Push Me Under, Pull Me Farther (Chapter 1)

*REGULAR POINT OF VIEW*

"today is the day!" i cried happily, practically floating down the stairs "they're coming hooommmeee" i sang. janin laughed, but it was a happy, excited laugh. i could barely sleep the night before, the thought of adam coming home, and being with me again, it had kept my mind, and my heart racing all night. my heart was still beating a mile a minute, i was starving, but i knew i couldn't keep any food down, my stomach was bouncing with anticipation. i took a deep breath and walked outside, i told myself it was to get some fresh air and calm down, but it was really so i could be the first one to see them. i sat down on one of the muskoka chairs, and crossed my legs underneath me to stop from them shaking. i must have been sitting out there for atleast forty minutes, watching the sun set slowly over the lake had kept my attention. the sound of a car door opened woke me up. i tried not to get excited, it could just be the neighbours "where's my baby?" i heard adam call out. i squealed and jumped out of the chair "adzy!" i cried as he came into view in the driveway. he clapped his hands together "there you are beautiful" he said, i jumped into his arms, and pressed my lips to his cheek. he held me away from him a bit, and just stared at me, a simle playing across his lips. i smiled back "what?" i asked. neil had hopped out of the car "hah, you'll be suprised" he said. i furrowed my brow "what's he talking about?" i asked adam. adam kissed me lightly and set me down. i stared at him. what the hell is going on? i put my hands on my hips. adam just kept staring at me "what?" i asked, half whining, half concerned. he reached his hand into his pocket, and kneeled down in front of me. and then it clicked. my hand flew to my mouth and tears started pouring out of eyes, my fingers shook as i waited for him to say something. he pulled out a ring box, and opened it, a beautiful diamond ring shone in the light, a rainbow reflecting in each of it's faces "nicole sanderson, will you make me the happiest man in the world, and marry me?" my mouth opened closed stupidly. YES YES YES! AHHHH! YES I WANT TO MARRY YOU!!! i couldn't get the words out though. i just nodded my head furiously. adam grabbed my hand, and slid the ring on my finger slowly. a perfect fit. i stared down at it, his fingers on mine. he rose to his feet and stared at me "i love you so much nicole sanderson" he said, tears in his voice. he wrapped his arms around me and i sobbed into his chest. i was getting married!

i was breathing heavily beside adam. WOW. i turned and looked at him, his bare chest rising and falling quickly, he turned to me too, a happy smile on his face "is that what it's like when you're engaged?" ENGAGED. i asked, out of breath. he laughed "nah, that's 'cause i missed you" i rolled on top of him "let's do it again" i said smiling

adam sat at the end of the bed, massaging my feet slowly. i sighed "that feels REALLY good" i told him. my eyes closed sleepily. i sat up and took his hand in my own "by the way, the answer to your question was yes, incase you didn't get that through the crying" i said. his eyes crinkled at the corners "yeah baby, i got that" he said. i was MARRYING adam! i couldn't beleive it! it was so random, so unexpected! i didn't even know he was considering it, we'd never talked about. well maybe i'd hinted a few times, but it was such a shock when he just proposed like that. not that i was complaining! i mean, i'd dreamed about marrying him since we where kids! "you really wanna marry me?" he asked. i slapped him "what was that for???" he asked, putting his hand to my face "for being a retard! OF COURSE I WANT TO MARRY YOU! that's why i said yes, you doorknob! why would you even ask that?" i cried. he laughed and pushed me down, and pressed himself against me "i ask stupid questions. don't you know that by now?" he said, trailing his lips over my neck. it's hard to answer you when you do that. "i thought you would have grown out of it by now" i said breathlessly. "old habits die hard. and maybe if you slap me like that everytime, i'll keep doing it" he growled low in his throat. i ran my fingers through his hair, snagging no knots as i did so. he kissed his way from my collarbone to my jaw, almost getting to my lips before i pushed him away. i knew if we got any farther, i wouldn't be able, or want to stop him "i should go downstairs, janin probably needs some help with dinner" i said quietly "wouldn't you rather stay here with me?" he asked. i would, but i can't, but i should, but i must go. i pushed him off me, running my hand over his face as i left the room, grabbing my jeans as i did. i hopped into them at the top of the stairs, and walked down quickly. violet was curled up on neil's chest, sleeping deepily. FINALLY. neil was asleep too, his head lolled off to one side, a quiet snore coming from his mouth. i rolled my eyes, and walked over towards them, i pushed neil's head back on to the couch, so he wouldn't have a stiff neck when he woke up. i leaned down and kissed his cheek "ich leibe dich, mein kleine schpatz" i said quietly. the phrase was german for "i love you, my little sparrow" the pair of us had gone to germany for a month back in grade nine, the family we had there hadn't bothered with our real names, instead calling us both "schpatz" and it had just stuck. neil, my little sparrow. i smiled and pressed my hand to his face. i saw janin outside, standing over the barbeque. i walked out to join her "hey jay, need any help?" she didn't answer me "hello??" i said, waving my hands at her. i sat down, hmm, that's strange "sooo.... did you hear that me and adam are getting married?" i asked "yeah" she snapped "from neil, and then barry, and then brad, and now you" she said, venomously. i furrowed my brow "ummm, is there something wrong?" i asked carefully "yeah, there is" she said, spinning around, her eyes where puffy, it looked like she'd been crying "what happened??? is it neil? or violet?" i asked, suddenly getting concerned "it's you!" she shrieked "what?" i said, taken a back "what did i do?" i said "YOU SAID YES!" she cried "janin, what's goi-" i stopped mid sentence. no, no. she wasn't angry at me for saying yes to adam. she couldn't be! she should be happy for me! "you bitch!" i spat "how could you??!" she screamed "i did it because i love him!" i said, rage bubbling near the surface, threatening to bubble over very soon "you don't deserve to be married!" she yelled. my mouth dropped, too late, all that anger had just bubbled over, and i was ready to strangle her "WHAT?" i shrieked "janin, you egotistical, stuck up, jealous BITCH! i deserve it more than anyone! after all i'm been through! i think i deserve to marry that man!" i screamed in her face "NO YOU DON'T! i do! i deserve to get married! why does your boyfriend propose to you, but mine, WHO HAS A CHILD WITH ME, who is three years old, doesn't! I DESERVE TO BE SOMEONES WIFE!" she screamed, tears falling down her face "how could you do that to me! you KNOW i want to be married. it's not FAIR!" i walked towards her and slapped her across the face as hard as i could, her mouth dropped in horror "you know what janin, i'm GLAD neil hasn't proposed to you" her eyes widened "because i wouldn't want my sweet, amazing brother to be tied to a horrible witch like YOU!" i screamed at her, spinning around to leave. i heard the door open behind me "what's going on?" asked neil, i didn't turn around to face him, i picked up a sprint and ran as fast, and as far away as i could.

