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May 3, 2007

~The Upset Doll~ This Mind Game Has Snapped Me Inside *important emotional entry*

Now Playing: Linkin Park - Nobody's Listening
Current Mood: Upset (mentally) / Quiet
Thought of the Moment: I have to write another note.

-_- Sadly to say. (lol) I still use this account for some strange reason. O_o It's only because I like to ask about my *issues* on this account, and then have people think I'm the happiest person ever on the other account. >_> Even if I'm lying, I don't care. -_-

Well... I guess this started... hmm... yesterday?

I gave Alex a note. In the note, it said that I'm just gonna stop trying. That I'm refraining from effort, and I'm letting go of the small (should I say...?) sanity I had left, regarding him. And that it was my "Goodbye" Can you believe I wrote it? I was heart-dead after writing it. I didn't know or notice ANYTHING anymore. T.T

My friend Carline read the note. She said it would make Alex this (ha) and she gave it to him for me. <_< He decides to read it LAST PERIOD in READING where I sit NEXT TO HIM!!! x_x

Then he's like... "Did you write this?" And I nodded. He read the rest of it, and then he started spazzing out.

"WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"

"..."

"KHELSEA DON'T BE STUPID!"

"..."

"I WON'T LET YOU GO THAT EASILY!!"

"...?"

I was speechless. o_o It makes me sad now. But then I was speechless. I don't know. I guess he didn't take my note seriously. O_o To answer questions. I do NOT go out with him and I never did. He HAS a girlfriend. Yet, he has me here as a... I don't know.... "other"? I don't know. I don't try to get involved with him. I was slightly involved when he was SINGLE now... that he has a girlfriend that he *obviously* loves. I think I'm just gonna go back into the corner of darkness, and let him have his true happiness...
 
Although he won't let me do so...

I'm confused. I heard he likes me AND his girlfriend. I'm tired of the mind games I'm writing him a note AGAIN, just inflicting the NEGATIVE energy. The energy my friend said I should try to direct towards him. I'm doing it now. It's not real negativity. I'm just going to tell him I'm sick of the mind games, and my spirit can't take this broken lifestyle. At least not with him. I'm turning away from everyone today...

And I'm locking myself inside again, like all those years back...

This sucks. Advice would be interesting to read. Comments would also be interesting on your own opinions and feedback. ~Ja

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