Darkness Surrounding

"Friends and Family - members of the community, within the healing embrace of God's love we have gathered here to remember of life of Robert Thatcher Carson and to entrust him into God's eternal care, knowing that God's good purpose for his people cannot be defeated by sin and death. We are all children of God, and in the faith that God has given to us, we turn to God now asking for his comfort and his grace to be upon us - and to dwell in a special way upon Robert and upon those who were privileged to love Robert during his short stay with us upon this earth.

Let us bow our heads in prayer: Compassionate and loving God, yours is the beauty of childhood and yours is the fullness of years. Comfort us in our sorrow, strengthen us with hope, and breathe peace into our troubled hearts. Assure us that the love we had for Robert was not in vain - indeed make it a part of the store of goodness you are even now pouring out upon him in your eternal kingdom. Indeed help us to bless you for the gift you gave us in his, for the joy he gave all who knew him, for the memories that will abide with us, and for the assurance that he lives forever in the joy and peace of your presence. Guide us through this time of sadness with the light of your love and the strength of your compassion - we ask it in the name of Christ Jesus. Amen."

I slowly lifted my arm, and unclenched my fingers from the rose I was grasping. I watched as, seemingly in slow motion, it fell onto the beautiful white coffin, outlined in gold. The only red one in a pile of white. The coffin was slowly lowered into the ground and the mourners started walking away towards their cars, heading back to the funeral home for the get-together that followed a funeral. They were going to all go up to my mom and Mark and tell them how sorry they were, how bad they felt for us.

I felt someone walk up behind me and put their arm around my shoulder. I looked over to see Valary standing there, tears running down her face as she, too, watched the coffin slowly be covered up by dirt. The grave diggers looking almost bored with what they were doing. They had been through this too many times to count. So what if this innocent little boy was murdered in his big sister's bed? So what if they had no idea who the killer was? So what if the poor older sister was standing right there, watching as they rolled their eyes and shoved dirt onto the only love of her life. They'd seen it before. They'd seen it all.

"Come on," Val said in a quiet, choked voice. She led me away from the grave, arm still around me, and to my truck that was sitting in front of a short, black limo. My mother was standing in front of it, next to Mark. Mark looked annoyed. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it up, puffing away. My mother stood there staring at me, a sad look on her face. I know she wanted me to rush into her arms, she wanted to comfort me, she wanted us to get through this together. But there was no way in hell I could do that. She was there. But instead of seeing to it that Bobby was safe and happy, instead of ensuring his safety, she passed out on the couch. She didn't even wake up when I started screaming, or when the ambulance and police officers got there. They thought she had passed out from grief. They took her out on a stretcher and hospitalized her, until they realized she had just passed out from drinking too much.

I turned away and crawled into the passenger side of my truck, handing Val the keys. She started up Ol' Faithful and sped away. Away from the graveyard, away from the funeral home, away from my mother. She sped all the way to Central Park. She pulled into a spot and got out, I slowly followed behind her. We walked down the path, glancing to the left and seeing the Westlake Circle sign across the street. We walked all the way down to the sand next to the water and sat down under the blazing sun. It hadn't been a cold, windy, or even dark day. The sun was shining bright, there was a slight breeze, and the air was unusually crisp. Birds were chirping and singing as they swirled around on the currents of air, and the whole world seemed to be singing a happy tune.

We sat there for a while, watching the water, listening to others have fun around us. After a while we heard laughter and footsteps.

"Well, well, well, look who it is!" I heard from behind us. I saw Valary turn around in the corner of my eye and see who it was.

"Oh, hi guys," she said in a small voice.

"What's wrong?" I heard Jimmy ask, the serious tone sounding odd coming from him.

"Today's not a happy day."

"Why's that?" Brian asked as he and the guys took seats next to us.

Val looked over at me and I shrugged, staring back out over the water.

"Mo's little brother was murdered, and the funeral was today."

The guys were silent for a moment.

"So that's why you two haven't been in school," Matt said quietly. We nodded.

"I'm really sorry, Mo."

I turned to my left to look into Zacky's green eyes. They seemed faded, as if sad news sucked the light out of them. I blinked and looked back out at the water. I didn't trust myself to speak. I knew my voice would crack and I would start crying. I could already feel the lump rising in my throat, in that slow painful way it usually did. I swallowed it back down. In all my life, I had never cried. Not even when I was little and got nicks and cuts. I'd always just bite my lip and kick whatever hurt me.

If only I could get my hands on whoever did this to Bobby.

I don't know how long we sat there, all of us, just staring out at nothing. But it was night, and the moon was making its way high into the sky, when one by one the guys started making their ways home. First Jimmy left, saying he had to make it back to the Laundromat or something like that. Then Brian had to go, saying he had a long walk home. Matt left then, his parents would freak if he didn't get home. They all left, giving me big, reassuring hugs as they went. Val left after Matt did. Her parents came and found us sitting there.

