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softballsami999's Journal

May 9, 2008

OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg, A.P. history is officiall over! I am in such a wonderful mod rite now, the relief is phenomenal! I took the national test today and I think I did ok, I think I got a 3 possibly a 4. Which is amazing cuz that means I get college credit!!!! Me and my friends are going to have a party and burn all of our history stuff, and trust me it's a lot. There's almost a sadness to the fact that it's over, it was my fav class even if it was extremely hard. Well i think I'm going to go sing now.. . . . .

posted at 2:50 pm EDT | 0 comments

April 27, 2008

Friends... I might havve to live without them... Problem

So I've been really good friends with Dill for over a year and we talk about pretty much everything and I'm also amazing friends with his girlfriend Mel, we get pretty crazy sometimes especially when fueled with sugar. But apparently Mel thinks that Dill is mind cheating on her with me and that he'd rather be with me than her. I know that isn't true and I think deep down she does too but her stinking family thinks that Dill "flirts" with me and he sooo doesn't and I think they're the ones who planted the seed of doubt in her head. I don't know what to do, cuz Dill completely and utterly loves Mel, I know that for a fact but mel might actually believe that she rather be with ME. Yea rite but I guess I can see her point a little, we were at his house last week and Dill started to get all upset near the end and he wouldn't tell us why so when Mel left I asked him and promised to not lecture him and he told me what was going on. He told Mel that nite on the phone too. but the next day at school Mel found out that he had told me first and so now she's all upset and she thinks that he wanted to go out with me. I really don't know what to do. First of all I would never hut Mel and Dill, Secondly I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love so what do I do???? Do u think Mel would b happier if I just stopped being friends with Dill?

posted at 12:34 pm EDT | 6 comments

April 23, 2008

Teenager's View of Heaven

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write
something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was
like. "I wowed '," he later told his father, Bruce.
"It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I
ever wrote.." It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997 , the day after Memorial
Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when
his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County
and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck
unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was
electrocuted.

The Moore's framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it
among the family portraits in the living room. "I
think God used him to make a point. I think we were
meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs.
Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to
share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm
happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll
see him."


Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found
myself in the room. There were no distinguishing
features except for the one wall covered with small
index card files. They were like the ones in libraries
that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical
order. But these files, which stretched from floor to
ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had
very different headings. As I drew near the wall of
files, the first to catch my attention was one that
read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began
flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked
to realize that I recognized the names written on each
one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where
I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude
catalog system for my life. Here were written the
actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail
my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and
curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I
began randomly opening files and exploring their
content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a
sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look
over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends
I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane
to the outright weird "Books I Have Read," "Lies I
Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have
Laughed at ." Some were almost hilarious in their
exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others
I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger",
"Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My
Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the
contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected.
Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the
sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be
possible that I had the time in my years to fill each
of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each
card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own
handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have
watched", I realized the files grew to contain their
contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after
two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the
file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of
shows but more by the vast time I knew that file
represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I
felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file
out only an inch, not willing to test its size and
drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been
recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One
thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these
cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to
destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out.
Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn
the cards. But as I took it at one end and began
pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a
single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card,
only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to
tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to
its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let
out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have
Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than
those around it, seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled
on its handle and a small box not more than three
inches long fell into my hands. I could count the
cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep
that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook
through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out
of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The
rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes.
No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock
it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the
tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I
watched helplessly as He began to open the files and
read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response.
And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His
face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why
did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and
looked at me from across the room. He looked at me
with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't
anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my
hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put
His arm around me. He could have said so many things.
But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files.
Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file
and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on
each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could
find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from
Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there
it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The
name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His
blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad
smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll
ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next
instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and
walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is
finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room.
There was no lock on its door. There were still cards
to be written.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens
me."-Phil. 4:13 "For God so loved the world that He
gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall
not perish but have eternal life." If you feel the
same way repost it so the love of Jesus will touch
their lives also.

My "People I shared the gospel with" file just got
bigger, how about yours?

posted at 6:12 pm EDT | 5 comments

April 17, 2008

Messages r fixed!!!

Yay, my messages r finally fixed, i can talk to ppl again! this is quite a happy moment, i think i'll have a prty. lol jk but finally the problem is fixed and things can go back to normal. or as snormal as things ever r. lol enjoy life my friends!

posted at 7:23 pm EDT | 5 comments

April 14, 2008

talk to me here, love

ok, this is very frustrating not being able to talk to ppl so, my love if u wanna talk to me here u can. even though the messages r all screwy bc of scammers we can still talk on here. my love, u know who u are....

posted at 5:50 pm EDT | 53 comments

April 13, 2008

Quizilla ruins everything....

