Break The Repetition ~Rev~ pt1

_Normal POV_

Riah texted.

Party this sat @ impulsion – come or else! Xxx

I was halfway through replying to tell her I couldn't come, when I stopped. Wait, I wasn't gonna waste my life over something that would never happen, I was gonna get over him. There was no reason in the world why I shouldn't go.

Sure, c u there!! Xox

I dressed in a black/white miniskirt, fishnets, sparkly black flats, and a red/black corset top. I added some temporary red streaks in my hair, smoky eyes, and examined the effect in the mirror. For once I was satisfied with how I looked. Riah came to pick me up, and grinned.

"Katie's bringing sexy back!"

I made a sort of strangled sound that had been intended as a laugh. It felt as though I was rather out of practise.

"Let's go!"

On the way, I considered the possibility of meeting some random sexy guy I could get drunk and make out with, and forget Jimmy for a while. Someone who wouldn't care…

We went into the club with a wolf whistle from the bouncer at the door. We immediately met Matt and Zacky, who gave Riah a soppy kiss. I looked away – I didn't want to be reminded of love tonight.

"Hi guys," a smooth voice said behind us. I turned and there was Syn, looking effortlessly good as usual in an open necked black shirt and skinnies. His eyes traced my form in the mini and corset admiringly but ruefully. "Looking hot, Katie."

And then I had an idea. A sexy guy who I could get drunk and make out with? There he was, ready made: Syn. I didn't like him, no, but did that matter? He certainly wouldn't care…

"Could say the same for you," I answered, looking flirtily out for beneath my eyelashes. Everyone, including Syn, stared at me in shock. They'd all obviously been expecting a mean and perhaps witty retort, not flirting.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked suspiciously.

"Not yet, but you could tempt me," I replied, flirting more. He was gaping in surprise, but he quickly pulled himself back together, and smiled his easy sexy smile.

"Ok, make that a vodka each for me and the lady!"

He paid, and handed me the drink. I made sure our fingers touched.

"So," he said, once we'd wandered off to the dark balcony overlooking the dance arena. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

I thought carefully, before deciding on a reply. "Well, I guess I realised who could give me more fun."

His grin grew wider. "You're probably right there, beautiful."

I grinned back. This was too, too easy. I swallowed the last of my vodka, strengthening myself.

"Shall we dance a bit?"

"I dunno," he said, looking over his shoulder, "Matt said Jimmy and Johnny were coming, maybe we should go and find—?"

"No." I said forcefully.

"But maybe—" I stepped right up close to him.

"Kiss me." I whispered. He looked at me in surprise, but needed no encouragement. He slid his arms round my waist, and our lips crashed together. He pulled back for a moment, and sighed with pleasure.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do this."

I licked his lip seductively, and he moaned. Then our lips were colliding again, his tongue was wet and rough, almost like a cats', very different from Jimmy's…But I pushed Jimmy from my mind. Sadly, this wasn't distracting me as much as I'd hoped. Yeah, it was good, but compared to how much Syn seemed to be enjoying himself, I really wasn't getting anywhere. I needed to lose myself. After a couple of intense minutes we broke away, breathing heavily.

"Kate?" he breathed. "My room's always on offer if you need somewhere to crash tonight."

Our bodies were still pressed tightly together, and I considered my options. How far was I prepared to go? I thought, then looked up at him to answer, and found his face had gone deadly white. I saw him mouth "shit." I looked over my shoulder to see what it was, and felt my heart judder to a stop. He could've been staring at anyone in the room, but I instantly knew, because he was the only one I could see too. For the first time in days I felt maybe I'd been wrong, maybe this was wrong, maybe I'd make a mistake…

Because there he was, looking completely crushed, intensely broken to the point of madness – guilt tore at my chest.

Jimmy.

_Jimmy's POV_

If I'd thought my life had been hell before, now I knew. It was over.

Stupid fat black woman, what had she known? Had she deliberately misled me? Spiteful old cow. Made me think there was hope only to crush me again yet more powerfully?

Katie didn't love me, of course she didn't love me, why would she? She never had, and she never would. She liked Syn, all the girls always like Syn. Why wouldn't they, he was hotter than me, he was good at talking to people, he didn't make them feel uncomfortable. I couldn't even blame him, couldn't even hate him. She wanted him. And I'd known he'd wanted her.

But I needed her. It wasn't a question of wanting something and not getting it, without her I was nothing. I needed her like I needed air, like a fish needed water, like fire needed oxygen.

Through blurred eyes, I saw Syn rushing towards me, pleading in his eyes. I knew he'd try to apologise, give her to me, but Katie didn't want me, so what was the point? I turned and fought my way forcefully out of the claustrophobic building, and into the street. I walked blindly, turning random corners, till I paused to wonder where I was. Then I laughed bitterly. For it was in the exact same alley where I'd followed Katie, and she'd tripped. I sank to the floor, my twisted laughter turning to rage and shame as I fell. I no longer tried to hold back the flood of tears that made my body shake, and my mind scream. It was torture, knowing that I'd never be good enough for someone like her, I'd never been good enough for anyone. I wept for my life, I wept for the nothing it had become. I just wanted it to end, to end now! I blinked and sat up – anything sharp, I needed something sharp…

A rusty length of metal lying on the bottom step of a fire escape caught my eye, jagged down one edge. I wondered for a moment – neck or wrist? Wrist would be easier – I'd be able to see what I was doing, have far more accuracy. I clutched the metal tightly – it drew a thing line of blood droplets on the tight white palm. I took a deep breath, shut my eyes, and hoped it would be quick.

The pain suddenly hit me. It hit me like nothing physical had ever hit me before, only countered by the huge ache in my heart…

It stung and scalded and bit at me like I hadn't known was possible, tugged at every fibre of my being with uncontrollable pain. I cried out in agony, and sank to the curb, clutching my arm.

This was the end.
=O oh nooo!!! x