.comMIKEY
I wanted to die. Really, I did. I deserved to die after what I did to Leita.
She is- er- was my girlfriend. How could I do such a thing to someone I loved…
I felt like shit. I hated myself to no end. I didn't care for myself at all. I didn't even know where I was walking. Definitely not to my house, though.
I stopped walking and looked around.
…Really, where the fuck was I going?
…I didn't have anywhere to go but home.
I turned around and headed for home. But I didn't see any good that would do except give me shelter.
Once I got home, I walked inside and headed straight for my room. I heard Gerard calling my name, asking me what happened. I ignored him. I didn't care.
I shut my door and lied on my bed. I was so hurt… But I deserved the pain. I felt like I wasn't getting enough. I still feel so shitty about what I did to Leita… I wanted to feel the pain I had caused her.
It sucked. I had never felt like this before. I stood up and sat down at my desk. I saw a safety pin on the corner of my desk. Some safety pin it turned out to be. I reached for it and firmly dragged it across my wrist. A line of blood showed up. I decided not to clean it off.
I threw the safety pin across the room. A light pain extended from my wrist, up my arm, through my neck, and into my mind. I deserved it.
I picked up a pen and let the words from my head find their way onto paper…
If they get me and the sun goes down into the ground, take this spike to my heart.
If the sun comes up, will it tear the skin right off our bones?
Then, as razor sharp white teeth rip out our necks, I saw you there.
Someone get me to the doctor, someone get me to a church where they can pump this venom, gaping hole.
You must keep your soul like a secret in your throat.
If they come and get me, if you put the spike in my heart, if they get me and the sun goes down.
If they get me, can you take this spike?
Will it fill our hearts with thoughts of endless nighttime sky?
Can you take this spike?
Will it wash away this jet black feeling?
Now, the nightclub sets the stage for this.
They come in pairs, she said.
We'll shoot back holy water like cheap whiskey.
They're always there.
Someone get me to the doctor, and someone call the nurse.
Someone buy me roses, and someone burned the church.
We're hanging out with corpses, and driving in this hearse.
Someone save my soul tonight, please save my soul.
As these days watch over time, and as these days watch over us tonight,
I can't forget them, I'll never let them hurt you.
I promise.
Struck down before our prime, before you got off the floor.
Can you stake my heart?
Can you stake me before the sun goes down...
I looked at what had just come out of my head. Fuck…
I wouldn't need a safety pin anymore, but I might need a spike… LEITA Why did I just…
I couldn't believe what I had just done to Mikey. I was with him for six years, I was in love with him for six years, I was sure we would last forever…
I just stopped it all in its tracks.
I was still standing in the doorway. Finally, I slowly shut the door and walked back to my room. I threw on a t-shirt and shorts and headed for the park. I didn't want to be in my house for a while… It now felt haunted…
Once I got to the park, I crawled under the jungle gym and brought my knees to my chest. I just sat there, I had nothing else to do.
Why did I just…
I still didn't have an answer to that question. I hung my head down. I wonder what Mikey was doing now…
I could still see the expression in his eyes when he left. It was drilled into my head. I couldn't stop thinking about it, and tears started to fall again…
"Leita?" I heard someone say. My first thought was Mikey, but he wouldn't want to see me. There was no way it could be him.
I looked up. I saw Ray, outside of the jungle gym. "Ray?" I asked.
"Oh my God, Leita…" he said quietly. "Are you okay?"
I looked down and shook my head no.
Ray crawled next to me. "Leita, what happened?" He was whispering now.
" Mikey…" I began to say. But I stopped myself, remembering what Gerard said.
Don't. Tell. Anyone. "What about Mikey?" Ray asked.
"I…" I started to say. What would I tell Ray? "I just… I broke up with Mikey…"
"Leita," Ray sighed. "Why did you do that?"
Shit, now what would I say?
I couldn't stop crying. "I…" I choked out. "I didn't love him anymore. I don't know what came over me. It just wasn't right anymore, Ray…"
I looked over at Ray, who was looking right back at me. I knew I looked ridiculous with tears in my eyes, but I didn't care. Ray was here for me.
"It's okay, Leita," he said. He wiped a tear off of my face. I just had to hug him. I threw my arms around him and cried on his shoulder. He hugged me back.
"I just feel so bad about it…" I cried. "I just…"
"It's okay, Leita," Ray whispered. "If it wasn't right, it wasn't right. Don't feel bad."
