Demolition Lovers || A New Beginning || Chapter 1

Happiness was something that never was a permanent thing in my life and when it was there it was never there for very long. So I got up and went to the bathroom and opened the cupboards and checked my medication.
“Anxiety….nearly finished…..Anti-depressants….done.” Shit, that means I need to find a physiatrist. I wasn’t really in the mood to find one, but I knew it had to be done. I walked back to the kitchen and found a telephone directory. I checked through the list and called everyone.
“Sorry, we are fully booked.”
“Sorry, but Dr. Carson is on leave.”
“Sorry, we are…” blah blah blah. Every person said the same thing to me. I was at the last number.
“Yes, we have a slot open for tomorrow at 9 o’clock.” The secretary said to me.
“That would be fine.”
“Name, telephone number.”
“Annalize Laubscher, (973) 340-8739.” I said to her.
“Thank you. Have a good evening.” She replied.
“You too.” I put down the phone and checked the address of the doctor. I replaced the directory in its original place and went back to the couch.

Later I got up to go shower and go to sleep. I stood up from the couch and started walking. I started feeling dizzy, my eye sight was slowly going black and my legs were giving way. I moved my arms around to find anything to stabilize myself. I grabbed hold of the chair and waited until my eye sight was back to normal and I wasn’t dizzy. I sighed to myself and made my way to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and got under the warm stream of water. I let the warmth soak into my muscles. I washed my hair and my body, then got out and wrapped a towel around my dripping body. I walked to my room and grabbed sweat pants and a tank top. I dried myself off and put on my clothes. SO much to do tomorrow…go to the doctor, find a car, set up a cell phone account, buy food, not to mention go to work. I set my alarm clock for 7:00am. I got into bed. I looked out the full sized windows, out onto the town. Orange-yellow lights, lighting up the city streets. I feel asleep to the sound of cars rushing past and people, drunk, talking loudly in the streets.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. I sat up straight, nearly having a heart attack when the alarm went off. I groaned and looked at the clock. 7:00am.
“Fuck!” I smashed the alarm off. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom and showered. I wrapped a towel around me and went back to my room. I opened my closet and look at the clothes. What to wear? What to wear? I looked around. I grabbed a pair of black pants, a black long sleeved top, a blue top with some design and a skull on it and my studded belt. I put on my clothes then went back to the bathroom to do my make up. I put on black eyeliner, dark blue eye shadow and mascara on. I tied up my wet hair and went into the kitchen and made myself breakfast. I listened to the noise of the traffic outside as I ate. I checked the time. 7:30 am. I stuffed the dishes into the dishwasher and put on my shoes. I grabbed my bag, camera, keys, wallet and all the other essentials.

I walked down the road, breathing in the cool, crisp air. I rubbed my arms to stop shivering. Autumn and already so cold…I need to get use to this again. I turned the corner and neared the shop. Mark was standing outside, fiddling with a bunch of keys.
“Good morning.” I beamed at him.
“Hey.” He looked up at me and smiled. He looked back down trying to find the shop’s key. Eventually he found it and unlocked the door. I followed after him into the back room.
“You can leave your stuff back here.” He said and dropped all his stuff onto a couch. I took off my bag and put it down on the couch next to his jacket. We walked back out to the front of the shop and I helped him lift the blinds on the front window. He then showed me where all the CD’s were, so I could stock the shelves.
“And upstairs is where the sound system sits. We put on music everyday.” He told me. I walked up with him and came upon a large set of equalizers, speakers and a very impressive CD collection.
“Wow….” I walked over to the first stack of CD’s and picked up the first one. Smashing Pumpkins. I put it back down and walked over to him. He showed me how to turn it on and set everything.
“Go choose something…” He said to me. I looked around. I went through nearly hundred CD’s finding nothing. Suddenly I found one.
“How about this?” I said and walked over to him, showing the CD.
“My Chem. Great!” He smiled and took the CD from me and put it in. I heard a soft, hoarse, with soft backing music play through the speakers

Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you

I immediately fell in love with it. Suddenly a loud guitars and drums came in. I listened on.

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

By the end of the song I had memorized all the lyrics to the song. I picked up the CD chase from the table and looked at it. I opened it and pulled out the sleeve with the lyrics on it. Helena…I read the lyrics.
“Hey, still up here?” I heard Mark say as he came up behind me.
“Oh…ya…sorry.” I put the CD down and joined Mark downstairs. I stocked up the shelves and counted the money, not really paying attention, just listening to the hypnotic voices of the singers of My Chemical Romance. There was one voice in particular that stood out to me. One of the back up singers voices, even though it was hard to hear it stood out to me. I fell in love with it and strained to hear it in all of the songs.

At around 9:00, I told Mark I had to go somewhere and he let me go because it wasn’t so busy. I caught a taxi to the doctor’s. I walked in through the door to the secretary. I told her my name and she gave me a piece of paper that I had to fill in. I sat down on one of the chairs and filled in the paper.
“Laubscher?” The doctor called out. I stood up and walked up to her. I gave her my paper and she showed me into her plush office. I sat down in a large leather chair and looked around.
“Alright…so I see you’ve been diagnosed with severe depression?” She looked at me.
“Yes…that’s right, since the age of eleven, twelve.” I told her.
“Are you on any medication?”
“That’s actually why I scheduled an appointment. I need a prescription for more.”
“Ok…well I’ll just examine you and then write out a prescription.” She sat down at her desk and took out a note book. She asked me about my childhood, what I disliked about myself, like about myself, my hobbies. She asked me about what made me angry. When I told her she sat there in astonishment.
“I see that your ‘problems’ go further than just self hate…I think we should schedule for monthly, maybe even weekly sessions.” She told me. I sighed. I knew this was coming…More messing around with emotions! This is SO much fun!! We made appointments for twice a month, for the beginning, and then she would decide if I should see her more frequently. After she wrote me out a prescription for more Anxiety pills and Anti-depressants. I took the prescription and left the building.

I went to the nearest chemist and got my pills. Then went to go and set up a cell phone account. Later I went to a car dealership and looked at a few cars. None that I liked, then I went to a different dealership, Honda, and found that they had motorbikes. I was ecstatic. Yes!!! I got the Honda Repsol Racing bike. I bought a plain black helmet and gloves at the shop. They gave me the keys and I got on and drove home. I loved the feeling of being on a bike. I weaved in and out of traffic.

I got to the apartment and parked it in the parking lot. I went to my apartment and noticed that I had mail. Mail! I love mail!! I picked it up and went inside.
“Bills, bills, bills, oh…junk, junk, for who?” I ripped up a credit card bill addressed to a Mr. Iero and threw away the rest of the junk. I left my stuff on the counter and went over to the CD’s that I had left on the coffee table the previous day. I put in ‘Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge’ and laid down on the couch, listening and searching for the voice. In the 4th song, his voice was clearer than in any other song especially in the second verse. He also had the cutest laugh.

They all cheat at cards and the checkers are lost,
My cellmate's a killer, they made me do push-ups (in drag)
But nobody cares if you're losing yourself...am I losing myself?!
Well, I miss my mom,
Will they give me the chair,
Or lethal injection, or swing from a rope if you dare;
Ah, nobody knows...all the trouble I've seen!

Near the end of the song he has two lines that he screams. It sounded amazing.

Do you have the keys to the hotel?!
'Cause I'm gonna string this motherfucker on fire! (FIRE!!)

That became my favorite song. I checked the name. You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison. I smiled and fell asleep listening to them. Fell asleep listening to the mesmerizing guitar riffs, drums, bass and angelic voices.