I swear, this website really gets on my nerves sometimes. I went to check my messages this morning and NONE were there and I had over 3000 last night.... I don't think I'm going to b able to recieve messages anymore but I can still send them, which is really weird. I don't know but this REALLy sucks and this is the 2nd fricken time it's happened except last time I couldn't send messages but I could recieve them.... UGH! THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!

posted at 12:31 pm EDT | 10 comments

April 2, 2008

The Language of Love {I didn't write it, but it's good}

Kissing Language Thingy
The Language of Kissing

Kissing Language (yup, it's a language)
if a kiss is the Language of Love,
then we have a lot to talk about it...

methods of Love....

kiss on the ear--------------------"i'm horny"
kiss on the cheek-----------------"we're friends"
kiss on the hand------------------"i adore you"
kiss on the neck-------------------"we belong together"
kiss on the shoulder--------------"i want you"
kiss on the lips---------------------"i love you" or "i want you"
holding hands-----------------------"we can learn to love each other"
a wink---------------------------------"Let's get it on"
slap on the butt---------------------"thats mine"
playing with the ear----------------"i can't live without you"
holding on tight---------------------"don't let go"
looking into each other's eyes---"let's get romantic"
pulling hair on head---------------"tell me you love me"
arms around the waist -----------"i love you too much to let go"

=advice=
if you're kissing someone, close your eyes. it's not nice to stare...

=requirements=
post this again after reading!!...or you'll have a bad year of relationship



If you REALLY LIKE (or LOVE) SOMEONE right now AND MISS THEM and can't get them out of your head... repost this!
  

posted at 11:55 pm EDT | 4 comments

March 30, 2008

This isn't funny.... plz read!

Isnt it funny that when you go to the shops with your friends you look down at the girl with black jeans and studs but smile at the girl wearing a mini skirt with a tshirt that barely cover anything?
Isnt it funny you can change your music taste to impress a guy but when it comes to a girl who likes her own music and her own style, you give her a mouthful?
Isnt it funny that a guy can get away with being a gangsta but the emo gets a mouthful from everyone
are you laughing?
Isnt it funny an emo can be quiet all through the week but gets more shit from everyone than the girl who sleeps around and sells her virginity?
Isnt it funny that you dont mind your friends drinking, smoking but the minute someone mentions emo music you can give them a lecture on melodramatic teenage outcasts?
im not laughing
Its so funny that you and your friends can make a girls life hell and not know anything about the silent battle she might be fighting.
Isnt it funny that you can call emos, punks, goths the retards but still manage to get through your day without an inch of guilt in your heart.
HOW YOU CAN CALL A GIRL A POSER, HOW CAN YOU SAY "YOUR NOT EMO" OR "ATTENTION SEEKER" WITHOUT SPENDING A SECOND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THERE ARE CUTS ON HER WRISTS AND WHY SHE SPENDS HER LUNCHTIMES CRYING INSTEAD OR LAUGHING WITH HER FRIENDS
keep on laughing....cuz this isn't funny.
Isnt it funny you can say and do all this without any idea of what is going on in this persons life
without knowing her situation with her friends
or her family
or her LIFE
BRAVE ISNT GOING UP ON STAGE AND STRIPPING
BRAVE IS NOT SAYING A SPEECH
OR DUMPING YOUR BOYFRIEND BRAVE IS GOING TO SCHOOL ON MUFTI DAY AND NOT FOR A SECOND CARE WHAT THE WHORES AROUND YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES
ITS LISTENING TO YOUR OWN MUSIC AND BEING PROUD OF IT
ITS GOING THROUGH EVERY DAY WITH THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY TO YOUR FACE AND BEHIND YOUR BACK AND YOU STILL KEEP QUIET
ITS KNOWING WHAT YOUR "FRIENDS" ARE SAYING ABOUT YOU AND STILL CALLING THEM YOUR FRIENDS
BRAVE IS KNOWING THAT TOMOROW ISNT A BRIGHT AND HAPPY FUTURE
ITS ANOTHER DAY OF BITCHING AND DODGING RUMORS
Keep on laughing... cuz this isn't funny.

posted at 8:22 pm EDT | 9 comments

March 29, 2008

I can't believe it! I finally updated my story!

Guess what? The fourth chapter of Dawn's First Light is published! It's taken me forever but it's finally done! I was caught by the writer's block bug, lol. Maybe I'm finally over it. We'll see. Maybe I'll b able to update The Redeemer too! Lemmie know what u guys think of the new chapter!

posted at 3:06 pm EDT | 1 comments

March 27, 2008

This is GROSS!!!!!