I looked up at him again. I could see in his eyes that he meant it. He really was here for me.
I had no idea what came over me at that time. But in a split second, we kissed… I don't even think we meant for it to happen.
But it did, and it was really… nice.
RAY
Did I just…
Did Leita just…
Did we just…
How did that just happen?
Leita and I leaned back. Her arms were still around my shoulders and my arms were still around her waist. Odd thing was, we didn't let go.
Wow, Leita had never looked more beautiful… I'd always had a small crush on her, but now… This was just too weird… But…
Apparently, she didn't care. She immediately kissed me again, but this time, she didn't stop. I had no choice but to return the kiss, which I didn't mind at all. It was a long kiss, but multiple ones followed…
Was I actually making out with her?
Considering the fact that I had lost track of time and we were still kissing, the answer was pretty obvious…
LEITA
After what had seemed like forever, I pulled myself away from Ray. I brought my arms to my sides and glanced off. Oh my God, I feel like such a whore… I feel like I only made out with Ray to get over my heartache from Mikey… But then again, I felt like there was more to it. I felt like Ray was always there for me, and I just didn't realize it.
…Maybe the entire time I was with Mikey, I could've been with Ray…
While I was making out with Ray, I realized something… it was different than any of the times I had made out with Mikey…
It seemed a lot… sweeter… with Ray.
I looked back up at Ray. He cleared his throat. "Well, uh…" he began. He looked around. He seemed so nervous right now, it was really cute.
"Maybe I should leave," I said. I really didn't want to, but I thought I should. I started to stand up.
"Don't," Ray said, grabbing my wrist. I sat back down. I looked back into his eyes again… Oh, I loved his eyes. I wanted to kiss him again, but it would just end up way too awkward… again.
"Hang here for a while," Ray told me. "It's nice. And… I want you to stay."
He read my mind. I couldn't help it. I started kissing him again.
FRANK
Although I was worried about what I would do the next time I saw Stefanie, now I really wanted to talk to her. Whenever I closed my eyes, I could only see the scenery we were watching this morning… But I couldn't figure out what was more beautiful; the scene or Stefanie.
I walked up to my room and lied on my bed. I shut my eyes and breathed. Why was I just now feeling this way? I've known Stefanie for years… but…
Eventually, I fell asleep… But I felt like she was lying next to me.
I opened my eyes and looked around. I was sitting on my front porch with Gerard.
Wait, how did I get here?
I didn't have enough time to figure that out because Gerard decided to talk.
"I'm getting bored with sitting here," he said. "Do you wanna go to the park?"
I shrugged. I had nothing better to do.
Once we got there, I looked across the park and I saw Stefanie sitting on the edge of the lake. She was wearing shorts and a tank top and her feet were in the water. She was all alone, just staring out into the distance. She looked really… pretty.
"What's Stefanie doing here all alone?" I asked Gerard.
"I don't know," he replied. He looked at me and grinned. "I'm going to try to go scare her again. I did that the other day and she freaked out."
I rolled my eyes and stayed where I was as Gerard creeped up behind Stefanie. She wasn't expecting anything.
Then, Gerard wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her up. She screamed. Gerard started laughing. I wasn't sure if he was being mean to her or sweet to her, but either way, it bugged me.
"Gerard!" she exclaimed, playfully shoving his shoulder. "I told you I hate it when you do that!"
"That's exactly why I keep doing it," Gerard laughed. Stefanie really seemed to like his smile… She blushed every time he smiled.
"Is it just you here?" I heard her ask Gerard. I started walking over.
"No," Gerard replied. "Oh, Frank's coming here now."
I stood next to Gerard and gave a casual wave to Stefanie. She looked at me oddly, and I could still tell she was still finding things awkward from when we were together on her porch.
"Mind if we sit here with you?" Gerard asked.
"Go ahead," Stefanie replied. She sat down and put her feet in the water. Gerard took off his shoes and put his feet in the water too. I just sat with my legs crossed.
"So, where's Leita?" Gerard turned to Stefanie and said.
"I think she was with Mikey," Stefanie answered. "But they both have seemed really… well… they don't look like they love each other as much as they used to. It's kind of sad, actually."
Gerard and Stefanie carried on a conversation as I started thinking to myself. Am I ever going to be able to talk to her alone? I know Gerard is pretty much Stefanie's best friend, but is he going to stop talking at all? How would I be able to talk to her with Gerard around?
