After about a 15-minute walk, with lots of turns and crosswalks, we approached a Starbucks.
Everyone around me – including myself – released a sigh of relief.
Walking through the snow during a New York winter – especially in Buffalo – for even as little time as 15 minutes, was never fun.
All 6 of us walked into the heated Starbucks, shaking the snow off our coats, heads, and feet. The warm air was more than welcome after the frigid difference outside.
As I approached the counter with Gabe in tow – the rest of our group had gone to occupy a table, and I, of course, had gotten stuck with him, to my immense displeasure – I noticed the barista's sappy smile in his direction.
I mentally rolled my eyes as I stopped in front of her.
''Hi, can I help you?'' she asked, turning her attention to Gabe.
I cleared my throat and raised a brow, looking at her with annoyance.
''Uh, hi. Can I get... 6 hot chocolates?'' I asked.
''Yeah! Sure,'' she said, momentarily distracted that I was ordering, as she punched in our order into the computer in front of her.
''That'll be $18.57,'' the barista said.
I sighed, and peeled a twenty out of my wallet.
''Here -'' I started, but was interrupted as Gabe approached the counter and laid down a ten.
''That should cover two of the drinks, right?'' he asked the barista.
She looked at him, a dumb smile plastered to her face. ''Y-Yeah, two drinks,'' she said, as she took the ten.
I looked at Gabe.
''Didn't we all agree that I was going to pay for the drinks?'' I asked him, a note of suspicion in my voice.
''Yeah, but consider this a token of my appreciation,'' Gabe said, the mischevious look I knew so well appearing in his eyes.
I laid down another ten on the counter and stared at him, dumbfounded.
''Thanks.. I guess,'' I said, as I began to move away from the order counter.
''Don't you want your change?'' the barista behind me asked, as she held the extra bills and coins in her hand.
''No.. You can just... Keep it,'' I said, waving my hand, as I moved over to the opposite counter to pick up the hot chocolates.
Gabe followed me to the opposite counter to help me pick up our drinks.
''I can afford to buy my own drink, you know,'' I muttered, crossing my hands over my chest.
''Oh, I know that, Mads,'' Gabe said, draping his arm around me casually. ''I just wanted to treat you – it's called kindness, hun, ever heard of it?'' he asked, as he tipped my chin up to his face with his thumb.
I frowned.
''I guess we're not clear about the no-touching policy?'' I asked him bitterly, as I shook off his thumb and arm.
''What no-touching policy?'' he asked, smiling at me sweetly.
I scowled back at him.
''The no-touching policy that says you cannot touch me. Ever. Because the last time I let you touch me, Gabriel, I ended up alone at the park after midnight, with my heart shattered into a million pieces, and you never even fucking cared. All you cared about was stupid fucking CHARLOTTE, and your stupid fucking DRUGS,'' I hissed at him, the anger that I had been with-holding for so long finally bubbling out of me.
His facial expression immediatley hardened.
''Maddie, listen, I -'' he started, but I interrupted him.
''Drinks are ready,'' I said coldly, as I picked up four of the six cups, and made my way towards the corner booth occupied by the rest of Cobra Starship.
May 2005
He kept calling me.
He just wouldn't give up.
Everyday, when I'd come home from school, I'd check my answering machine – and sure enough, there were his messages.
On bad days, there were as many as four.
On good days, I could get away with two.
I wanted to put it all behind me – forget it had ever happened.
Forget the pain I had put myself through.
Forget the hurt that I had been wallowing in for the past month.
But he wouldn't fucking let me.
Even at school, he tried to talk to me; at my locker, in the cafeteria, through notes in English, Chemistry and History.
I refused to acknowledge him.
Refused to even pretend he was alive.
But he wouldn't fucking stop. What was I going to do?