*NEIL'S POINT OF VIEW*

the screaming had woken me up. and i'd opened my eyes to my sister screaming at my girlfriend. janin had a bright red hand print across her face. violet walked out beside me, clutching on to my leg "janin, what happened?" i asked. she shook her head and pushed by me "daddy?" asked violet. i opened my mouth to answer her, but no words came out. adam opened the door "neil, is nicole okay? i saw her running down the path. i'm going after her" i shook my head, grabbing his shirt "no man, this is a conversation between brother and sister, can you just stay with vi?" he nodded "yeah" he said quietly. he picked up violet, she wrapped her little arms around adam's neck "don't worry baby, mama is fine" he cooed into her ear "neil?" "yeah?" i answered him back "can you just, just tell her i love her" i nodded "she knows that adam" "just tell her... please" "okay" i said. i took off down the road, running full tilt. i saw her small figure sitting at the side of the road, her head on her knee's. i stopped in front of her "please leave me alone neil" she said "you know i won't leave" i said, sitting down beside her. she put her head on my shoulder and started crying. i pulled her into my arms, her tears soaking through my shirt "god neil, this marriage is causing problems already" she said "don't say that" i said quietly "neil, i want to marry him so bad, but i don't want all this drama. just a normal life. is that too much to ask?" "you're engaged to a rockstar, normal left a while ago" she laughed at that "there, that's what i like to here" she sniffled "what happened schpatz?" i asked "i can't tell you neil" she said "i don't want to wreck it for you" "i heard most of it already, janin is angry at you for saying yes to adam. and that is REALLY selfish" i said. i was so disgusted with janin right now, nobody talks to my sister like that, not my girlfriend, not my best friends. other than violet, nicole was the most important girl in my life "neil, i'm so angry at her" she said, pressing her face against my chest "i know hunny" i said. i was angry too. "i don't want you to be mad at her neil, it's between me and her" "anything involving my sister involves me too" i said firmly. i ran my hands up and down her arms. she sighed shakily. i looked up and saw a figure walking towards us. i rolled my eyes "and i went and told him to stay away" i said smiling. but she was already up walking towards him. i probably shouldn't let that get to me, but it hurt my feelings that she didn't need me as much as i needed her. she stopped mid way towards him, adam stopped too. they seemed to have a silent conversation. i got up and brushed my pants off. i looked up and she was jogging towards me. my heart swelled just a little. huh, so my little sister does need me after all. she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. i hugged her too "thanks neil, really. i love you 'kay? even though i'm adam's fian-" "nah, nah, blech" i interrupted her. she laughed "just even though this is a big change, how much i love you won't" i smiled hearing that "i guess i still like you too" she laughed and shoved me "well if that's all i'm getting than fine" she said walking away from me, i grabbed her hand "yeah, yeah, i love you too" we walked hand in hand back to adam. i let go of her so he could wrap his arms around her. he kissed her tenderly on the forehead. "hey gontier, who's watching my daughter?" i asked. "heather" he said, not looking at me. i sighed. and started walking away from them. ahh well, atleast she loves me.

*ADAM'S POINT OF VIEW*

"i'm so, so sorry babe" i said. oh my god, how could i do that to her?? i felt so horrible, this was going south already. she stroked her fingertips over my face, it immediately relaxed me "i'm still marrying you adam. i don't care about that witch janin" she winced when she said her name "if you don't want to, we-" "please don't even finish that sentence. i love you adam, and we're getting married. okay?" i smiled "okay" we walked back down the street, my hand in her back pocket. i heard a car behind us. it stopped beside us. the window rolled down "rhonda!" said nicole "where have you been??" she asked. "i'm getting my stuff that's here, i'm staying with my parents, get in guys, i'll drive you back" woah, since when did rhonda move out? we hopped in "i'm sorry i just left like that nicole, but i just needed to be away" "it's okay hunny" she said. rhonda put the car in drive and we made our way silently down the street "so you guys are tying the knot huh?" she asked. i smiled "yeah" "congratulations guys" but she didn't sound happy, she sounded really, really sad. i felt horrible. we'd tried to talk about it with brad, but he wouldn't say anything, he just shut us down right away. he wanted no part in us helping him. nicole noticed how sad she was too, she looked at me, a concerned look in her eyes "rhonda, is, he..." i trailed off "is he, hurting you?" i finished "not in the way you're thinking about adz" she said. "oh" i said quietly. nicole took my hand and squoze it tightly. but i couldn't push down the feeling that he was hitting her. and so help me, if he was......