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Neji0and0gaaras0grl's profile
.:*:. THIS ACCOUNT WILL ONLY BE OPEN SO PEOPLE CAN SEE THE LIFE OF ME, I PROMISE AFTER MAY 24TH 2008 YOU WILL NOT HEAR FROM ME AGAIN, SO DON'T BOTHER, THIS ACCOUNT IS ONLY OPEN FOR THE PURPOSE OF REMEMBRANCE .:*:.
- Member since
- Aug 26th, 2007
- Profile Viewed
- 862 Times
- Last login:
- Jun 1st, 2008
About Me
-THE FORGOTTEN CHILD-
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Latest Journal Entry
May 12, 2008
I can run
" I AMI am a girl
I am emo
I am bulimic
I am different
I go to bed at 3:00am almost every night
I attempted suicide by over-dose of Tylonal (sp) 3 times
I am imperfect and deserve to die
I will never make a differance in the world
I am bisexual and liked my friend Lizzie
I tried murdering several people (& almost suceeded once)
I don't believe in God
I hate losing my cutting blade
I lost my virginaty at 9 because of a girl
I don't love (especially my dad)
I:
WISH I WAS BETTER
*DO NOT THROW AWAY*
Dear everyone,
My name is Anna Alexandra Barillas. Also known as Yami. I am 13 years old. I slit my wrists and soon became an addict to it. I carved the word "Unloved" into my wrists after telling my best friend Lizzie I loved her. I am bisexual. When I was younger (nine) I kissed a girl mouth-to-mouth sevral times, and lost my virginaty (Basically raped by her). At one point, althought I do not know if this was purposly done or not, a was almost raped again by a boy named Henry. He held me up by the inside area of my legs, close to my "area". And when I was younger, I know, or at least think, that my father did not give me meals at times when I misbehaved. Although I do not know if it's entirely true (I only remember not being fed sometimes). Having the fact that it was in my early ages. I can still feel a belt whipping my back, was it a memory? I don't know. I feel free when I sing or when I'm in the shower, Which is why I take so long in the bathroom and why I sing non-stop. Then again I also feel free cutting my wrist or when I shove my fingers down my throat to vomit after eating. I am bulimic, and my friend says Im also part anorexic since I don't eat much. But I do not care, because in moments... I will vanish. And if my plan suceedes, I will be or I am DEAD. May 6th 2008, 1:03AM I will attempt suicide. Why? I shan't tell you. Because whoever has done something will know...
Please remember me
-Anna 'Yami' Alexx Barillas"
These are the words I wrote before I attempted suicide. I cried and carved the word "Dead" into my wrist. I let it bleed. I then tied myself to a high place, and hung myself. I felt the rope sucking the life out of me. But I waited, and waited for an hour, and nothing happened. I was choking and I knew I was dying. It was just taking too long. I untied myself and cried about how stupid I felt. I failed in suicide 10 times. 10 Stupid times I've tried, I can't believe I really -ing tried again.
I was out of control. I just packed all the important things. Warm clothes (in layers in case), a flashlight (with extra batteries of course),3 water-bottles, a full pack of pre-sliced bread, ipod (I dont have a watch), pen and paper (Journal and incase), stuffed animal (I need a pillow to sleep) and an exacto-kife to protect myself against any robbers or police or rapists. I was practically raped once, almost a second time, and a third time? No thank you.
It was around 2:40 in the morning. I packed my flat shoes for summer and wore my thick winter boots. I wore an undershirt, regular t-shirt, long-sleeve shirt (PJ's), and a thick sweater, for the top. I wore pj bottoms and 3 pairs of socks (2 knee-high and one ankle-high) for bottoms. I put on a winter hat and stored away a cap. I put on a scarf and sighed. "Here I go" I whispered to myself in the mirror. I walked into my brothers room, kissed his forehead and left the house, locking the door with my spare key (hey, incase I wanted to come back). I couldn't say bye to my mom since she was at work and would come home at 7:00am. I left the house and walked.
The farther away I got from my house, the more relieved I was. I past few cars and people, none of them cared about me. No one called the police, no one stopped me, nothing.
"Wow, I'm invisible to those I don't even know too" I thought to myself. I walked to a park, which was close to my house still, maybe abouthalfa mile away. I kept walking farther, and reached a stop sign. I looked around and saw a truck coming by.Two 18-looking kids were in a pick-up truck and saw my face. I'm pretty sure it was a good look because once they left all I heard was the car driving away and one guy saying "Dude, that chick has got some guts to run away. Wonder how bad her life is, if she's resorting to running away". I looked down. I continued to walk, shaking my head to try and forget.
I ended up somewhere near where my friends Abby and Chantel live. I avoided their street, Chantel stays up pretty late, so she might see me then wake up Abby by calling her. I ended up lost. I was tired and itchy. My feet were tired probably because I hadn't eaten since 11:50am earlier that day. I was so tired and I fell. I fell in the middle of the street. I got up and started walking home. I needed to know the streets better, soI decided to find my mom's map and run away another time. I needed better food too. My mom forgot to go grocery shopping that day so my only choice was bread and water.
I went home and my brother was still asleep as though nothing had happened. I just smiled and went to bed. I couldn't sleep though. I ate a piece of bread and tired to sleep. But it was 6:50 in the morning. I finally felt myself sleep, but was woken up by my mother saying "get up, time for school" I groaned and was sick. I asked to stay home and sleep. She sighed and agreed and I slept from 8:00am to around 4:00pm. I would have probably slept longer if my mom hadn't woken me up. But I was fine. I relaxed and I dont know if I'll try and run again.
I probably will try on a better day, but If I do, I won't make the same mistake I did before, I won't come home.
Because although I can't hide forever,
I can Run.
Daily Horoscope
Jul 9th, 2008
Read Full HoroscopeCapricorn
You are getting into art, music or something else that's more fun than serious, and should find that the right people start to gravitate toward you. Things could be very different soon!
