Rage {Chapter 1: Hateful}

Breathe. B-bmp.B-bmp. B-bmp.

I wasnt sure why I was listening so intently to my heartbeat. But I needed something to think, something to keep my thoughts here. I was ashamed to say I didnt really care to remember anything else. I was too afraid. I jumped a foot in the air as I heard someone.

"Hey," I opened my eyes as Rage kneeled down by the side of my bed to look me in the eyes.

"Come on, get up! You've got training today. And this time I'm not gonna give you a chance. So make sure you're ready." I just sat there and stared at him. I couldnt believe this. I know it was stupid to me mad at him, he didnt know what happened, but did he have to be so happy? I felt like he was ignoring me.

He stood up and put his hand on my arm, ready to pull me up. "Come on, wake up..."

I jerked my arm away and rolled to the other side of the bed, "Dont touch me."

He didnt give up. He just went around to the other side of the bed.

"What is wrong with you? Are you sick or something? Or are you still recovering from the last training session?" He was smiling that perfect smile again. "How's your arms? Did you-" He had grabbed my hand and pulled my arm out from under the covers. I almost didnt want him to see.

"What happened?" I sat up, ready to pull my arm away, but he kept my hand there. He looked up and his eyes grew wide. "Why do you have bandaids on your neck?" I took my hand back. That was a stupid question. "You should know. It's your fault!"

He stepped back from me and I brought my legs up and wrapped my arms around them. I didnt want to start crying in front of him again.

"What do you mean its my fault? I didnt do anything-" He finally started to let it sink in. He couldnt ignore it forever. We both knew what happened, and he was going to see it whether he wanted to or not. "Why didnt you help me? I was so scared. I d-didnt know what to do, and it hurt so bad, and-" I couldnt help it. I was just in such a bad mood that I was going to start crying over something as stupid as this. I was so pissed off that I was just going to blame this on him. "What happened to you? Who did it? Why were you out by yourself?..." I wiped away my tears as I calmed down and he waited for me to tell him.

"Yesterday, I was out walking around and stuff, and I heard you talking." I could tell that he tensed up. He really hadnt noticed me. "And I went to see who you were talking to because I had stuff to ask you, and then you left and that girl, t-took me back to that place where we met those two people. Then he, I couldnt get away, I-" My throat tightened and I stopped talking. In my head, I was half hoping for Rage to demand the name of whoever did this and march down there to kill him. Instead he just stood there. "I'm sorry."

That was it? All he could say was sorry? I wanted so bad for him to feel sorry for me it was idiotic. I was attacked, I couldve been killed and he didnt have one reassuring thing to say to me. A couple more tears started in my eyes and I didnt bother brushing them away.

"If I would've known I-"

"Its not your fault. I shouldn't of yelled at you. It was my fault."

"You dont have to blame yourself it was just-"

"I shouldnt be walking around by myself. I shouldve just stayed home." My voice cracked pathetically on the word 'home' and I immediatly stopped sobbing. I put my head in my hands, careful to not put pressure on my bandaged wrist.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded silently. It was quiet for a couple minutes.

"I shouldve never drug you into this. You dont have to help me anymore. I'll leave you alone for now on." I didnt move and I could tell he stayed to see if I was going to say anything. He turned to go, and said something else that strangely upset me, "I'm sorry I hurt you, that one day. Sorry I...interfered so much." Before he could move I jumped up and threw my arms around him. I couldnt help it. He was the only other person I knew and trusted here. At first he held his arms out, surprised that I was actually hugging him, and then he dropped them to his sides. I didnt let go.

"You dont have to be sorry. I'm glad that happened."

"You are? Why?"

"Cause if it didnt, I would still be alone."

"You were really serious when you said you didnt like being alone, werent you?"

"Mmm-hmm." I decided he was probably getting sick of our little hug and backed away from him. I started wiping the tears out of my eye like it was just an eyelash or something.

"Sorry about that."

"Dont worry. Happens all the time. I'm too damn huggable for my own good." I laughed quietly.

"Well, I have stuff to do. You should get some more rest. Bye."

"Bye."

He closed the door behind him and I flopped down on my bed. Wow.

Ew.

Whoa.

No.

Oh no.

NO way.

That was it. I knew it. I just didnt admit it until now.

I loved him.

I was going to have to start drawing lines for myself.