theabandoned's Journal

if any of you have myspace...add me @: www.myspace.com/bleedingiscomfort if any of you have msn...add me @: mondaymorningfan@hotmail.com if any of you have yahoo...add me @: mondaymorningfan09@yahoo.com okay and i'll always talk i promise!

add me on myspace: www.myspace.com/bleedingiscomfort on msn: mondaymorningfan@hotmail.com on yahoo: mondaymorningfan09@yahoo.com add me, i'm bored and wanna talk to someone. pleese?

boys=icky boys=make you cry boys=break your heart boys=lie too much boys=complete jackasses[excuse my french] boys=too much trouble boys=confusing boys=can't make up their mind boys=want what they want boys=don't know what they want boys=lozers boys=not worth it boys=a waste of time boys=too much hurt boys=too many tears boys=send mixed signals boys=heartbreakers boys=players boys=cheaters boys=liars boys=stupid CONCLUSION: boys=icky.....yet: boys=something us girls don't want to live without.... we go through the heartache, heartbreak, pain, tears, and defeat..... isn't that enough to show you BOYS that we GIRLS do LOVE YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Life is worsening and I'm at the end of my rope, yet I hold firmly to my grip on reality...but soon the grip begins to loosen. What happens then, I cannot fortell, for I do not know. Maybe I'll finally slip into insanity...maybe this will be my awakening from insanity. I guess it's just based on opinion. Opinion. Isn't that what everyone has? Everyone, even those who insist they do not have it. They do. They think on it, deep into the bottom of their soul, they think on it. Souls. The devil holds souls. It's almost as if he buys them. Trades them. Your soul, for your greatest desire. Even trade. As I said, life is worsening. I do believe I am slowly slipping into the realm of insanity. Insanity. Just the word sounds demonic. Demonic powers grip my mind. Tearing it...deteriorating...my mind is leaving body...my soul will live on. I do believe...I do. Insanity........ A child cries...I hear her suffering...I know her pain. Child, open your eyes to the reality, the real reality, there's so much to gain. Open your eyes, open your heart, open your very soul...... To the world. This world. This horrible, cruel, cynical world... Hopes and dreams are calling you...set goals. Achieve them. Decieve them... I do not care...what you do is fine by me, achievements to one person are decievements to another...it's just a matter of...opinion.

i hate me. i have no one. i want to die. goodbye.

Why? Why do friendships die? Why do people lie? Why do things have to fade? Why do ties have to break? Why do tears have to shed? Why do lives have to be ruined? Why does life have to end? Why do people forget? Why don't people forgive? Why don't people believe? Why don't people trust? Why does love end? Why do hearts shattered? Why did THIS have to happen?

You look at me, ashamed, ashamed I played this game. You said I broke a heart, but before I had a chance to start, my explaination, you screamed out in frustration, WHY? WHY am I the way I am? Don't show concern, you don't give a damn. Don't act at all as if you care. My heart, all I have left, I share you stomp it, rip it to shreds. You have cut me, I have bled. I cut myself just to bleed, to know I'm human and I still need. I did, so you shall. You hurt me, my heart you fouled. I'm lost, lonely, and unforgiven, but could it be because I was mislead? You have cut me, I have bled. I'M HUMAN. I have wants, I have needs, yet I guarantee, you cut yourself, you won't bleed. So what's the need? Why must you start? Even begin to break my heart? I'm lost, mislead, misguided. I see your feeling, so don't fight it. I'm crying here, all alone, pick up the phone, call me, you may save my life, before, finally, I decide to swipe, the blade across my wrist it's you I'll miss. Love always from a tender heart, that was sadly TORN APART. For all those people who are there... A heart heals. Tears dry. Broken ties mend. Grudges are forgotten. People forgive. Things get...better. Keep hanging on...your life is worth it.

As thoughts swirl in my mind they're all about you, as I'm sure you'll find. I love you, but I can't let you know. I'll miss you, but I'll just let you go. You're with her, it's her you chose. So my heart shall stay this way, shattered and froze. You broke it, you know, you did it alone, but it'll mend, though yours will be broken now that I'm gone. I'm never coming back, I never will return. I loved you, I lost you, and it was my heart you burned. Now it's shattered, and upon each piece, your name. Don't fight it, don't try to pass the blame. It's your fault! Yours, only yours. I cry as my knees hit the cold concrete floors. I sob out, in pain, in anguish, in thought of being without. All I asked for was you, but I should've knew, you couldn't commit. I'll never forget. I'll just admit, I loved you. I lost you. I miss you. Now that I'm gone will you think of me? Consider that just maybe we could be? I'm gone, I'm sorry, now I regret. How could I have let, it get this far? It was my heart I let you char and burn. The fires of hell surround me, I want to return! But I let myself forget. Now I must live with regret. You held me, you broke me. Now we can never be. Because I'm no longer here. Don't shed a false tear. Listen to the pleasent toll of the church bell as I, I burn in hell. Because I had a broken motive from a shattered exsistence. And to think, with a little persistance, you could've saved me. You may think your life is not worth living... but think about it... what would you rather endure, little teenage problems that last for now and no longer or the burning flames of hell that last for... ETERNITY?

