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Latest Journal Entry

June 6, 2008

trusting...

i don't trust people. even though I'm young and all, i grasped the fact that this world is unjust. humans are fickle-minded and could back stab you at any time, anywhere. i actually want to learn to trust more. it's hard being so pessimistic about my friends.... i feel so guilty that i don't trust them enough..or... at all. but hey, i'm not sure if they trust me too. i don't trust at all and it makes it hard on me..... i barely trust so much that at school when we're assigned a group activity and need to bring stuff... the night before i keep calling everyone to remember to bring they're stuff.. i even try to bring as much as i can because i feel like they won't bring the stuff. even when i call them i feel scared coz even if they prepared they might forget to bring it the next morning. and even if i tell them to put it in they're bag i feel as if they're lying to me when they say they did already... i'm not sure if living this way is good.... i easily worry and i always think of the negative side of things.. it's hard.. really hard. :| this way of thinking is only good coz i guess i can practice how to survive in the real world. coz in the really world you can trust no one. deceiving and back stabbing is a way of life for some so why bother being a victim when you can prevent it? .... i am so confused... what to do? what to do????....

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