Me: HIYA!! MY NAME IS HAKU!!
Akito: What’s wrong with him?
Xavier: Don’t make eye contact, Akito. You might catch their stupid.
Me: He’s been copying me since… (checks watch) Uh, seven this morning.
Haku: IT’S ROLE PLAYING, AKITO!
Xavier: …Did you just call him ‘Akito’?
Haku: I DOTH BE PWNY!!
Me: …This is failure.
Xavier: You’re both morons. Question 1!
Me: I KILL YOU!! (Attacks Xavier for trying to read Question 1) Question 1! Neji, why are your eyes so freaky?
Neji: Because they are, now can I go?
Haku: NO!
Me: OR HAKU SHALL EAT YOU!
Xavier: Yeah, he does that sometimes…
Lee: That’s not normal.
Akito: Tell me about it. I baby-sit the kid.
Tenten: I’m so sorry.
Haku: BROCCOLI MAN!! (Runs away from Rock Lee)
Xavier: (To Neji) I’m really not sure what you are…
Me: BUT FREAKY LURVES YOU!
Neji: Who and what?
Haku: HAKU IS HUNGRY!!!
Akito: God, I can’t wait ‘til you turn emo.
Me: SPOILER! I KILL YOU! (tackles)
Haku: I AM A PONY!!
Akito: You’re too stupid to be a pony.
Haku: I AM NOT, AKITO!
Xavier and Scary: Did you just call him Akito?
Me: …where’d you come from this time, vampire?
Scary: Closet.
Me: Ah.
Scary: And why’s Haku copying you?
Me: It’s his ‘thing’ today.
Scary: Oh great, now there’s two of them. Excuse me, I need to call my insurance agent.
Xavier: That might be a good call.
Haku: Pony is hungry.
Me: No I’m not.
Haku: I AM PWNY, YOU FOOL!
Me: You’re a freak…
Neji: What’s wrong with them?
Tenten: Yeah, they’re kinda creepy.
Xavier: I know. We’re not really sure what wrong with them.
Akito: We really don’t want to know.
Xavier: I think Haku got dropped on his head one too many times…
Scary: I WANNA ASK QUESTION 2!!
Me: Fine.
Haku: The pwny agrees.
Akito: WILL YOU PLEASE BE NORMAL?!
Xavier: That’s like asking Haku to be smart. It’ll never happen.
Haku: Pwny says to stop picking on Haku.
Akito & Xavier: SHUT UP!!!
Scary: Question 2! Lee, why are you so…inexplicably WEIRD?
Lee: I’m not weird!
Scary: You’re right, you’re right. Your teacher’s the freak. That having been established, why are YOU so… weird?
Lee: GAI-SENSEI IS THE GREATEST!!
Peacock: I’m sure you think so.
Lee: HE IS!
Haku: Haku is hungry.
Xavier: Wait a second…
Akito: Haku?
Haku: Yes?
Akito: Good…
Xavier: FINALLY!
Tenten: (AFEAR’D)
Me: I’m hungry. TO THE KITCHEN!
Xavier: When’d this place get a kitchen?
Me: SINCE I FORGOT TO EAT BEFORE COMING TO THIS STUPID-FEST.
Peacock: Now then, Question 3! Lee, why does your name resemble that of broccoli?
Lee: It doesn’t!
Me: Come on! Broccoli and Rock Lee? WHO’S THE GENIUS THAT CAME UP WITH THAT?!
Lee: Masashi Kishimoto.
Me: ALWAYS WITH THE DETAILS!!
Lee: But that wasn’t… never mind.
Neji: Can we leave now?
Me: LEE HASN’T ANSWERED THE BLOODY QUESTION!
Lee: It doesn’t!
Peacock: Your name’s Rock Lee.
Lee: Point?
Tenten: You know, they do have a point, Lee.
Lee: Is everyone against me?!
Peacock: Not everyone. Just us. And a few, y’know, minions. ANYWAY-
Lee: ‘Minions’?
Peacock: EHEHEHHEHHEHEHEHE.
Me: …Okay, that was the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen.
Peacock: ALRIGHTY. Question 4! Neji, are you, by chance, a hobo?