I was too much in my own mind that I didn't notice Gerard shove me into the lake… again. I remained under water for a while, I was still thinking to myself. Then, I finally thought, "What the hell, Frank? You're gonna run out of air!"
I came up out of the water, Gerard and Stefanie laughing. I coughed and worked my way back up to the edge. "Gerard, what the hell?" I sneered.
"You were pretty much begging to be pushed, Frankie," Gerard said. That was it.
I grabbed Gerard's arm and made him stand up. I violently whispered to him, "Damn it, Gerard. If you don't leave this park in five seconds, I'll fucking kill you. Are you going to leave this park in five seconds, or do I have to fucking kill you?"
He stepped back. "Geez, Frank," he said. "Can't you take a joke?"
I was pissed at him. I shoved him right into the lake, I grabbed Stefanie's arm, and I started running.
"Frank!" Stefanie shouted. "Frank, what the hell are you doing?" I didn't answer her. I was running as fast as I could, but the weird thing was, it seemed as if she was too.
Eventually, we ran into a nearby forest and there was no sign of Gerard anywhere. I leaned against a tree. I was out of breath.
"Frank, what are you doing?" Stefanie asked me. "What just happened?"
"Stefanie," I breathed. "I had to get you away from Gerard. I had to talk to you."
"Why?" she asked me.
"I…" I began. Wait… what was I supposed to talk to her about?
"What?" Stefanie asked impatiently.
"Uh…" I was still thinking of something to say. "I… uh… I had an odd feeling that Gerard was going to take off on you again. I didn't want you to get hurt again. And on that note, I wanted to talk to you about that morning…"
Stefanie paused for a second. "Oh, that morning?" she said. "On my front porch?"
I nodded.
"Well," she said, more quiet this time. "What about it?"
I slid down to the ground. "It was just…" I began. Damn, was I really about to spill my heart to Stefanie? "It was just unreal to me. I mean, I never thought I would be like this..." Yeah, I was about to.
"What are you talking about?" Stefanie asked. She sat down next to me.
"I have a question first," I said. "Why didn't you try and leave while I was holding you?"
She opened her mouth to speak, but she didn't have an answer. "Uh…" she said. "Well, why didn't you let go of me after it was obvious I wasn't upset anymore?"
"That's the point," I said. "I don't have an answer for that either. But did you think it was rather… nice?"
Stefanie glanced the other way. "To be honest," she said quietly. "Yeah… I really did." She scooted away from me a little bit.
Now was your chance, Frank. Now or never.
I scooted closer to Stefanie. "Same here," I replied. "I didn't let go of you because… I… I didn't want to."
She looked up at me. She sighed and said, "I… I didn't want to leave you… You were there for me, Frank… I didn't want to leave because I felt like you would always be there for me…"
I put my arm around her waist. "I will always be there for you," I said to her quietly. Stefanie looked up at me. We were just staring at each other, it was better than that morning…
Suddenly, we both closed our eyes. The space between our faces quickly disappeared…
LEITA
I was such a mess right now. I couldn't tell whether my experience with Ray was completely wrong or completely right… My brain was totally screwed up…
I managed to make it back to my house without running back to Ray. It was so nice being with him. He had made me forget all about Mikey…
Mikey…
Oh, what am I going to do? I could never hang out with my friends if Mikey was with them… I would just feel too much pain… But if I still feel this way…
Did I make a mistake?
I had to talk to someone. I couldn’t talk to Ray. I wanted to, but my whole problem included him…
I'll go talk to Stefanie. She's my best friend, I can always trust her.
I started walking over to her house. But once I got there, she was sitting on her porch. It looked like she was about to get up and go inside, but she quickly went back and sat down.
I approached her. "Uh, Stefanie," I said. "What are you doing?"
"I'm freaking out!" she exclaimed. She stood up to go inside again, but then she sat back down. "I can't decide whether to leave or stay, leave or stay, leave or…"
"Dude!" I shouted. I put my hands on her shoulders. "Stop it! Now, do you want to tell me what happened?"
"Frank's what happened! Gerard's what happened!" she freaked. "Weirdness is what happened!"
"Okay, Stefanie," I said calmly. "Sit down and explain, please."
Stefanie took a deep breath and sat down. "Okay," she breathed. "Last night, I was with Gerard at the lake. We were sitting there alone together, and then it seemed like he was about to kiss me. But then, he jumped up and ran away. He didn't even tell me where he was going. Then, this morning, I was so hurt by it. Frank saw me sitting on my porch and came over and talked to me. I told him what happened and once I started crying, he consoled me and held me. But after it was obvious I wasn't sad, we just stayed sitting there, his arms around me, my head on his shoulder. And it was so… I just… I loved it… And now I don't know what to do!" She started freaking out again.