Ok I was going through my closet a couple of days ago and u know what i found? MOLD! Green disgusting spots all over my back wall. So yesterday we got everything out of my closet and washed it. Today we're going to tear out my wall and take the wood to the dump then we're going to Lowe's to buy cedar wood and some insulation to put back on my wall. Then tomorrow we're going to have to work on redoing my wall and putting everything back in my closet. My house is so freeekin old, i hate it. This makes my spring break fun doesn't it? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted at 12:39 pm EDT | 8 comments

March 12, 2008

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess what! My messages are finally fixed! I'm so happy because I've been so frustrated with the stupid quizilla ppl who took forever to fix the problem. I can finally send ppl messages! I'm bouncing off the walls right now . . . ok so part of that might have something to do with the fact that i had some hot chocolate during 8th period today. heehee lol =D

posted at 6:04 pm EDT | 2 comments

March 11, 2008

Happy Happy ... and a little mad

Ok so as most of u know by now I'm in love with John. So my teacher today was like, "teenagers can't really have love they're not mature enough and they don't know what it really is. They haven't had enough experiences to truly say they're in love" I was pretty mad . . . it ruined my happy mood for part of the day. What do you guys think? I've always thought teenagers were just as capable of finding love as ppl in their 20's and beyond but then again I never thought I'd find love but I did. So I'm happy about that and a little ticked off at my teacher.

posted at 10:55 pm EDT | 5 comments

March 9, 2008

I'm in love !!

I'm in love with the most amazing guy ever and his name is John. He makes me feel like no one has ever made me feel before, for once I feel alive and happy and I know he feels the same because he loves me too. I can't think about anything but him because he means the world to me. I gave him my heart and he's given me his and I want to be with him forever. I know that some ppl say that I don't know what love is because I'm only 15 but there ever were two ppl who loved each other it is me and John. And if you read this John I just want to let you know that my love for you is never ending and even if u can't here my voice I'm always right beside you because I live inside your heart.

posted at 2:23 pm EDT | 13 comments

March 8, 2008

I'm sorry! will all my friends plz read!

I'm really sorry I can't send you messages. You guys keep sending me messages asking if I'm mad at you and the answer is NO!!!!!!!!!!!I know it's frustrating, but I'm trying to be patient with the Quizilla ppl who SAID they were trying to fix the problem. So if I don't send u any messages it's because I can't not because I'm mad or because I ditched you. Hopefully I'll get to send you all messages soon but until then plz b patient, I don't want you to think I'm angry because I'm not.

posted at 11:49 am EST | 3 comments

March 7, 2008

SO SCARED!!!

I am really stressed right now because I've got the O.G.T. next week! If I don't pass it then I can't graduate. . . oh this is horrible! I really want to do good and I know the reading and writing portion will be fine for me but I'm worried about the math b/c algebra isn't my best subject. The history, well I'm in A.P. so no prob there. Ah I could use a big break!

posted at 8:01 pm EST | 8 comments

March 5, 2008

URGH! Still not fixed!

Okay this is very frustrating! Quizilla still hasn't fixed my msg's problem, they sent me an e-mail that they were but I still can't write to anybody. To my bf on here (u know who u are, lol) I still can't talk to u yet but I hope I can soon. This is very annoying that I can't write a message.URGH!

posted at 3:19 pm EST | 5 comments

March 4, 2008

HELP HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELP ME! my computer is being gay! it won't let me send a message to anyone!!!!!!!!! and i don't know why! has this ever happened to anyone else? someone help me! It won't let me message!!!!!!!

posted at 11:14 pm EST | 3 comments

March 1, 2008

WRITER'S BLOCK!!!!

AH! I hate writer's block! I can't think of what to write next in either of my stories, "Dawn's First Light" and "The Redeemer." I need a little inspiration . . . anyone got any ideas? I'm sorry to all my readers out there who r hoping for some updates . . . my brain just isn't cooperating.

posted at 12:56 pm EST

February 27, 2008

Gotta Love em

This is the 3rd snow day I've had in the past tow weeks! I'm so happy! I was out of school Friday, yesterday, and TODAY! I am extremely hyper! Gotta love snow! Except for the part of shoveling out driveways, not fun! It is very tiring but on the upside I got of three tests so far! It's great!!!!!!!

posted at 3:34 pm EST | 6 comments

February 23, 2008

Secret insiders info!!!!!!!

Come close. . . closer. . . closer! Ok now this is top secret info, understand? Tell no one. U've never seen me, heard me or read these words. The name of the sequel to my story "As Lightning Crashes" is . . . IS. . . . IS! > < > < > < "Dawn's First Light" what do u think? is it good?

posted at 11:48 am EST | 6 comments

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