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March 23, 2008

If you wanted to know the reasons....

I've tried writing this two times, but both times my mom was on my toes. Last night she pissed me off enough that I escaped to my room, and the time before she was yelling at me because I was typing too much. Lame, right?

Anyway, this is to explain why I've been lacking lately. My mom, for starters. She's being a ginormouse cuntbag. Its really long, and I'll number the reasons.

#1. I'm always worrying about my friend. You see, I went out with this guy last year, and I guess to get back at me he hugged my best friend. Yeah... that was just the beginning. My friend grew to like him, but he just changed recently. He liked her back, and you could totally tell. They where going out, without actually going out, ya know? Anyway, apparently he cut his hair and dyed it blond and though he was hot shit. He got this new skank to like, and he likes her now, not my best friend. My friend is like.... seriously into him, and it worries me now that she's sad. She's all, it doesn't matter; but you can tell by her face and her actions that it really does. If you had to sit back and watch them tiptoe around each other you'd be the same way I am. It drives me crazy, because they could be so great together. Really, they could.

#2. And of course, how could that be all? I have no right to be jealous, but my hormones are getting the best of me. The kid I like, he's been spending an awful lot of time with this other girl. I saw them hug, and it honestly made me want to cry. I'm totally not in love with the kid or anything like that, seeing as I've talked to him a total of three times for about 5 seconds each [maybe not even that long]. but I like him, even though he screwed up his hair, and he's one year younger than me. I don't care, because I see how he's going to grow out of it... maybe. Even if he didn't, I wouldn't mind. Okay, maybe the hair. I'd help him dye it, and I've only ever done mine once. >w< Apparently my friend is giving him to me for my birthday, and her determination scares me. She says she 'owes it to me' when she really doesn't. And I think its sweet of her really, and I love her. But I know its not going to happen. And the fact that she still talks about it, is worrying me she might actually do it. And really, would that be so bad? No, just really embarrassing. A nice memory, hell maybe in some parallel universe he'd burst out of a blueberry muffin and ask me to go out with him. That would be great too. However, I don't even know. Its all so.. confusing and painful. I don't even know.

Of course, yes there's more.

#3. Short one this time, like a break. I need something to smoke. Weed, cigarettes, I want something to poison my lungs. I'm not an addict or anything, but I want this stress to just go away, and it seems to when I do that kind of stuff. I've only done each about 2-3 times, but it was a good week in some ways. A good, good weeks.

#4. Also, I got my progress report back, and apparently I have two Ds. I don't see how I have them, either. Its stupid, and I hate my teachers. Except for Ms. Reed and Ms. Smith. All the rest can just go away... And then there's the fact that I now have detention for every time I'm late to my math class. Its in the morning, and I'm late just about every day. Now until the end of the year, any time I'm late will result of any free time at school spent in detention. Not so bad for the writing I've been doing in my notebook, but bad for the "social life" I've been trying to keep.

And one more thing to rant about.

#5. I have friends that go to another school, and sometimes I worry about them. The result of why I'm going to see one of my best friends, TINI, along with the fact that I haven't seen her in over a year. Anyway, I went to go see this other guy, I talk to him online all the time. I've only met him once before at a party. He talks to the best friend I talked about in the second paragraph, as well as the guy. Its all so funny how my friends knit together. Now about this other boy, lets call him Fiver as I choose to sometimes. He didn't tell me he had a girlfriend, which I thought I was special enough to know. I mean, he gave me his address and phone number, why can't he tell me he has a girlfriend? I guess I shouldn't be that mad because I didn't tell him when I had a boyfriend, but I still feel like we where past that. I went to go see him and I dragged my best friend along too, and we went to see this Fiver kid. We rode our bikes about two miles, but it wasn't so bad. Apparently his parents where home and his mom made brownies for us, but things where really quiet. I don't think he likes me anymore, not as a friend. He used to talk to me everyday, and now he hasn't talked to me in about one. A whole week, it may not seem like much. But I feel like crap, because I feel that I must have done something wrong. I know I probably did, even though he's originally a weird kid. I know Tini will make fun of me, but if this kid asked me out, I'd say 'yeah, why the hell not?' In some ways I wish she wouldn't read this >w<

I hope you still all love me, I still love all you; of course. Bear with me, I'll be back on my feet soon. I swear it. Thanks for listening to my rant, now enjoy your own problems. Haha, just kidding

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