Gerard {You Know All My Favourite Singers} Way {Have Stolen All Of My Best Lines} 3

One week later

“Here we go again,” you mutter as you button up your coat. You hadn’t cried over the past week – you’d ghosted through it, surrounded by stares and whispers.

He’ll be back, your mind tried to comfort you with. As he was being cremated after the service, however, you doubted this very much, unless he somehow found a way to stick his body from ashes back in time for his baby to be born. You laughed aloud.

He’ll be back.

There would be a short service and then he’d go up in flames. Possibly so that he doesn’t come back and fuck everyone over again.

He can’t have left.

“Come on, baby,” you murmur, picking Helena up.

“Wan’ Daddy,” your toddler sulks, the spit of Gerard. She was in a little black dress especially for the funeral.

“Honey, I’d give the world and everything in it to have him back, but it’s not going to happen,” you say roughly, holding her close. She wriggles and cries in your arms, getting more and more restless and whiney.

“Helena, PLEASE!” you bellow. She stops immediately, a scared look on her little face. You’ve never yelled at her before – at least, not like that. You regret it instantly. “Oh honey, Mummy’s sorry, she didn’t mean to yell at you like that,” you coo, holding her close.

“Mummy wan’ Daddy?” Helena asks, head on one side. She seems to understand a hell of a lot for a two-and-a-half-year old.

You nod, choking back tears. “You and Daddy were the best things to ever happen to Mummy. And…and your big brother Ben, too. I wish you’d known him, Hels, he was just like you…”

“Okay,” Helena chirps. “Mummy happy,” she says in her soft melodic voice, patting your face.

You smile, breathing in raggedly. “Mummy will be happy. Someday…”

~x~

The service

The coffin is open so that people could say their final goodbyes.

“Da Daddy!” Helena points to the coffin. It was heartbreaking how she actually know – but then, the last funeral she went to was Zachary’s, and you told her what was going on there. You take your time walking over to the coffin, willing your legs ever further. You get there and almost collapse.

“‘Ah, dear Gerard, why art thou yet so fair? Shall I believe that unsubstantial Death is amorous, and that the lean abhorrèd monster keeps thee here in the dark to be his paramour?’“ you whisper, referring to the fact that he looks more beautiful in death than he did in life, if that were possible. You take your husband’s cold, waxy hand and kiss it.

“ ‘Romeo and Juliet’? You seem to like that play,”

You drop Gerard’s hand and turn around.

“Donald? Yeah. That play is one of my favourites,”

Your father-in-law smiles. “Hey, Katie. How are you holding up?”

“I’m not sure I am,” you whisper. “What about you and Donna?”

“I can’t think…why him…died…” Donald trails off, eyes staring into space. The poor man must be in shock.

“And Donna?” you nudge gently.

“Not holding up at all. She’s having nightmares, not eating, not sleeping…she’s taken it so hard,”

“I’m…I’m sorry, I know how that feels,”

Donald looks at you.

“My son, I buried him over two and a half years ago,” you say distractedly.

“Mm. Yes. Of course,” Donald nods, scratching the back of his neck, eyes wandering about. He suddenly sees Helena in your arms and comes to life. “How are you, my gorgeous granddaughter?”

“Daddy sleepybye. Ssssh.” Helena puts a little finger to her lips. A tear runs down your face.

“Did Mommy tell you that?” Donald asks, looking at you strangely.

“No, no, I didn’t,” you stammer, suddenly feeling very vulnerable, as if everyone was staring at you. You run to your seat and the service begins – not that you notice anyway. The only time you pay attention is just when the curtains close on the man you loved – love – forever, and the song chosen begins playing.

“Goodbye, angel,” you whisper.

“A lonely road crossed another cold state line

Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find

While I recall all the words you spoke to me

Can’t help but wish that I was there

Back where I long to be, oh yeah.

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you

Is to hold her when I’m not around

When I’m much to far away

We all need the person who can be true to you

But I left her when I found her

And now I wish I’d stayed

Cause I’m lonely and I’m tired

I’m missing you again, oh no

Once again

There’s nothing here for me on this barren road

There’s no-one here while the city sleeps

And all the shops are closed

Can’t help but think of the times I’ve had with you

Pictures and some memories

Will have to help me through, oh yeah.

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you

Is to hold her when I’m not around

When I’m much to far away

We all need the person who can be true to you

But I left her when I found her

And now I wish I’d stayed

Cause I’m lonely and I’m tired

I’m missing you again, oh no

Once again

Well some search, never finding a way

Before long, they waste away

I found you, something told me to stay

I gave in to selfish ways

And how I miss someone to hold when hope begins to fade…

A lonely road crossed another cold state line

Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you

Is to hold her when I’m not around

When I’m much to far away

We all need the person who can be true to you

But I left her when I found her

And now I wish I’d stayed

Cause I’m lonely and I’m tired

I’m missing you again, oh no

Once again.

Whoa whoa, yeah yeah…”