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July 3, 2008

Why I'm not writing

Okay, so if you read my most recent chapter of Lies, you would know that I am NOT in the mood to write, at all.

Well, there's this guy who goes to my youth group who I've been in love with (For real) for like, three years.

I'm one of those people who doesn't believe that we can really be IN LOVE with someone so young. I just think, you know, that we're not really capable of it. But I'm pretty sure I'm head over heels for this guy.

Well I'm really pissedbecause I tookmy best friendto youth group (Because I talk about this guy 24/7 and she wanted to meet him). So,after we do prayers and stuff, we "Greet each other in peace" which means we go around hugging people and shaking hands.

Sothis boycomes up and hugs me and while were hugging he whispers in my ear, "Who's your friend?" and I was like, "*Insert name here*"

Then we went outside to play a game and while we were walking to the upper parking lot he comes up and he's like, "Hey, can I talk to you?" So I was all like, fuck yeah (cept not really, I was just excited) andmy friendgave me a look because I talk about him A LOT.

So he took me aside andmy friendwas just kinda wandering over somewhere else and he says "Hey is she going to *insert school here*?" And I'm like "Why?" And he's like, "And is she gonna be inour grade?" And I'm like, "Maybe, why do you want to know?" And then I was like, oh shit. Then I said "I think I know why." And he's like, "Yeah probably." And I was like, (lying, half-way) "Well she has a boyfriend. They're kind of off and on." (She doesn't have a boyfriend currently, but she is off and on with someone) and he's just like "Oh."

And whenmy friendasked later what he was talking about I was like, "He was just asking a question about *Insert school here*" (Which again, was only a half lie) and she was like, "Damn, I was hoping he asked you out or something." And I laughed.

And then when I get home, I get right on Myspace and I'm all like, I bet someone a million bucks thathe messaged me asking something about my friend.

And sure enough, right when I click on the New Messages! button, I have a message from him. So I read it, and it says something along the lines of "I bet you keep bringing her and she'll dump her boyfriend." And so we talk for a little bit and he's all like, "So did she say anything about me?"

And I want to tease him right? Since I'm way pissed and stuff. So I'm like "It's possible she did." And he's like, "Come on you can tell me, I got Most Trustworthy at my school last year." And I just about died laughing.

So I just told him that she asked if he was going to *insert school here* "And stuff"

And now I don't know if I should tell him that I've liked him forever or what, I'm just so fucking confused =/

He's such a sweet boy and so funny. We used to be like best friends at youth group and we always hung out, but when other guys our age started coming he ditched me for them. We still talk sometimes, but we're like, not very close anymore.

So, every year my youth group goes to Wild Waves (A theme park) for Big Splash (You go and ride rides, then there'sa big concert at the end with like, five to seven christian bands) and my first year this guy and I spent the WHOLE day together. We were supposed to be in groups of three, but we "Got separated" (ditched in the line for a roller coaster) the other two girls in our group and ran around by ourselves until we got caught and yelled at (then we did it again).

It was so amazing, hanging out with him for twelve hours in the sun at a water/amusement park. I miss these days when we were the best of friends. I missed the year after that, but this year when we went I hung out with five other girls (Even though we only had to have groups of two). He ran off with two other guys that weren't there our first year. After lunch though, the girls in my group wanted to do water stuff and I didn't (it was raining) so I tagged along with the boys and we went on roller coasters.

It was then that I found out the reason the guy I like can't go to Warped Tour. It was because he was caught SMOKING at a different concert. SMOKING?! I almost died.

So then after we went on a roller coaster and the bumper cars, the other two guys didn't want to go on the upside down roller coaster, so we went by ourselves. We waited in line forever, him flirting with two girls we met, and me wishing he would talk to me. Then, the ride wouldn't work, so we walked around trying to find a ride with a line short enough to go on (Which we couldn't find).

So then we had to go meet up with the rest of our church for the concert. I walked around with the guy a little bit, but when one of the other guys (who's a jack-ass) told us we were stalking them (even though we were ALL told to stay together), so me and two or three other girls stayed together. Then, my guys and the other one got in trouble for not staying together, and got banned from leaving the meeting spot for the rest of the night.

But I remember when we were in the mosh pit (even though they said it WASN'T a mosh pit) I looked over at him and he actually SMILED at me. I almost died for like, the tenth time that day. It was the cutest, most genuine smile I've ever gotton from him.

Then they left and I had to leave them since I got a ride there from my dad.

I just (still) don't know what to do and I wish I had a sign on what TO do. This sucks, really bad.

So, if you read this, then you're truly amazing and we should talk 'coz you're really cool too =]]

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