Me: MY NAME IS SUPER-PONY AND I AM YOUR LEADER!! Haku: MY LINE! NYAAAAAAAH! (Attacks the pony’s head) Akito: Sigh…they want to kill us, Xavier. I can feel it. Xavier: Just don’t make eye contact. Orochimaru: Who are you people? Akito: Minions of hell.
Schmieder: HAKU IS AN OSTRICH!!
Haku: THE SCHMIEDER-CREATURE IS A SACK OF HAM!!
Akito: YOU’RE BOTH MORONS!!
Haku & Schmieder: KITO IS A PUDDING-FILLED SOCK PUPPET!!!
Akito: …sock puppet?
Xavier: I don’t even wanna know.
Me: Why the hell is Schmieder here first?
Xavier: Like I pay attention to your stupid friends.
Me: (cue idea-lightbulb) HEY, HAKU, XAVIER IS A BLUEBERRY PIE!!
Haku: YUM! PIEEEEE!! (Attacks Xavier)
Xavier: Blueberry pie? Really?
Haku: PIEEEEEE!!
Me: Ehehehe. Haku tackled the emo kid. Psychosis aside, Question 1! Orochimaru, why are you so inexplicably evil?
Orochimaru: Does a death wish cause you to speak that way to me?
Me: SEE? EVIL!!
Orochimaru: Curses, I did it again…
Haku, Vengeance, what’s he? (Points at Orochimaru)
Me: Haku, he is a… (Dramatic music plays in background) Snakeman.
Haku: …I EAT SNAKEY! (tackles)
Orochimaru: AHHHHHHH!! GET HIM OFF!!
Me: I believe the phrase is ‘GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!!’
Orochimaru: Just get him off before I kill him.
Haku: Agaaaaaa…
Scary: That’s Schmieder’s line.
Schmieder: Agaaaaaaa…
Haku: GET IT OFF ME!! GET IT OFF ME!!!!
Me: (To Orochimaru) See, the kid gets it.
Orochimaru: Now I’ve got two idiots on my head. Sigh…get them off me before I kill them.
Me: Haku, off.
Haku: AWWWW, YOU’RE NO FUUUUUUN!!
Akito: …you’re all retarded.
Me: Yes you are.
Haku: HAKU AGREES WITH THE PWNY!!
Akito: AKITO WANTS YOU ALL TO SHUT UP!!
Xavier: XAVIER WANTS EVERYONE TO STOP TALKING IN THE THIRD PERSON!
Orochimaru: (To Scary) You really have to put up with them all the time?
Scary: (Points at me) No, that’s her job. We call her the keeper of the morons.
Haku: HUG ME!
Akito: No.
Xavier: Just give him the damn hug before I brain you.
Akito: Why don’t you?
Xavier: Because you always make me do it.
Akito: So?
Haku: HAKU IS NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER!!
Xavier: Just hug him, Akito.
Akito: (To self) And they wonder why I hate PEOPLE…
Haku: HUG! (Hugs Akito)
Akito: Yes, yes, hug. Leggo.
Haku: NOT DONE!
Akito: Let go.
Haku: NOT DONE!!!
Akito: (Throws Haku out window)
Haku: WHEEEEEE!!!
Akito: The kid’s messed up.
Scary: I’m pretty sure he got that part.
Orochimaru: Eh heh…heh…
Peacock: THE PEACOCK HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT!
Me: SO DOES THE PONY. SHE THINKS YOU SHOULD STOP TALKING AND LET HER GET ON WITH THE INTERVIEW.
Peacock: THE PEACOCK THINKS YOU SHOULD KEEP A CLOSER EYE ON SCHMIEDER.
Me: WHY IS THAT?
Orochimaru: GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!
Me: …Should’ve seen that one coming…
Tiki: HIYA!
Me: HOLY MOTHER OF HELL!
Scary: Where in Lucifer’s reach did you come from?
Tiki: That is a question that does not necessarily need to be answered.
Me: What’d you set on fire, Tiki?
Tiki: …DAMN. (Jumps out window)
Me: Shocker, there.
Scary: Anyone but me notice that we haven’t even asked the second question yet?
Me: Well, I would get on with it, but Haku has my script.
Scary: That could be problematic in so many ways…
Haku: EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE. (tapes script to Xavier’s back)
Me: …Of ALL the bloody places.
Haku: HUG HAKU!
Akito: NO!
Peacock: I AM A PEACOCK HEAR ME SQUAWK! PEACOCK!
Me: Wow.
Freaky: Did someone lose this? (Holds up Tiki)
Me: No, put it back where you found it.
Freaky: ‘Kay. (tosses idiot out window)
Haku: HAKU SAID HAKU WANTS A HUG!
Me: CAN I ASK QUESTION TWO OR ARE WE GONNA BE STUPID FOR THE REST OF THE INTERVIEW?!