Neji: What was that?
Me: I AM NOT DERANGED!
Neji: What?
Akito: You write these interviews. How is that not deranged?
Xavier: For once, I agree with Mr. Blue-Haired Idiot over there.
Akito: Shut up, Xavier. You’re just jealous.
Xavier: Why would I be jealous of someone with blue hair that could impale someone who got too close?
Akito: Shut up, moron.
Me: SO I TAKE IT NEJI’S NOT A HOBO?
Neji: NO I’M NOT!
Tenten: Remember your blood pressure, Neji.
Neji: Shut up.
Xavier & Akito: (Get in fistfight in background)
Haku: HUG ME, KITO AND XAVIER!
Both: NO!
Me: …Great tension-reliever, that kid.
Schmieder: Agaaaaa…
Neji: What’s on my head?
Me: Uh, that’d be a Schmieder.
Schmieder: AGAAAAAAAA!
Freaky: Should we be worried about that?
Me: Probably.
Freaky: OMFG IT’S NEJI!
Neji: Oh, great. Another one.
Me: Yes, another one. You seem impervious to being annoyed, so I called in backup.
Neji: But you haven’t left the room.
Me: Methinks Neji should shut up before he and all his contradictions doth get blown to China.
Lee: Why are you speaking in 18th century?
Me: DOST THOU WANTETH A PIECE OF ME?!
Tenten: I have no idea what you just said.
Neji: Why’s there a freak staring at me and a moron on my head?
Me: Because we doth be special.
Haku, Akito, & Xavier: (Continue to fight in background)
Me: Hey, where’d Scary go?
Haku: Haku does not know the answer to your question.
Me: Weren’t you just attacking Xavier and Akito for not hugging you?
Haku: Yes.
Me: …All right, then.
Tiki: Schmieder, off the crazy guy’s head.
Me: OHMYJESUS IT’S TIKI.
Tiki: Did someone lose this? (Holds up Scary)
Me: That depends. Where’d you find it?
Tiki: Hospital.
Me: Shocking.
Lee: Why?
Me: She’s a vampire.
Lee: … I didn’t even know they had vampires any more…
Me: Quiet, ninja-boy. So, Tiki, where’s Slinky?
Scary: I killed him- I mean he left for China this morning.
Slinky: I AM NOT!
Scary: WHY DOES HE LIVE?!
Slinky: FEAR ME!
Me: Oh, believe us, we do.
Akito: Does anyone care that Haku just tried to eat me, then stuff me in a closet?
Me: I’m sure somebody does. I am not that person.
Akito: Such love I’m feeling.
Me: At least you’re pretty.
Akito: SHUT UP!
Me: Never.
Akito: AAAGH!
Me: Mission accomplished! I finally made Kito go ‘AAAGH!’
Neji: Okay, Tenten, Lee, if we make a break for it they may not catch all of us.
Me: I DON’T THINK SO, BYAKUGAN-BOY!!!
Neji: What the…
Peacock: WE SEE ALLLLLLLL!!!
Tiki: Question 5! HEY! Where’d they go?!
Schmieder: China.
Me: Wow.
Scary: How d’you know?
Me: You really want to know?
Scary: I stopped caring after ‘how’.
Schmieder: Agaaaaa…
Slinky: RUN! VAMPIRE ON THE LOOSE!
Scary: What the-
Haku: BAT LADY! I EAT BAT LADY!! (tackles)
Me: No, Haku, no eating of the vampire. She’d give you heartburn.
Akito: It’s amazing how stupid you people are.
Xavier: Yep.
Akito: Tune in next time for the Sasuke and Itachi Interview!
Me: MY LINE!
Akito: You say this as if it’s my job to care.
Me: Shut up, über-queer. Okay, the only reason I’m interviewing Sasuke again is ‘cause, frankly, he’s entertaining. And Naruto said he’d give me twenty bucks to annoy both him and Itachi at the same time.
Slinky: FEAR ME!
Schmieder: Agaaaaaa….
Freaky: Hey, did you know ‘neji’ means ‘screw’? EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.
Me: OH, WOULD YOU JUST GET OUTTA HERE?
