Latest Journal Entry
May 3, 2008
There are so many here with so many good, creative ideas... it is unfortunate that they are unable to present them in a readable manner.
Things that kill your story:
POV - sorry, but what the hell is this? Point of View? If you are writing, the POV automatically is there - you don't need to state it, and you don't need to re-state it every time you switch characters. When you do that, its BAD writing.
WRONG: Nanu POV -
Nanu: *walks into classroom* *sees Sasuke* Hey, Sasuke.
Sasuke POV: *watches her walk away*
RIGHT:
Nanu drew in a deep breath and steadied her nerves. Yesterday they had graduated from the Ninja Academy and today they were going to be put into teams. She worried she would not be with her best friend Jiro, worried that she would not be good enough to complete any mission. Well, she thought to herself, standing out here isn't doing me any good, either. She gripped the handle of the door, and slid it back.
The classroom opened up before her, the buzz of the chatter reaching her ears. She drank in the scene, feeling envious that everyone else seemed so at ease. She felt unable to move, and lamented over her own poor work during her time as a student here. Yes, she had graduated, but she still doubter her own skills and abilities so very much that she was paralyzed with fear. She was unable to cross the threshold, but could not stand in the doorway, looking like an idiot. Then her eyes landed on a dark-haired boy sitting quietly.
Sasuke, she thought. Last of the Uchihas. She knew a little about him - as much as everyone else did - and thought that if this was hard on her, she, who had the love and support of her parents, how much harder could it be for him? Stilling her beating heart, she took her first step into the classroom. Then another. Then the third. Before she knew it, she was beside his seat.
"Hey, Sasuke," she muttered. He made only a nod of response, which was what she had expected. Nanu continued to an empty seat near the window and sat down.
Sasuke watched her walk to an empty seat. He didn't know Nanu very well, which was his fault. He remembered her mother, shortly after the incident which tore his own parents from him, had come over to help him tidy up the house. She had continued to bring him meals and help with the chores until he was old enough to do these things on his own. Sometimes, he recalled, Nanu came with her mother, but she always hid behind her mother's legs and watched him with big, round eyes. If things were different, Sasuke thought, I would look out for her, like a big brother. But things aren't different....and I have only my goal to focus on.
LESSON: The whole paragraph was from Nanu's point of view first, then Sasuke's...and I didn't even have to tell you that I switched. You already get the idea that Nanu is nervous and unsure of herself, scared, but seems to look up to Sasuke in a strange way. You know she has parents and a best friend. You learn a lot about her without having to tell your reader: Nanu is a nervous ninja student with parents who looks up to Sasuke. SHOW, don't TELL.
LESSON: you must also create imagery in your writing. You must ALWAYS remember that your reader cannot read your mind. What if you were writing a Naruto Love Story and your reader was someone who had never heard of Naruto?
LESSON: Action.
Wrong: *walks over to window, sits down*
Right: Nanu walked timidly over to the seat by the window and sat down, trying to occupy the smallest space she could.
LESSON: create paragraphs - if anyone on this site has made it past fifth grade, you all know what a paragraph is, how to use it, and when to start a new one. The old should flow into the new.
Yes, it takes longer to do it the right way, but don't your creative and wonderful ideas deserve to be treated with respect?
One final word, and this is the yelling part: ITS WHAT, NOT WAT! THERE IS AN "H" IN WHAT....STOP SPELLING IT WAT!!! AND ITS WHERE, NOT WERE. THERE IS AN "H" IN WHERE.
WHERE - WHERE IS THAT BOOK?
WERE - IF I WERE YOU, I'D STOP POKING THAT BADGER!
The above yelling is not for any one user, its for ALL of you who don't put the "H" in what or where. Personally, I'm sick of "U" and "UR" too - its cool when you are texting, but it makes you look ignorant and uneducated when you are writing. It also makes you look lazy - RP TIME! Ur walking down the street when Kiba jumps u. Wat (ARRRGGHGHG) do u do? NO NO NO NO NO!!! Take the time to do it right! RP TIME: You are walking down the street when Kiba jumps you. What do you do?
REMEMBER: You are all intelligent, educated people. Act like it. Stop showing yourselves to be lazy!
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