Haku: I go for the stupid.
Freaky: Me too.
Peacock: Me three.
Scary: I WANT TO ASK A QUESTION!
Me: …If you can get the script off Xavier, then go ahead.
Scary: ‘Script’. That’s funny. Question 2! Why did you kill the 3rd Hokage?
Orochimaru: The old fool got everything that was coming to him.
Me: OLD PEOPLE SHOULD BE EATEN.
Akito: …What?
Haku: THE HOKAGE DUDE LOOKS LIKE A GIRL!
Me: Thank you for that input, Haku.
Haku: Haku says no problem.
Orochimaru: Aren’t you Haku?
Haku: Yes.
Orochimaru: (To Xavier) Why does he talk in the third person?
Xavier: I don’t care.
Orochimaru: …
Haku: OH KIIIITOOOOO!!
Akito: SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE-
Xavier: Now now, Akito, let’s not be vulgar.
Akito: OH, LIKE I WANNA HEAR THAT FROM YOU.
Haku: YAY!
Akito: What’s he ‘yay!’ing about?
Xavier: I don’t even care enough to ask.
Me: Haku, no ‘yay’. You’ll confuse the Kito.
Haku: (Sinister music plays in background) …yay.
Me: AGH!!
Slinky: I HEAR SOMEONE SHORT BEING ANNOYED!!
Schmieder: Agaaaaa…
Me: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!
Slinky: The Internet, we’ve covered this before. Now, Schmieder, off my head.
Schmieder: Agaaaaa… (jumps onto Kito’s head)
Akito: GET OFF MY HEAD FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Schmieder: Blue hair…AGAAAAAA!!
Me: That’s… Wow.
Akito: GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!!!
Xavier: This entertains me greatly.
Akito: SHUT UP, XAVIER!!
British squirrel: Cheerio, mates!
Orochimaru: Did that squirrel just talk in an irritating British accent?
Me: …yeah…
Akito: Is anyone gonna get this thing off me?
Schmieder: Agaaaaa…
Akito: GET OFF!
Schmieder: But it’s blue!
Akito: QUIT EATING MY HAIR!!
Orochimaru: I guess it would be spiky enough to dismember someone.
Me: Yeah. I know.
Orochimaru: Are you gonna get it off him?
Me: I don’t plan on it.
Xavier: Hey, anyone seen Haku?
Tiki: OH NO! WE LOST HIM!
Me: He could be anywhere… he’s watching me… OUT THE WINDOW!! (Jumps (through two feet of tempered steel) out window)
Haku: HAKU’S HUNGER IS FINALLY SATISFIED!! (Munches on cherry bombs)
Xavier: Oh, THIS should go well.
Peacock: HEY!! THOSE ARE THE PEACOCK’S!!
Haku: NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! (runs away)
Schmieder: Agaaaaa…
Akito: (Rams into wall)
Schmieder: OWIES! (Falls off head)
Akito: THANK YOU GOD!
Xavier: This is ridiculous.
Me: CAN YOU HOLD STILL FOR LIKE FIVE GODDAMN SECONDS?! (steals script off Xavier’s back) QUESTION 3! Why do you look like MICHAEL FREAKIN’ JACKSON?
Orochimaru: Like I’d know. Ask the artist of the show.
Me: You mean Masashi Kishimoto?
Orochimaru: How’d you know that?
Me: We do not question the pwny’s sources.
Slinky: Then what’s the circumference of a sack of ham?
Me: Ostrich.
Slinky: SHE REALLY DOES KNOW ALL!
Scary: This interview is FAILURE.
Gaara: (Pokes head into room) She doesn’t know everything.
Me: You weigh exactly 86 pounds, are exactly four foot ten, and your blood type is AB.
Gaara: …I’m gonna go now. (withdraws head from room)
Haku: WHO WAS THAT?
Akito: WHY ARE YOU YELLING?
Haku: HAKU LEARNED THAT YELLING HELPS HAKU REMEMBER THINGS!
Akito: …I’m not even sure how to respond to that.
Haku: PURPLE IS A COLOR!
Xavier: Haku, we only interviewed him two weeks ago.
Haku: HAKU HAS SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS!
Akito: No you don’t. You didn’t five minutes ago.
Haku: LIKE HAKU SAID, IT’S CALLED SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS!
Xavier: That’s not what short-term means.
Haku: HAKU LIKES BACON!
Orochimaru: (jumps out hole in window)
Akito: Smart guy…
Me: Why did he just jump out a four-story window?
Tiki: You’d LIKE to know that, wouldn’t you?
Me: You concern me.
Tiki: I know this. This does not faze me.
Me: …Uh, well, for lack of anything better to say, tune in next week for the INTERVIEW OF SOMEONE I HAVEN’T ALREADY INTERVIEWED!
Akito: That was random. And stupid.
Xavier: I hate you all.
Akito: …So was that.
