thing I've ever heard in my life. "Hello? This is her brother. She's fine. She's got bandages on and she's asleep" we talked a few minutes more and I asked about her condition. She came back on a little talking to me, but she told me she had untied her bandages again. I told her how much i loved her and I wanted her to stay alive. To look forwards to the good things in life, but she didn't listen. And then I talked to her brother, trying my hardest not to yell at the computer screen. Telling him to call 911, do something! Get the family up and have them do something! But he tells me that she's unconsious, and she's bleeding too hard through the bandages. I tell him to do anything! Just something until he tells me this,"Aly,shes gone.How do you want me to help her?" I break down. She's gone. She's dead. She's left me here. I feel awful. But then he tells me he's going to check her pulse to see if she's still alive. And.. SHE'S ALIVE! He tells me he's calling 911 then signs off. Hopefully she'll be alright....
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