XXXX
It was another cold winter day in France, and it was your twentieth birthday. You had been living there for years, and your life was now completely different. You were different.
You found ways to keep your mind off of him. It was hard, but you tried.
Although sometimes you would catch the scent of a leather jacket and cigarette smoke and your head would flood with the memories you tried so hard to suppress for the past three years. His face haunted your dreams, and his voice sang to you sometimes when you were lonely. He was still with you, and you knew he would probably never leave. You were still in love with a boy that was a whole ocean away. A boy you had left behind three years ago.
You never spoke his name in fear that you would collapse in tears just remembering what you had given up on.
If he had seen you today you doubted he would recognize you. You has lost an extreme amount of weight, and most people blamed it on the fact that you were a ballerina, and what ballerina wasn’t stick skinny? But you blamed it on anorexia. Or something like that. You just didn’t find interest in eating anymore. You ate what you had to, but nothing more. You didn’t like people noticing your weight, so you wore oversized clothes. You were forced to cut and dye your hair once you moved, to a short light brown style. It was your natural hair color, so you hadn’t dyed it since you moved. The only thing the same about your appearance was probably the amount of make-up you wore. That would never change.
Smoking was also a new hobby of yours. He smoked Marlboro Reds, and you smoked nothing but. Sometimes when you were alone you would light up a cigarette and be reminded again of who you left behind. It also contributed to your weight problem.
But anyway, today was your birthday. Nothing had been planned, and you were just hoping for the opportunity to lay around all day in your pajamas. You lived with Amanda in a rather small apartment, but you two lived comfortably together. Today she was out all day doing god knows what. This left you the entire day to lounge around.
You were flipping through television channels and landed on your favorite American station. It was basically your only way of keeping in touch with American culture, besides what Bree and Sarah told you through their frequent phone calls.
You kept the station on while you went into the kitchen to start making popcorn. A music video started and you listened while watching your popcorn in the microwave. It sounded like good music. You couldn’t really hear it because the TV was facing the other direction, and the popcorn was making an awful lot of noise.
But as you walked back to the couch carrying yourdinner the voice on the TV became more clear. When realizing what it sounded like you ran to the couch and practically dropped the popcorn all over the place.
At first all you saw on the screen was a girl dancing. But not just any girl. It was Carly. She had longer hair and was slightly more pale, but she was dancing and she looked fantastic. It had been so long since you had seen her face. The scene looked to be like a funeral. And then you saw Ray.
Then Frank, Mikey, and last but certainly not least, Gerard. Your heart could have fallen into a million pieces, but you continued to watch. His voice sounded exactly the same as it had the first time you had heard him sing. Tears stung your eyes.
You watched the video the rest of the way through, and waited for the information at the end. When the video ended a man came on the screen.
"That was My Chemical Romance with their newest single ‘Helena’" And then he continued talking about some other band that was of no concern to you.
You closed your eyes and fought back the tears. You leaned your head back on a pillow and tried to play back the video in your head. He looked the same. A little slimmer, and with longer hair, but it was Gerard. The band had made it, and you felt like a jerk. You didn’t know why. But this was the first time you really regretted leaving. Sure you had felt bad before, but after seeing him on TV you truely felt the pain. Seeing his face made you want to go back to when you were 16, and you wanted to stay with him, work things out. It was too late though. He had forgotten about you, and he was living his life. You would continue on with your life in France and never see him again.
XXXX
Within the next couple days you discovered that Swan Lake was having its final performance in two weeks, meaning you needed to find a new job. The director said he would pass along your name to some other ballet companies, and that would certainly help. But you decided that once the show ended, you would take a break for a little bit and go back to America to visit your friends and family.
You called your dad and told him you were coming home, and he said he would get your room ready. You also called Sarah and Brianna and they said they would definitely be there when you got home.
Two weeks later, you packed your things, said good bye to Amanda, and left for New Jersey.