"Valary, honey, you really need to come home and get some rest."

"I don't want to, Mom."

"I know you don't, sweetheart, but you need to. Moanna, honey, you can stay with us if you want."

"Thanks, Mrs. DiBenedetto, but I think I'll stay here for a while longer."

Debbie nodded and walked over to me. She bent down and wrapped her motherly arms around me, giving me the best hug I've had in a long time. She's always been more of a mom to me than my own. Nick walked over and gave me a hug too, being the father that I've never had. Then he put his arms around Val and slowly lifted her up. She quickly bent back down and gave me a long, hard hug, getting as much comfort as she was trying to give.

"Come stay with me tonight, ok? Later?" She asked, tears in her eyes. I nodded. She patted me on the arm gently and then walked off with her parents, waving goodbye to Zacky and Cameron, who were still there.

I sighed and looked back out at the water again. Finally after a while, Zacky scooted a little closer.

"Mo? It's one in the morning already. I have to get home, or else my parents are going to file a missing persons report. You should probably get some rest, you know?"

I nodded and looked down at my arms that were wrapped around my knees. He turned and wrapped his arms around me for a moment and then got up, wiping sand off his pants.

"Rackam, you coming?"

"In a while."

"Alright."

I heard Zacky leave, leaves crunching under his feet as he got back onto the path and started heading home.

My gaze returned to the water and I watched as the silhouette of a family of ducks passed by, sending ripples throughout the black water.

"You need to cry."

I jumped a little. I had forgotten that Cameron was still there. I turned around and looked at him. He was sitting just behind me, off to the side a little. I gave him a confused look.

"I know that's why you aren't talking. You don't want to cry. But you need to."

I glared and turned back to the water. He treats me like shit and then he preaches to me? I don't fucking think so. What the hell does he know anyway?

"If you don't you'll end up like me."

I turned back around to look at him. What did he say?

"You lost someone?" I asked quietly.

"My parents."

I stared at him for a moment. "Well now you make sense."

He nodded and scooted up next to me. We sat there for a while and stared out at the water before he spoke again.

"I'm serious, you know."

"I know."

"If you don't do it now, you won't be able to do it at all."

"Yes I will. All I'll have to do is think about it."

He shook his head. "That's what I thought, but that won't happen."

"Sadness isn't the same for everyone, you know," I snapped.

"Yes it is. If you hold it in now, you'll end up becoming numb. And then you'll become angry. And that's how you'll stay."

"Would you shut up! You act like you're an expert on this crap!"

"I'm just saying, from experience-"

"Yeah I know what you're saying, but you're wrong, ok?!"

"Mo, you need to-"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" I shouted. I could feel the lump rising up again and before I could stop them, tears spilled over my eyes, making my mascara run down my face. I buried my head in my arms and tried to keep my shoulders from shaking as I sobbed for the first time in my life.

I felt Cameron put his arm around my shoulders and he sat there while I cried. After I while I sniffed as I lifted my head up and wiped away my tears.

"Feel better?"

"Not really."

"Good. I would have called you insane if you had said yes."

I stared at him for a moment.

"You should probably go get some rest now," he said. I nodded and stood up, smoothing my black dress out. He stood up and wrapped his arms around me for a moment. I stood there and buried my head in his shoulder, taking in the smell of cigarettes and cologne. He finally patted me on the back and I pulled away, giving him a weird look.

"This doesn't make us friends," he said. He pulled away and walked toward the path. I watched him as he disappeared into the darkness, not once looking back.

"God he's annoying!" I muttered. I walked onto the path and to the right, making my way down Westlake Circle. I stomped up to the familiar tan house and quietly opened the door. Nick had fallen asleep in his chair in the living room, the TV still on, no doubt waiting for me. I sighed and pulled the blanket off of the back of the couch and placed it over him before walking up the stairs to Valary's room. I quietly opened the door and peeked through the blackness to see her lying on her side, facing the wall, on her bed. I took off my heels and tiptoed into the room, shutting the door behind me silently. I crawled onto her bed and snuggled into my usual place up against the wall.

"Are you ok now?"

"A bit better than I was before."

"That's good. Did Zacky and Cam leave?"

"Eventually."

"Oh."

I paused for a moment.

"Hey Val?"

"Yeah?"

"It's six friends."

pathway in central park. if you look to the left from here you'll see:

westlake circle =D and from that path, if you go straight ahead:

you'll get to the lake that i was talking about =D

i'm so lame...

even on vacation i was thinking of my story. ha.

False List:

- Again, Val doesn't live on Westlake Circle

- No, I'm not religious. I've had people wonder though, because of the sermon in the beginning. I got that off of the internet. A poor 24 day old girl by the name of Marie passed away and that was her sermon. RIP to her.

- Cam Rackam's parents didn't die. Or maybe they have. I have no idea. If they did then =[ But I told you I wasn't going to make him an ass for no reason =/