Comments on MoodSwingGirl's Journal

I like this boy, I mean I REALLY like him. We are good friends. But he likes someone else. He didn't say who it was, but he said "no-one you know" My heart is breaking. You know the feeling? It literally feels like a big crack in your chest. And on top of that, my closest friend who I've been friends with for over 5 years, doesn't care, she didn't say that, but she just said to get over him. But if I persist the subject, she gets annoyed. Some friend. I told another friend, and she was nicer.

I told the guy I like, that a guy from my karate class broke my heart, he comforted me. He said "There's more that one fish in the sea and more that one bird in the sky" Sweet huh?


I don't even know why I write this journal, no-one will read it, no-one even cares about me so what's the point? Yet I continue to confide in it.

I hate teenage life. I don't know who I am, I don't know my place in this world. I hate this world. It feels the world is against me. And love. I have liked two boys. Both of them broke my heart. The first time was in year 4 I think. Imagine that: I was 8 years old, and I had my heart broken, then the second time. I am 13 and my heart is broken again. Most teens haven't had their hearts broken once. Lucky sods. Am I cursed or something? And something happened when I was 6 years old. I'm not saying what. But it is ruining my life, I can't forget that, it plagues my thoughts, my life. I can't describe my pain. It is intense. And people ask me why I am depressed. What have I done to deserve this pain? I'll tell you what. I DID NOTHING! Yet I got this pain, this burden to carry for the rest of my life. And people ask me why I hate the world, why I can't trust? Because they will NEVER understand! I cry myself to sleep some nights. Sometimes I put on a happy face, to mask my depression, so my friends will not have to get upset at my expense. I do not tell anyone this because I fear that they will get tired of hearing me go on about my fears, that they will leave me. I am slowly achieveing self-actualization, and I ahve realised this:

I AM ALONE. THERE IS NO-ONE TO HELP ME. NO-ONE WHOSE SHOULDER I CAN CRY ON. NO-ONE WHO CARES.

I offer a shoulder to cry on to so many people so they will not have suffer the fact that no-one will care. I help so many people. Yet there is no-one who will help me. Why? Because they don't want to share my burden to help me. I express my feelings through music, I write the songs that have my feelings sewn into them. Music is my solace.

Don't get me wrong, I can be happy sometimes. I love my friends to bits. I allow some close friends into my secrets, but I don't tell them everything. I would die for my friends.

I had a friend who I kept in touch with, her name Amanda. We were best friends. We wrote to each other for a while. Then she stopped replying. She's probably forgotten me. *bitter laugh* If she moved, then surely she would write to me to tell me her new address, but nothing came. She's probably either forgotten me or she just hates me now. I don't know what it is about me, but it makes some of my friends forget me. Shows how much they care.
But the friends who I trust with my life and seem genuine are absolute stars. That's pretty much all I can think of now.

I'm sorry if you read this. I'm sorry if you feel sorry for me. I'm sorry if you keep thinking about this. I'm sorry if you carry my burden.