:) Let's just start this blog off with that... OMG...I saw that "special someone" saturday...i SO hope he likes me...i think he still likes emily...but...i hope not. he's so cute. very cute. and funny. and sweet. and nice. and CHRISTIAN! that part makes me extra happy. and he makes me smile. and he makes me laugh. and he makes me happy. i'm never happy but thinking of him makes me happy. idk, i didn't mean to make this all personal and mushy but...oh well...i guess i just like him so much. but he doesn't like me. and this makes me sad... anyways i saw him but totally embarassed myself cause i was watching him and not where i was going...and...i slipped in some water/soda...and fell on my butt and busted my elbow and my knees and my butt...it was funny and rather fun but kinda hurt. anyways...he helped me up. and gave me 2 hugs...and idk it made me happy. in that moment i was perfectly content. the 1st hug he gave me i was just waving and i think he thought i was trying to give him a hug...well....i wasn't going to correct him! and the 2nd hug he gave me...idk he probably just gave it to me cause i hurt myself...in his presence. idk. but i was happy... P.S. ending on a sadder note...okay so if you read my blog about the guy that left me for another girl then got the other girl pregnant...she had a miscarrage. I cried my eyes out. I still love him and it hurts to see him hurt. :(

yeah so i'm stuck. i like two people. one lives here, quite close to me actually. the other lives in georgia, quite far away. what do i do? i really like them both. and they both like me. :'( i need help. ethan(guy that lives near me) or jamie(guy that lives in georgia) ???????????????????????????????? HELPHELPHELPHELPHELPPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GUESS WHAT! I MET SOMEONE! AND HE'S PERFECT! (TO ME ANYWAY) AND HE'S REALLY SWEET AND A SUPER GOOD CHRISTIAN! I

okay i am mad. the guy i was talking to/ "with" for 8 months...got his new girlfriend PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!omg i am so effing pissed. i have the worst luck with relationships. and it ISN'T my fault. SOMEONE HELP ME PLZ!!!!

GUYS. WHY WHY WHY are they always determined to break my heart!!!!! Okay, here's a list of guys...and what I have to say to them. ZAK-I love you like a brother my little zaky-poo, even though you broke my heart more than you'll ever know. TYLER .C.-You hurt me more than I could ever explain, I liked you for two years, how could you do such a horrible thing to me? I'm sorry, but it will be really hard for me to find it in myself to forgive you. But as always, I will. TYLER .H.-Okay, you were a real asshole. I didn't even really like you, until you started talking to me and putting on a show, acting like you liked me. You tried to do all those things to me I didn't want you to, then you would get mad when I wouldn't want you to. Then I finally think I can be with you even though you're a huge pervert, you go back to your ex? And then you don't even TELL me? You just try to get all over me when ya'll are working on getting back together? That is unforgivable, but I don't hold a grudge against you. I don't believe what you did was right, but I don't hate you. I really liked all these guys...actually fell in love with #2. How do I know I was in love. I still loved him after all this happened and no matter what he did to me, I was still wishing to be with him. He's all I thought about. I've had boyfriends since, but he was always on my mind. If I had a date with my boyfriend, but Tyler .C. needed me for something, I would break my date with my boyfriend. I don't do that anymore. I don't believe I really love him anymore. His image is fading from my mind, actually I hardly think of him anymore, but when I see him...grrrrrrrrr...I don't wanna feel this way anymore! I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE WHO WILL RETURN MY AFFECTIONS!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO CARE, DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well...I got asked to prom, and today I'm going to get my hair cut and dyed, and I'm getting my eyebrows done. And tomorrow I'm going to shop for my dress, shoes, jewelry, and everything else. And I'm gonna get my hair done, and my make-up done, and my nails painted. I'm so happy. Even though the guy that asked me is like my best guy friend, I know I'm going to have the best time ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well today I had a breakdown...I was headed up the staircase at my school and when I almost got to my locker, I collapsed on the floor and started sobbing and shaking. I spent the majority of my lunch sitting by my locker, crying and shaking pretty violently. Then...when I got home I picked up and old bad habit...that involves my arm, something sharp, and blood. I used to not want anyone to know about that, but now I'm pretty open about it and don't care, if they wanna know what happened I'll tell them. If you wanna become friends and talk to me and hear more about what happened today (and every other day of my miserable life) message me.