Damn it, Gerard! Why did you have to almost bite her? Why couldn't you have almost kissed her, then you wouldn't have jumped up and ran away?
I ignored that and tried to get Stefanie to stop freaking out. "Stefanie," I said calmly again. "Listen to me, do you think you might… like Frank?"
That got her calm. She took another deep breath and said, "I… I don't know… But it was just so nice, sitting on the porch with him… It was like he was all I needed…"
"Sounds to me like you like him," I grinned. Stefanie looked at me for a second and said nothing.
Finally, she started freaking out again. "Well, well, well, what if I do?" she said.
"Then maybe you should talk to him," I suggested. "If he didn't let go of you, then maybe he likes you too."
Stefanie looked up and was quiet for a second. Then, she jumped to her feet. "You know what?" she said to me. "You're right! Thanks Leita!" She hugged me and ran down the street.
…That was just a tad weird, even for Stefanie.
I looked up. It was almost sunset. I decided to head to the park, everyone was probably there.
If I saw Mikey there, I just might have to leave…
MIKEY
I'm pretty sure no one knew that me and Leita were over… I didn't tell Gerard because I decided to ignore him. I didn't tell anyone else because I hadn't come in contact with anyone. Even now, as I was lying in my room, Gerard, Bob, Frank, Ray, and probably Stefanie and Leita were going to the park. It was almost sunset, and they always go to the park around sunset.
Bob, Frank, and Ray met Gerard at our house and they hung out here for a while. Ray seemed really… well… weird, towards me at least. He kept giving me weird looks and didn't talk to me. What was his deal?
They had probably left for the park an hour ago. I was the only one home, just lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. The blood on my wrist was dry, but it was still there.
I sighed. Maybe I should go to the park. It might be good for me to be a little social today. Maybe Leita won't be there…
I debated that for about fifteen minutes before I finally started to head for the park.
RAY
I was at the park with Gerard, Frank, and Bob. We were sitting on the edge of the lake like we always do, and things were oddly quiet. Bob was always quiet, Frank and Gerard seemed reluctant to speak, and I was thinking about whether I should tell them about me and Leita…
After a long time of silence, I decided to tell them. "Uh, guys," I began. "Did you hear about what happened with Mikey and Leita?"
Gerard and Frank both looked at me and shook their heads no. I sighed.
"Well… uh…" I was thinking of how to word this. "Earlier today, Leita… She broke up with him."
Frank looked at me, surprised. "What the hell?" he said. "What happened?"
"Leita told me that she didn't love him anymore," I said. "But she wouldn't say why…"
"When did she tell you this?" Bob asked.
Should I tell him that Leita and I made out? Mikey's not here, but would Gerard tell him? Maybe I should just say that me and Leita are kind of… "together".
"She told me this earlier today," I said. "I saw her crying at the park and I went over and talked to her." I gulped. How would I say this?
Frank looked at me and grinned. "Raymond Manuel Toro, did something happen between you two?" He looked like he was trying not to laugh his ass off.
"Shut up, Frank," Bob sneered. "…Well, did something happen, Ray?" He smiled too. Bastards.
"Well, kind of…" I began. I was starting to get nervous. "I'll just say that me and Leita are… well… sort of… together, so to say."
Frank started cracking up. He fell into the lake from laughing.
"Serves you right," I grinned at him. He climbed up out of the lake.
"Dude," Bob said. "He's probably used to falling into the lake by now."
I rolled my eyes. At least I told them what was going on.
But I didn't notice Gerard say anything…
GERARD
What the hell? I can't believe this…
That's why Mikey was so depressed! Leita broke up with him! I shut my eyes and sighed. Aw, Mikey… He's gonna be even more crushed when he finds out Leita and Ray are together…
At least he won't find out tonight.
Suddenly, I saw Ray turn around. A smile was brought to his face as he exclaimed, "Leita!" Figures.
He stood up, ran to Leita, and hugged her. They came back over to me, Bob, and Frank and sat down, Ray's arm around Leita.
Then, I noticed Stefanie was also there… Should I talk to her about yesterday? Frank said she was really hurt… She was crying… And I wasn't there for her…
I took a deep breath. I decided not to worry about that right now. I didn't want any worries at this point. I just felt so bad for my little brother…
