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Latest Journal Entry

May 6, 2008

The first chapter to my first story (He Showed Me) and I need to know your thoughts please!

Hey everyone Im attempting to write a story and I need to know if I should even continue or not cause if its really bad already then Im not going to even continue on.  So please read He Showed Me {Chapter 1} and tell me what you think.  Just so you know its rated Mature so no little ones please. Ok please comment your thoughts. And heres what I have so far


He Showed Me {Chapter 1}

"Ugg...man its morning already!", I say as I slowly rise out of bed.  It was dark and cool in my room, just like I liked it.  Getting up I slowly move to my closet and pick out my outfit for the day,"Lets see...umm...I think this HIM shirt, black jeans, and umm...this studded belt will work," I think to myself as I walk out of my room; and head to the bathroom to get ready.  I straighten my hair and apply my makeup, dark eyeshadow and a bunch of eyeliner, and begin to get dressed.  Now ready for school I head to the kitchen for something to eat.  Pouring cereal while getting the orange juice out I realize what the time is.  "Shit, Im going to be late again!", running up to my room I grab my sunglasses and dash out the front door.  "Damn mom, I really need a car!", I say as I dash into the bright morning sun.  "Ugg...I hate the sun why do I have to be so sensitive to it", I mumble as I place my glasses on.  Dashing down the street trying to hurry so I wouldnt be to late, which was to hard since Im abnormally quick.  After running 2 miles I make it to school right as the bell rings "Grr...so close," I grumble as I slowly walk to class.

   "Victoria! Your late again, you need to get here on time detention after school!", Miss. Tayler, my english teacher, bellowed as I walk to my seat.  "Fine whatever I dont care, its not like I had anything better to do anyway." "Just for that little remark young lady make it two detentions!" "Ok fine whatever you really think I give a shit about detention at least it gives me something to do!" "Thats it you to the office now!" "Finally! I get to leave this class I hate you so much, but at least I get to leave your class thanks", I say as I slowly walk out of the room.  "Have fun with the principal try not to cut yourself after your talk with him you stupid emo!", yelled a ugly stupid junior.  "No what," I replied and I walked toward him,"You better shut your trap and figure out who your talking to, cause if you dont shut that mouth of yours in two seconds I will do it for you!", I scream at him.  "Go ahead and try! What are you going to do?  Cut yourself and make me watch, oh yea that will show me!", he laughed and the whole class burst into laughter while Miss. Taylor just stood there with a smile on her ugly wrinkled poor excuse for a face.  "Thats it your going down! Stand up you stupid peice of shit and fight me!", I scream out anger,"If your so tough fight me! Or are you to scared?"  "Me scared of you? NO WAY!!" "Then stand up and fight me!"  "Fine whatever this is going to be fun," he laughs as he gets up and gets into the worst fighting stance I ever saw.  He charges forword and attempts to punch my face.  But, sadly for him I was to quick and before he knew what had happened I was gone and he was on the floor, landing with aloud thud.Snickering I walk around him and kick him in the ribs hearing a crack. "Ouch!", the class reacted to the sound with terror.  "Victoria you down to the office now!"' screamed Taylor.  "Its Vickie not Victoria," I say in a smooth low tone, as I kneel to the ground and whisper in the pathetic excuss for a being ear,"Dont mess with me again...cause next time it will not end pretty." I stand and look around then head for the door, but stop without turning around I say with a laugh,"You might want to send him to the hospital, his ribs are more then likly broken. Bye everyone try not to miss while Im gone."  And I walk out the room.

   My name is Victoria Mary Lyen by birth, but my name is Vickie.  Im 16 and if you know whats good for you, just stay out of my way.  Im not the most pleasent person you may ever meet and I wont take crap from anyone.  Ive grown up almost all alone with no one around so I dont know how to love, until he should me.  My name is Vickie and this is my story....


Ok so that was what I have so far. If there is a lot of spelling and grammer errors Im sorry but I havent had time to edit yet so please dont sit there and only tell me my mistakes.  So please tell me your thoughts and be honest dont suger coat it thanks. So if people think I should add more then I will but if most people think its bad then I wont write more so please comment Byes! (Oh and its rated mature cause it wont let me do anything lower)

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