Jersey's P.O.V.
"you're real torn up about it" Rachael Yamagata
This was torture. I mean was I really this bad in a past life that I needed to be punished like this? I just needed to hold out for a little while longer. Come on Jersey, I thought, take it like a man. I sighed loudly and stared at my book. John Steinbeck always confused me, or bore me. The way he can spend five pages describing sand flabbergasts me. Angeline Porter, the mermaid from Boston, was sitting on my one side. I kept feeling like she was watching me, which wasn’t anything new considering, but it was annoying added on to the torture I was already dealing with.
The torture I’m referring to? Josh Farro was sitting on my other side. He was ignoring my existence just as much as I was ignoring his. But, I wonder if he’s thinking about me. Probably, if anything, thoughts about how much of a bitch I am.
Why do I care? I screamed in my head.
God, I miss him. I sighed again as I thought that. It’s hard to ignore how aware my body was of his. Sitting this close to him, it was hard to keep the memories out of my head. How he smelled, how he smiled, how he tasted. I stopped myself abruptly. That’s enough of that. Bad things come of thoughts like that. I don’t need bad things right now.
When the bell rang, I didn’t bother to put anything in back in my bag, I just grabbed everything and took off for the hallway. I didn’t stop until I was out in the parking lot and next to Jill’s car. I waited, crouched over, for her and Carrie to come out. When they finally showed up I jumped into the back seat and waited patiently for them to join me.
“What is you’re deal?” Carrie asked climbing slowly into the car.
“Nothing.” I said looking out the window as Jill pulled out of the parking lot.
“Liar.” Carrie said, glaring in the rearview mirror.
“Leave it alone.” Jill said softly. “It doesn’t mean anything.” She gave me a meaningful look in the rearview mirror that told me she believed differently.
Neither of them knew anything about Josh and me. There is no Josh and me! There never was. I winced slightly at the thought, and bit my lip.
Josh was in the driveway playing basketball when Jill dropped me off. He looked over as I closed the car door and Jill pulled away. I tried to avoid looking at him, but I could feel him watching. He stood there, with the ball under his arm, just watching me. I stopped and stared back. “Hey.” I said quietly, but I knew he heard me.
“Hey.” He said back, bouncing the ball a few times before holding it between his hands. “How are you?”
“Good.” I lied. I was far from good. This was the first time we’d talked in months. “How’re you?’ I was hoping my voice didn’t sound as desperate as I thought it did.
“Good.” He said, before clearing his throat and giving me a weak smile. “You know.”
I nodded, even though I had no idea. I wish we could have a real conversation, like we used to, a conversation that actually meant something. This small talk was tearing me apart.
“I’m going to go.” I said, nodding my head towards my house.
“Right.” He said nodding his head while staring at the ground. He turned and shot the ball at the basket like I’d already left.
“See you.” I called, in a last attempt. I knew I’d already lost him though.
“Sure.” He called half heartedly without looking at me.
I shouldn’t have expected anything more. I mean how do you expect to be treated by someone after you broke their heart.
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