Jealous Orchard (Brendon Urie) 15

Collin hadn’t said a word to me since we had left the Hospital. He had rubbed my back in a soothing way as we rode in a smelly cab back to the Hotel, but offered no words of advice or insight. Even when we had reached the hotel, where I was currently sulking on the bed, he kept silent. I finally turned my head to look at him, my throat sore from my small breakdown in the elevator, “Am I being dramatic?”

He laughed lightly, looking over at me, “Honestly? Yes. But it’s understandable.”

I sighed, cupping my hands over my face as I let my elbows rest on my knees, “I just don’t understand why he would start something when he’s leaving in a week and my dad is in the hospital,” I mumbled.

“Well, that’s something you’ll have to talk to Brendon about,” Collin reminded me, “but I think right now you’re putting all your emotions from everything happening with dad, and the lack of sleep everyone has had, and putting it on Brendon.”

I lifted my head up out of my hands and looked at him, “You think I overreacted?”

“I think you have every right to be upset with him, but I think that if you weren’t all wound up from dad you wouldn’t have reacted as dramatically.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek before letting out a groan and falling backwards onto the bed, “I just feel like every time Brendon and I start to fix things something happens to shake them up again,” I tried to explain. “I also think he has the worst sense of timing.”

“I think that you should hang here for awhile, let yourself calm down and cool down. Try and get some sleep and let your mind get some rest. Then you can think clearly about everything,” He suggested, patting my shoulder as he stood up. “I’m heading back to the hospital. Mom is probably down there now and wondering why Brendon and Ryan are there but her kids aren’t,” He said, smiling at the thought. He moved past me and headed towards the door of my room.

I kicked my shoes off of my feet and let out a large rush of air, sending the stray pieces of hair that had fallen in my face flying. I let my hands rest on my stomach, rising with every breath I took in. I shut my eyes, trying to drown out the sounds of someone vacuuming e down the hall and the screaming toddler in the room across the hall. I didn’t even want to think about Brendon or my dad or how the blankets on this bed made me kind of itchy. I was suddenly so overwhelmed with exhaustion that all I wanted to do was drift off into sleep and live in the dream world for a little while. I wasn’t as dramatic over there.

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I could hear someone calling my name, their voice muffled by something, though I wasn’t quite sure what. I opened my eyes, looking at the clock next to the bed to see I had managed to drift off for a good hour and a half. I stretched my arms up above up my head, my hands knocking into the headboard as I did so. I sat up slowly, blinking my eyes a few times to try and rid the fatigue from them. I could hear some muttering from outside of the door before I heard Brendon’s quiet voice call, “Paige?”.

I bit my lip, walking to the door and looking through the tiny peep hole at him. He was biting his lip, this nervous expression upon his face as he let out a sigh that was loud enough for me to hear through the door. I ran a hand through my hair, “Brendon, just leave me alone for a little while.”

“I just…I want to talk to you,” He said again.

“I know I just…I don’t want to talk right now, I just want to-”

“Just, I have something I want to say,” H interrupted.

I let my forehead rest against the door, sighing. “Bren, I’m not ready to talk about this, yet. I just want to calm down and sleep,” I tried to explain to him, lifting my head off of the door so I could look at him through the peep hole again.

He rubbed his eyes, “I just have something I want you to hear,” He said.

“Brendon-” I began.

“Just listen to it. We can talk later, I just want to play this for you,” He asked quietly.

I paused, shutting my eyes before saying, “Brendon, just let me be for a little while.” I waited for his response, instead receiving silence as my answer. I looked through the peep hole again, slightly disappointed to find that he was no longer standing there. I turned around so my back was against the door and let my hands cover my face once more as I took a deep breath, feeling those emotions rushing back to me. I let my back slide down he door until I was sitting with my back against the door, taking deep breaths so I didn’t have another cry fest.

I heard Brendon come back, his footsteps almost hesitant as they stopped outside of my door. I heard him sit down outside of the door, making me smile slightly at how alike we seemed in that moment. “I hope you realize how embarrassing this will be for me,” he called through the door, making me raise my eyebrows up slightly as I felt curiosity creep through me. He cleared his throat before I heard the soft sounds of a guitar being strummed, making me lift my head up from my hands so I could hear clearer.

