2dollarbillie's profile

Latest Journal Entry

March 2, 2008

hope is crushed{ oh god here we go again}

March 2, 2008 god this is awkward. i dont know why i cant tell him, and i know i dont really want him because he jaded me soooo many times. i dont get why he just wants to play with my heart like a cat with a mouse before it kills it.i just need to feel Billie's warm kiss and his tight embrace to calm these nerves of mine(no i dont know him but i wish i did so i could have some one to friggen talk to and to have as a big teddy bear to hug). i just need something to get my mind off evan and the fights we are having since the kiss. but why does he have to be such an ass? i mean he never like i dont know actually tells me he loves me. i mean i have heard him say it and write it. but i mean those summer night, damn it why am i getting off to this again. i just need a break from him but he wont leave me alone. and he always freaks because some times i can be suicidal. my mom says i scared him with my kiss well whats new, i scare people alot(just by my looks). he says that im' loving,kind, and the most beautiful thing he ever saw' but it sounds more like this' yea these arnt my words but im just bored and want to see you cry' kinda way. and he wont even tell my friend and his friend(the same person) that im suicidal. i cant because he will think im messing with him. and i mean nick and i have so much in common. we look like brother and sister. i have brown/blonde hair he has brown/blonde hair, he is interested in the same music as me(maybe not the same band but still), i have known him all my life and hes know my all his life. we both have baby blue eyes(and his are amazing) but he just does not see what might go on between us. we laugh at the same old jokes he used to tell. i was there for him when his girlfriend Elizabeth moved to Oregon on the best day of the year(walk-a-thon). and i have known him since kindergarten and was my first best friend and we always have been. i guess evan just didn't want to in case nick got sensitive and tryd to ruin his fun by being there for me. like my shoulder to cry on. guess who's shoulder i cry on know*laughs* my own. i have no one. i cant talk to anyone except the dark, which scares me and comforts me at the same time. its like evan, he can be forgiving and he is usually ruthless and frightening. sure he looks like a big teddy bear with his chocolate brow eyes. but under that he just wants to jade and make me suffer. but i dont wanna hurt his heart since i told him so much stuff he could blackmail me with it and i get the bad end of the stick. but then again i am a punk and will take no crap from no one. just like billie he is strong willed, sensitive, forgiving but at the same time hypnotic(eyes) and can easily scare you with a glare or two. but you know im gunna be the minority. I want to be the minority I don't need your authority Down with the moral majority 'Cause I want to be the minority I pledge allegiance to the underworld One nation under dog There of which I stand alone A face in the crowd Unsung, against the mold Without a doubt Singled out The only way I know I want to be the minority I don't need your authority Down with the moral majority 'Cause I want to be the minority Stepped out of the line Like a sheep runs from the herd Marching out of time To my own beat now The only way I know One light, one mind Flashing in the dark Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts "For crying out loud" she screamed unto me A free for all F*** 'em all You are your own sight I want to be the minority I don't need your authority Down with the moral majority 'Cause I want to be the minority i dont need evan's authority, he can F-off what ever he says about me psh my real friends know who i am and what im capable of and what is real and what is a rumor(sometimes they can be really close)so yea he can f-off thanks for sharing a little bit of my life with me! comment back!

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