Goodbye Apathy

Chapter 6

I grinded my teeth, my fists clenched as I ran up to him. "What are you doing here? Didn't you listen to m-"

"I did," he interupted quickly. "I want to eat lunch with you."

I sighed, "Caleb, you're a fool."

He smiled, "and why is that?"

"Because! I told you to leave me alone, I never want to speak to you again!"

He looked ahead, his eyes wide, before they turned to me, "and why is that?"

I sighing in annoyance, shoving him off my locker and opening it. "I don't have to explain anything to you." He stared at me as I grabbed my lunch, shutting my locker again. When I turned away, walking to where I usually ate, he followed. I turned back to him, stopping as he bumped into me. "What are you doing?"

He laughed, "deja vu, so is this where I say 'I should be asking you the same thing'?"

I grimaced, turning away and walking. He continued to follow. "Leave me alone."

He grabbed my wrist, and the icy grip made me shudder. I looked at him, "tell me why, please."

I pulled my wrist free, turning up the staircase, and he was right behind me. "You're going to have to try harder than that, Caleb."

I reached the top, him staring at the railing, deep in thought. When I was out in the fresh air, the cool wind brushed my cheeks and I shivered. It was nothing compared to him, his was like a cool blanket. This felt bitter, sharp. I sat down against the wall and he stood in front of me.

"If you tell me why you don't want to talk to me ever again, I will tell you one of my biggest secrets."

I froze, thinking over it. "Tempting, but I think I'll pass."

He frowned, sitting down next to me. "I have many secrets."

"I bet."

"I'm sure you'd like to hear one."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not a gossip, so don't even start."

He laughed. "Neither am I, but I'm serious, you'll like to here one."

I thought harder over it. Why was I pushing him away? Well I knew, but it felt so much more complicated as I tried to formulate it into words. Maybe I didn't have to. Maybe I could get more secrets out of him if I kept the majority of mine a secret. That way, maybe I could eliminate some of this confusion. I turned to him a smile on my face. "Here's the deal. I will tell you one reason of why I'm pushing you away, and there's many. In turn, you must tell me one of your secrets."

"No fair, I have many more secrets than you could possibly have for why you want to push me away."

"Then what do you propose?"

"After you run out of reasons for pushing me away, you tell me your biggest secrets as well."

I nodded, "sounds fair, I hope we have equal secrets.

"I'm sure we do," he said with a laugh, "hey, I like this game already."

I couldn't believe I was doing this, but I laughed back. On top of it all, I couldn't believe I just gave in that quickly. One day, and I was back into this relationship. Why was I doing this to myself? It was almost as if I intuitively picked to have a difference in my life, to have the pain that came along with it. That didn't sound pleasant, but this game did. I hoped his secrets were worth while.

"And no lying," I told him.

"Of course, I never would." I held out my pinky and urged him to put out his. He did and we shook on it. "And no telling," he added, and we shook on that as well, me nodding.

I smiled again, it felt strange on my lips. I hadn't smiled so much in a long time. "So who starts?" I questioned.

"Ladies first," he replied.

"Well, it's not very gentlemanly if 'ladies first' ends up implying a bad thing," I told him and he smiled. "Fine," I continued, "I don't care much anyway. So, what can I say first? Right, the reason I push you away is because..." I felt my heart throb in my chest, but I ignored it. "Because I've never quite been used to people."

"Really," he said, leaning his head back in thought. "I guess you can't say much more then."

I shook my head, "tomorrow."

"Hey, we can't say one once a day. We'll die before I get all mine out."

I sighed at him, "fine we can say as many as we want a day, as long as we are comfortable with sharing."

"We have to at least say one a day though, we can't hold out."

We shook on the next two rules.

"Okay then, now what do I say." He closed his eyes in thought. "Well I suppose I should tell you why I was at your locker today, ignoring your words the day before.

"I knew a girl a long time ago..." He paused, a strange expression filling his face. "I did everything wrong with her. I stayed when she never needed me. I left her when I shouldn't have. It ended up horribly." He looked to me. "Now I don't make you my chance to make things right, but I am your friend now, I accept that entirely, and I know what to do now. I see what is the wrong choice, and I know what action I have to take, I can't deny it."

"What action is it that you must take?"

"Tomorrow," he told me with a smile, and I sighed, turning and looking into the distance. My breath was a cloud, disapearing in front of me as it floated up into the air.

"I suppose if you're going to give me so much information, I should add more to mine."

"Really?"

"Tomorrow," I replied, smiling. "Why did you tell me so much?"

"I told you, I have many secrets, and that one is the least of my worries. At leat, compared to the others..."

The bell rang and I sighed. I had Spanish. I got up and left, him right behind me. "I suppose I'll have to meet you in gym," I frowned.

"You act as if that's a bad thing," he replied.

I just shook my head, turning off the stairs, and him going the opposite direction.

Spanish was interesting. I walked in, Caitlin portraying the strangest face, almost worried. I walked up to her and she smiled weakly. "Hey," I said, smiling.

"Hey, how are you?" She seemed nervous.

"Of course, how are you?"

"Good," she looked around biting her lip. "Okay Madison, I know we're only Spanish buddies, but I do worry about you. I never got a chance yesterday, but I want to know if you're alright. Truly alright."

I blinked at her, and smiled for a second before it faded into content. "Cait, I'm better today. Yesterday was rougher, but just don't worry about me." I sighed. This was difficult, but all a part of the test, right? I had to be a friend. "And we are not Spanish buddies, we're buddies."

Her face brightened up, brushing her creamy brown, knotted waves from her face. The teacher walked in, and she faced her, a smile on her face. All the sudden, I didn't mind her so much.

Gym rolled around, and Caleb was already changed, holding the volleyball in his hand. Only yesterday, it was the same picture, except I was scowling at him, and he was frowning at me. I entered the change room, opening my locker as fast as I could. I wanted to get out of there as quick as I could.

The girls were staring again, and I kept my eyes on the ground, avoiding their gaze.

As soon as I was done, I left the change room and joined Caleb as we made our teams. After the teams were made, we waited for the teacher to set up the matches. This was our final class so we were going to play all games for the rest of the class. Caleb set the ball to me, and I backed up to recieve it, bumping it back to him. However, it decided to go severly to the right and I cringed. He caught in nonetheless, laughing as he hit it perfectly to me. I tried to set it, and it thudded against my fingers. I was still hopeless I supposed. My hair wasn't helping much either, and even though I had it in a pony tail, it still hung down my back, heavy as ever.

The class went by and I left on the bus with Caleb. Kieran hadn't shown up, and I was actually happy about this. As I sat on the bus, a small smile crept onto my face. I knew this day was going to hit me like a ton of bricks later on, but right now it seemed quite pleasant. The world seemed to have settled for now, taking away the veil and letting me live. To my surprise, I felt in that very moment that I was alive.