Cross Sea's, Cross Love, Cross life.

I spy with my little eye, something that is white. Well, what a coincidence seeing as everything on this bloody plane is white. The leather seats, the tea trays, the dodgy woman sitting next to me and her pathetic white carry on purse. Even when i look out the microscopic window all you can see is an endless blanket of white velvet. But what i was really referring to in the first place was the paleness of my clenched knuckles, refusing to release themselves from the armchairs slippery grip.
My mother must be killed immediately.
That horrid, wretched, idiotic woman is literally the Satan in my life. She literally sits down at the coffee table in the morning, grabs a pencil and a rubber, and writes down the things she needs to succeed in life.
1. Ruin Maddies Life.
2. Ruin Maddies Life.
3. Ruin Maddies bloody life.
I admit, i wasnt the most timid kid on the block, but really, what does she expect me to do all day? Sit around like a swat and watch Hannah Montana?
I would rather strangle myself with her rather large knickers.
Off the topic of my mothers large knickers. So i had been misbehaving a little in the past month-or year- towards my family. Who doesn’t? It did not however give her the right to deport-or how do you Americans say it, exile, vacate?- me from the bloody country! Away from my mates, family, and god forbid GALAXY CHOCOLATE!
Now I’ve tasted American chocolate before. Whats wrong with it you ask? It tastes like rubbish that’s what! What do those dodgy Americans put in it? Dirty nappys?
Sure tastes like it.
Anyways, back to my horrid life which is now spiralling down the toilet(THANKS MUM) into a black obis.
Mother dearest, is sending me off to Boarding School. Now i can say ive paid enough attention in school to know thats not a real place.
What the bloody hell is a boarding school anyways? Is it like a place where you board onto a Titanic looking ship and snog all day with hot blokes?
You see that’s what i first thought, but to be completely honest i'm smarter than the average girl. Little did my mother know I looked up this "Boarding School" on the web, and what did i find?
An American terrorist training camp.
No no sillies, i'm just joking. But i did find some rather disturbing information. Like you had to share a lavatory with the whole floor. Call me crazy, but i'd rather go to the loo without twenty girls looking onward thank you very much. Also, i found out that all the naughty children, and/or the rich folk go there to escape their parents.
Now that doesn’t sound like me at all.
Suddenly, the lady beside me stirred at my loud grumbling yet again, clearing her throat quite loudly.
Oh pleaseee! You don’t see me complaining about her naff and out of season Joggerbums and bright purple trainers. Now really, is it necessary to dress like an 80's Olympic gymnast while sitting on your fat arse on a plane?
Clearly not.
For the rest of the plane ride i was rather enjoying myself. Helga-I had named the lady beside me Helga because of the giant mole on her cheek and disgusting fashion choices- had been the center of my attention ever since I last was complaining.
I found it very amusing to turn my music up very loud so she couldn’t fall asleep, push her little button that called those woman to come when she wasn’t looking, and pretending to fall asleep on her shoulder while snoring very loudly.
I was quite proud of myself, actually.
I couldn’t feel my bottom as the plane started to land. You could tell Helga was anticipating the moment when she could dart out of her seat and to McDonalds, away from me to her comfort food. Some man's voice interrupted my thoughts as his voice boomed over the intercom, instructing us to exit the plane in an orderly fashion like we were all preschoolers.
When Helga finally got her fat bottom from out of my face, i quickly squeezed myself from the seat, quickly snatching the sicky bag as a souvenir. You never know, could come handy some day.
A weird sensation hit me as i stepped into the all American-ugh- air. It was like my stomach flipped upside-down, and i started to get dizzy.
I didn’t like this place already.
And as i walked into the airport, with millions of little robots rushing around, i rolled my eyes at the first thing i laid eyes on.
Welcome to The United States of America! Where your dreams can come true!
Oh bugger.