Please run, please run
Please run away with me
Please come, please come
Please come and stay with me
don't know what to do if once more I lose you
It will tear me in two

I listened to him singing, trying to remember what song it was and straining my ears so I could pick up every word that was sung from his mouth.

If you should go right now, if you should go right now
If you should go right now, I want to see you but I don't know how
Please run, please run
Please run away with me
Please come, please come
Please come and stay with me
I don't know what to do if once more I lose you
It will tear me in two

I turned my body so I was sitting beside the door with my ear pressed against the wood so I could hear him better. It was the quietest I had ever heard Brendon sing and I realized it was the first time he was really embarrassed and nervous to be singing since Panic had gotten signed. It made my heart pump just a little faster as I listened to him.

I stood up now, shaking out my tensed muscles and relaxing against the door once more as Brendon finished the song.

But I can't explain the way I feel
And all I know tonight is that it's real
I'm praying, darling:
Maybe someday we, together can be the king and queen
Maybe someday we, together can be the king and queen

I finally gave in, pulling open the door and making Brendon look up at me from his spot on the ground, stopping mid-strum so he could make sure I was really standing there before he gave me a tiny smile and sang the very last line,

Maybe someday we, together can be the king and queen of all I've seen

I looked down at him, not able to keep the small smile that had worked its way onto my face hidden. Brendon stood up from the floor, his guitar held in his left hand. He bit his lip, looking nervous again, before saying, “Sorry.”

I shook my head, taking a step forward so I could wrap me arms around his middle. It took him a second, probably from surprise at my actions, before his free arm was around my shoulders. I pulled away from him, stepping aside and nodding at him to come into the room. He did so, placing the guitar to rest against the wall before he sat down on the edge of the bed. I sat down next to him, folding my hands in my lap and looking over at him. “I overreacted earlier, and I’m sorry,” I said, making him look up at me in surprise. “I’m still mad, I just shouldn’t have yelled and stormed off. Everything else that’s happening hit me and I just lost control.”

He shook his head, “No, you didn’t overreact,” He said, sighing as he shifted himself so he was facing me. “I know this was a bad time for me to start something with you. Tanya and I have been broken up four days and your dad is in the hospital, I’m leaving for a tour that’s looking like it will never end….I shouldn’t have started this,” He said. I felt my eyes beginning to sting as I waited for him to tell me we couldn’t gave a relationship until Panic was done their first headlining tour. “But I did, and I’m not sorry that I did,” he said, catching me by surprise. “Look, I know that this is terrible timing, and I’m really sorry about that because I know right now it’s just made things harder for you. But, God , Paige, I’ve spent the pat year and a half wishing you and I had something more then friendship and I just…I couldn’t wait anymore. I tried to feel about Tanya the way I feel about you, and I thought I did for a little while, but you’re just…I just want you to be with me when I go through everything that’s happening. And I want to be here for you, now.” He told me, reaching out so he could hold onto one of my hands.

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t remind me about the tour,” I admitted.

“I didn’t want you thinking about that, not when your dad was sick and you were worrying about your family. I shouldn’t be the focus of your worry right now,” He answered.

I nodded, taking in a big breath before I looked at him, smiling slightly, “I really liked that song.”

His cheeks tinged a little bit, a tiny smile tugging at his lips as he looked up at me, “It’s a Say Anything song called “Plea”. That chick from Paramore sings in it to, but I left that part out because it was a little pessimistic,” he told me, making me laugh slightly at him. “I just thought it summed up what I wanted you to know.”

I felt the smile that was already on my face morph into a grin as I leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Brendon.”

He didn’t say anything, just smiled at him as he leaned forward to press his lips against mine. “By the way, Ryan is wearing a pair of your underwear.”

I made a face, “What? Why?”

“I dared him to, since he said he was becoming a woman yesterday and I figured he should get used to feeling like one.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, suddenly feeling like the weight of all those emotions that had just been hovering over me less then an hour ago felt so much lighter.