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Latest Journal Entry

April 4, 2008

Changed...

People once new me as a person that never took shit from anyone. That was strong and could smile, and could make people laugh. Now... no... I'm rather uncapable of that... at times... I switch between two people. At my mother's, I'm outgoing and happy. Laugh at the littlest things... Make my family laugh and was able to be the life of a party. At my father's... I am no longer the person you'd enjoy being friends with. I never laugh, never smile. Sense of humor shrivles up and I glare at anyone who talks to me. Why? Because I am no longer given what makes me smile, no longer aloud to retain my pride, no longer able to joke. My step mother, well, is the 'cause of this. I cannot defend myself when accused of doing something I haven't. I cannot sit down and read peacfully without my step brother that is five years older than me walking in just so he could call me 'faggot', 'Tony', Notze(sp)', 'fat', or 'lesbian'. I cannot play a video game for a decent amount of time without being told that I can't play for the rest of the day(usually after about an hour of playing). I cannot sit on the computer and talk to my friends without my step mother eavesdropping and grounding me for what I've said. I cannot do something as simple as shower or pour a glass of milk without permission. I cannot have a room of my own... no I don't share with my step brothers. I sleep in the living room, on the floor, and not aloud to sleep on the couch. I cannot take naps. I cannot sit on one place on the couch for too long(it 'wears' the couch out) I cannot wear what I want. I cannot say I did homework and not be accused of not doing it, lying, and getting lectured for the rest of the day, possily grounded. And I cannot ever leave this place because them me and my father would be homeless. We'd be living in our car with no food, no money, and no future.

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