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Latest Journal Entry

March 7, 2007

Because I say so

I smoke and I drink, I don't sleep as often as you think. I lost my virginity the day I turned 13, It's not as glamorous as it may seem. Because I say so doesn't mean it's what I want, everyday something new is lost. I keep my hair oh-so perfect, my clothes as nice as can be. I keep my head held high when I pass you by, you're the only one who knows that I'm living a lie. I'm the only one who knows how badly I f*cked up your life. I was wasted, sh*t-faced, and plastered every night of my life, I was so unclean, I couldn't keep my gaze focused. I was close to that permanent high you hear about in movies... The day I focused and I saw you was the day I knew things would change. I gave it all up and changed my ways, I found new things to occupy my mind... I found you. I look back and try hard not to hate myself for losing everything I ever had, I gave you my all, most important my heart. It kills me to write all this, but it's a start. The day you walked away and said goodbye was the day I died, darling it's true. They say we're too young to know what love is, they say we need more experience. Fuck that, love happens. I loved you, and you turned your back on me. I thought I could trust you, but you're just one amongst the crowd, blending in. So I hate myself now for trusting you, you lead me on and made me believe it was real. I turned around and there you were, in his arms. You laughed and spat in my face, you took my heart and threw it to the ground. I managed to pick it up, brushed the dirt off, I handed it back to you- sealed up tight. Anonymous written on the card, I saw you smile and it was worth my while, just a little bit.

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