Me: (Jumps off cliff and hits interview table thing and scares Kuwabara out of his wits) Hiya everyone!!! I’m here with Kuwabara and Yusuke today, and I’m going to annoy them as much as I did Hiei. This shouldn’t end well for them, since I hate stupid people with a fervor usually reserved for soccer moms and cheerleaders. And their… ‘music’.
Yusuke: Good luck trying to annoy me. I deal with THIS guy all the time (points at Kuwabara). There’s not much that can annoy me any more.
Kuwabara: Shut up, Urameshi! I’m not annoying!
Yusuke: See, how does that not drive you crazy?
Me: So, Question 1! Kuwabara, is it true that you flinch at the sound of a word with more than 3 syllables?
Kuwabara: (flinches) What d’you mean?
Me: Kuwabara.
Kuwabara: (flinches) What?
Me: EHEHEHEHEHEHE. Now is it true or not?
Kuwabara: Can I have another hint?
Me: I’ll take that as a resounding ‘yes’.
Kuwabara: Hey, are you saying I’m stupid?!
Me: Not at all.
Yusuke: (resisting urge to comment)
Scary: This interview is already idiotic, and I just got here.
Me: OHMYJESUS IT’S THE VAMPIRE.
Yusuke: ‘Vampire’?
Scary: Vacation in Reno. Long story. Not a lot of time. Moving on.
Schmieder: PILEDRIVER!!!!!
Yusuke: OH GOD I’M BEING EATEN BY A MONKEY!!!
Me: WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?!
Scary: Hey, Schmieder. That’s the second appearance you’ve made during an interview. You guys knock down the wall again?
Peacock: WHO TOLD YOU?!
Me: Ew, it’s the creature again.
Scary: Don’t let it touch you.
Yusuke: Are you gonna get this thing off me any time soon?
Me: Don’t plan on it.
Peacock: Can I ask the 2nd question?
Me: Scary, did you hear something?
Scary: Musta been the wind.
Peacock: Question 2! Yusuke, did your mom drop you when you were a baby or something? Why the hell are you so stupid?
Yusuke: You’re saying I’M stupid when THIS guy’s somewhere within city limits? (points at Kuwabara)
Me: Guy brings up a good point…
Schmieder: You guys are dumb. Now, stupid, answer the question or I’ll get Keiko.
Yusuke: Okay I’ll be good.
Schmieder: ANSWER IT!!!!
Yusuke: I dunno, maybe a few times…
Kuwabara: Or a lot.
Yusuke: Shut up, Kuwabara. Can we get on with it, people? I’ve got a date with Keiko and if I’m not there… suffice to say, it will NOT end well. For anyone.
Me: Peacock, Schmieder, we must stall them at all costs!
Yusuke: Oh, you guys are ASSES.
Kuwabara: What’s ‘stall’ mean?
Me: I don’t talk to stupid people.
Freaky: It’s for the good of all involved, really. She might, y’know, explode.
Scary: And this would be bad HOW?
Yusuke: Oh, God, there’s more of you?
Tiki: Yup.
Freaky: Yup.
Schmieder: Maybe.
Yusuke & me: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Tiki: OH GOD It’s the British squirrel!
Squirrel: Righty-o! Long time, no see, mates!
Me: Yeah, it’s been what, five, six minutes?
Freaky: MUST… DESTROY… SQUIRREL!!!!
Yusuke: Does she have issues with squirrels or something?
Freaky: (Chases squirrel in circles until she hits a wall)
Me: Well, I think that answers THAT question…
Freaky: DAMN SQUIRREL! I KEEEEEELL YOU!!!
Me: Alrighty then, uh, here’s the next question!
Tiki: I wanna read it!
Me: No way! I let Peacock do the last one, this one’s mine. ALL MINE I TELL YOU!!
Kuwabara: You guys are weird.
Tiki: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Me: Okay, Question 3! This one’s for Kuwabara! How do you do that spirit sword thing?
Kuwabara: What?
Me: That shiny thing that comes out of your hand, you pathetic insult to humanity.
Kuwabara: I know what you MEAN, I’m just not sure how to EXPLAIN it.
Yusuke: Yeah, don’t ask him any questions that he can’t answer with a yes or no. It might confuse him.
Kuwabara: Shut up, Urameshi!
Me: Is anyone but me concerned that Kuwabara just said thirteen words in a row without hurting himself?
Peacock: He must be so proud!
Me: So, Kuwabara, have you summoned up enough intellect to tell us how you do the spirit sword?
Kuwabara: What’s a ‘intellect’?
Me: OKAY, THIS GUY IS PROOF THAT THE EVOLUTIONARY CLOCK CAN ACTUALLY TICK BACKWARDS.
Scary: I feel bad for Yusuke.
Yusuke: You’re lucky you don’t have to work with him. He’s on his smartest behavior today.
Freaky: This… is his smartest behavior?
Yusuke: Yeah, he drives everyone but himself nuts.
Scary: Now I know how he annoys Hiei so much.
Me: (shakes off the aftermath of the stupidity) Okay! Question 4! Yusuke, how do you do the Spirit Gun?
Yusuke: I dunno, I guess it’s one of the things you get for dying twice.
Me: You’re both morons.
Kuwabara: Hey, Urameshi’s a bigger moron than me!
Scary: This idiot’s really starting to tick me off!
Me: Find your happy place!
Scary: I sold my ‘happy place’ on Ebay. Now it’s a waterpark!
Me: …WELL, then.
Peacock: (Stares at Yusuke seriously for a few seconds, then starts laughing uncontrollably)
Yusuke: Should I ask, or just let it go?
Me: I’d let that one go.
Yusuke: Good call.
Schmieder: Are you annoyed yet?
Yusuke: Mildly.
Tiki: Damn.
Peacock: WE HAVE TO WORK HARDER, PEOPLE! Kuwabara’s too stupid to annoy; we gotta at least annoy Mr. Glowyfinger over here!
Yusuke: ‘Glowyfinger’? Really?
Freaky: Annoyed yet?
Yusuke: I’ve heard smarter things come outta Kuwabara’s mouth. You people fail at life.
Me: No, Kuwabara fails at life.
Yusuke: This is true.
Kuwabara: OKAY, I’M RIGHT HERE, PEOPLE!
Me: Not my problem.
Kuwabara: …
Tiki: Tune in next week for the Kurama Interview!
Me: MY LINE, YOU FREAK SHOW!
