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October 25, 2007

Darling, you are my adventure.

Three years of my life have been devoted to the most amazing boy. He is funny, gorgeous, smart, a total geek, a music man- I have reason to believe he is my soul mate. He's everything I want, everything I need and more. Perfect.

However, I was faced with that, we're barley friends situations. Upon realizing I still adored him in every which way, things only got more difficult. Then he started admiring a girl who totally rejects him in every possible way.

So I'd sit there and listen while he went on and on and on about how she totally doesn't like him, and how he can't keep a conversation with her- blah, blah, blah. There were times at lunch where I had to leave the table because I couldn't stand looking at him, watching him be so depressed.

I wanted to rid him of his hurt, and of course, I had to be strange and awkward about it. So I asked the most perverse questions, only pushing myself deeper in the 'i am never going to talk to abi again' pool.

I laid off. And then walking back to the stands one Friday night as third quarter was drawing to an end it hit me.

I hate him.

What I've been trying to get to, is have you ever taken a step back and realized people aren't really who you thought they were? Of course! Everyone has. I have before, but nothing has really hit me this hard.

Yeah, he is amazing. He's funny. He's smart. But he's also cocky, naive, and a jerk most of the time... well, lately.

So I declared a public hate for him and created a devious plan to ignore him, act as if he died. I've been with it for a week now and the results and suprising. I didn't know it'd be this easy... this hard to do- whatever it is i'm trying to do.

the fact that my ex- his section leader/friend/whatever confided into him one day that he had a... time in our relationship, and that I was quite the strange one. Apparently I laid in the middle of the road and screamed satan raped me. Apparently. That kid has no room to talk, spaz. He's been through enough shit for half of LA's population and he finds room to create stories about me. I'm pissed, naturally.



Just thought I'd rant for a while. Naught of that is important.

If anyone was wondering about the depression thing, I did take the steps to help myself. My family doctor gave me a prescription for Paxil and we are working together for a counsler. I think I might just stick with the school counsler. I'm quite fond of him.

I read a book a day, a romance novel a day.
So far this month, for my pleasure, I've read 10,312 pages.
10,312
There are people who barley round off a hundred a year and I'm putting in more than 10,000 a month.
I'm a geek.
:)

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