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August 21, 2008

drugs

As I was laying in a hospital bed in the intensive care unit, I could hear my mother screaming in the next room at some of my former friends. I was high off my butt, yet as lost as could be. It was April 11, 2008 and it was the day that changed my life-- the day when all the drugs, sex, and lies stopped.

My drug use began at the end of seventh grade. I had started hanging out with a group of older kids who drank and smoked pot all the time. So, of course, wanting to fit in, I did the same. This continued throughout the summer and into some of the school year. Eventually, they dropped me from their group of friends because they had moved on to high school and bigger and better things. I continued to drink whenever possible and eventually slipped into a depression. I was a lonely girl, not wanting to associate with anyone except for that former group of friends.

Then one day while with one of my friends, Sarah, we met a new group of partiers. It was two girls who were best friends named Marissa and Kaylin. I was so excited-- they were older, beautiful, and a blast to hang out with. We began to drink every weekend and eventually started smoking pot again. I thought that my life was finally going back to where I wanted it, but in reality with every drink, my depression seemed to get deeper. I began lying to my mom over minuscule things, as did Sarah. This continued until about January when I met Tina.

Tina was best friends with my neighbor and we soon became inseparable. My friendship with her only made my need for drugs worsen. Every weekend, we would get dropped off at the mall and then leave and go to a boy’s house named Red. He was into cocaine, weed, heroine, anything. We partied like crazy. My mom’s trust in me never faltered, because my lying abilities got better and better. Although I was getting away with everything, I still felt guilty on the inside.

One day, at a party we met a boy named Lucas. Lucas was a big time druggie and he and Tina were very close. So that night I told my mom I was staying at a girl named Brittany’s house (which was actually Lucas’s house) and stayed over there. Tina and I split a bottle of Southern Comfort and a joint and passed out on his couch.

Tina and I began to stay at Lucas’s house every weekend and this is where I learned about Coricidin, a cough medication. Triple C’s, as we all called them, became my drug of choice. My first time taking triple C’s was unreal. I felt like I was in another world. I thought that it was better than any other high I had ever experienced. After that, I was hooked. I would take 16 every weekend while Lucas and his friend Nick would take about 20. I thought I had it made. I could do whatever I wanted and get away with it. I was getting high all the time. I always thought that my life was finally perfect.

Now, while all this was going on, I was in the process of switching schools. After I made the switch, I felt lonelier than ever and turned to Coricidin to help me cope. By now, I was stealing at least five boxes a week to feed my addiction and taking 10 to 12 everyday before school. No one at school noticed. It seemed as though everyone hated me because of the rumors that were spread prior to my switch. On top of that, I realized that I was always second best in Tina and Lucas’s group of friends. Everyone thought Tina was prettier, more fun, and just overall better. That’s when I thought there was no way out and decided to end my life.

On the morning of April 11, 2008, I had my dad take me to the grocery store before school where I stole three boxes of Coricidin. In the morning, I took 16 and at lunch, I took another 16 pills. At about 1:30 I decided it was time to take the final box and took another 16, making my total number of pills 48. By then, I was so high I was careless and I simply left the empty boxes on the bathroom floor. The next thing I remember I was in the principal’s office. I was so confused about what was going on. They knew that all the boxes were mine and decided to call an ambulance.

At the hospital, my whole family was there. I was higher than you could imagine and had no idea what was going on. My blood pressure was through the roof for about an hour-- it was 190/130 where normal is 120/80. They tell me all day all I did was beg for them to let me die, telling them they were selfish to make me live through this pain. My parents were crying uncontrollably and my brother told my mom about all the things I had lied about. My perfect life had come undone and the worst part was I was there to watch it all happen.

After spending a night in the hospital, I was shipped off to rehab. Eventually, after I nearly relapsed, I was put in yet another rehab facility by my therapist. I am now four months sober and haven’t felt this great in years. I wrote this article so that anyone who is beginning to experiment with drugs realizes the dangers it puts you in and how un-fun it can truly be. Also, to anyone who is thinking suicide is the answer, you are wrong. If you ever have any suicidal thoughts please call 1-800-273-TALK. Every problem can be fixed and nothing is worth giving up your life over.

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