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Latest Journal Entry

October 31, 2007

I Miss You...(Continued)

I'm really sorry! I know that I haven't wrote in here for a long time! But anyway! I left off when my Grandma passed away, right? Right! Ok! After she died my dad went back to Iowa. I haven't heard from him in about a year...I really miss him. My mom keeps saying that I need to forget about him, but do you have any idea how impossible that is?!? I mean come on!!! He's my Dad! His blood runs through my veins and he is the reason I'm alive! How am I just supposed to forget about him?!? Sorry I'm ranting...*sigh* But as time passed on...and I never heard my dad's voice for months...I started to become depressed and withdrawn. I wouldn't eat and I'd just stay in my room and lay on my bed crying or just sit and watch tv...Then I couldn't take all the emotional pain building up inside me! So...I started to cut myself...I tried to turn my emtional pain to phsical pain...And it worked. Sure I still felt the emotional pain, but I balanced it out with more cuts. My mom saw the cuts on my arms and wrists and flipped out. I've stopped cutting only b/c my mom checks my arms everyday. But that doesn't mean I wanted to stop...Now I have scars on my arms and I still only remember my dad's voice through memories...But Memories don't last very long...Even now...I'm forgeting what his face looks like.....That's all for now...Bye...

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