ApocalypseCabaret's profile

Latest Journal Entry

January 22, 2006

Something Untrue

I don't rant.
I don't rave.
I don't care about a lot of things you say, do, think or write.
The fact of the matter is, all this is is just a passing event in a lifetime of experiences, feelings, regrets, and headaches.
Get over yourselves and I might get over mine.
I'm not amazing.
I'm not special unless you actually know who I am.
You most likely don't.
The truth is there's only about five people I've met here who I'd actually be friends with if I knew them in real life.
Some I'd be nervous to talk to.
Some intimidate me.
Some I would call every day on the phone just because I know they'd listen to me complain and cry about stuff that I wouldn't even have to explain.
Some I know would go to the movies with me just to hang out and maybe get a bite to eat because I really do love movie theatre food.
Some would make fun of me.
To be honest this is the internet.
To be honest, I don't care about the majority of what goes on here.
Mostly, it's the people.
To be honest, I'm smart.
I'm witty.
I'm nice.
I'm loud.
I'm unambitious.
I'm confused.
I'm apathetic.
I'm clever.
I'm unmotivated.
I'm kind of okay looking.
I'm not insane.
I'm not depressed, mostly.
I'm not straightedge.
I'm a drinker.
I'm a smoker.
I'm not into drugs, though, mostly.
I'm sarcastic.
I'm a liar.
It is the internet afterall.
Why be yourself when you can be somebody else?
Why tell the truth when you can change that one thing about you that you've always wanted to?
You may have seen my pictures.
You may have read my words.
You may have checked my livejournal.
You may have held a conversation with me.
You may have loved me.
You may have hated me.
You may have admired me.
You may have held a grudge against me.
But like hell do you know me.
I'm a college student.
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.
I have a good idea about when I'm going to die.
How old I'll be, where I'll be, etc.
I don't know what I'm doing most of the time.
I don't know what I'm saying.
I don't know why I do half the shit I end up doing.
My family doesn't really mean a lot to me.
Neither do my friends, really.
I'm hopeless.
I'm an idiot.
I'm dense.
I'm a good person mostly.
I'll be your friend no matter what you've done in your life.
Drugs, sex, self-mutilation - I don't care.
I'm studying a profession that is based off of listening to other peoples problems and trying to help them.
I make mistakes.
I will listen.
I hate talking, mostly.
I may be egotistical but oh my God are there so many things about me that I would give anything to change.
I may be confident but I know I'm not the best.
I know I'm not the greatest.
I know I'm not as smart as I could be.
I do know that I'm smarter than a lot of you though.
I'm tired of being critisized but I won't say a goddamn thing.
I'm not religious no matter how much I want to be.
A lot of shit has happened to me.
I don't complain.
I wish I could.
Other people's problems are always more important than your own.
I wish everybody knew that.
The truth is, I'm not what I seem to be.
The truth is, neither are you.

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