read the memo.
by Barfalicious.
#
A soft knock on her door sent Ellery jumping; she turned on her bedside light and glanced at her clock--it was past two-thirty in the morning.
"Yeah?" she called out hoarsely.
The knocker took this as their cue to come in, and did just that. Ellery glowered at the boy as he shut the door behind him with a soft click.
"It's almost three, Adam," she frowned, sitting up in her bed. "What do you want?"
An anxious expression spread across Adam's face. He could only stare at her for what seemed like hours; Ellery felt suddenly self-conscious under his gaze, wearing boxers and a large t-shirt (that was probably his anyway), even though he'd seen her in much less. She was still in her sleepy haze, too tired to remember to be mad at him--but that didn't mean it kept her from being any more than civil.
He strolled to her bed--then, as if thinking better of it, recoiled back to the wall parallel to her bed, his stare unwavering. Ellery only waited in silence.
"I'm sorry, Ellie," he whispered. "I know I was bad and wrong and hurt you--I'm...I'm sorry."
Ellery didn't trust herself to respond.
"I never thought it would upset you," he continued. "I...I never thought."
"You started harrassing him before you even knew his name," Ellery muttered stiffly.
Adam looked down sheepishly. "I just...I don't like him--"
"You don't even know him--"
"I don't have to know him, Ellery!" he argued helplessly, a pained expression on his contorted face. "I know he's not me and I know that I don't like that he gets to go out with you!"
He sunk down to the floor, his knees bent as he rested his crossed arms over them. Ellery was silent for a moment as he avoided her eyes that bore into him.
"You're jealous," she whispered, realization flooding through her.
Adam only inspected his hands more intently. "You're different with him"--he took a deep breath--"It's something you never are with me. Something I never saw, never noticed. Not until I saw you with him," he mumbled, meeting her eyes finally. "You're happy."
Ellery didn't know what to say. The hurt expression on his face was enough to make her want to forgive him a thousand times over. At the same time, she knew she couldn't, that even her forgiveness wasn't enough anymore.
"You're my Ellie," he breathed, confusion hung on each word. "You're Lily's sister, you're one of my best friends."
Ellery could only nod as he continued.
"But he makes you happy," he stared at her intently now. "You've been out with him once, and you've known me for years...but you've never looked at me like you've looked at him."
A wave of guilt flushed through Ellery at his words; she forced herself to break his gaze.
"Adam," she tried, but she couldn't find the right words. Nothing she could say would change the truth.
"I made you cry," he whispered. "I was a jerk, and I'm sorry, Ellie. It wasn't okay, don't forgive me for it. I don't want to make you cry, ever"--he stared at her guiltily--"I hated seeing you cry."
Ellery looked away abruptly, but she knew Adam caught the expression on her face.
"That wasn't the first time," he breathed, shocked. "I've done this to you before? I've hurt you like this, made you feel like this before?"
She didn't have to answer, Adam already knew.
"I'm sorry, Ellie--I never want to hurt you--"
"I know, Adam," she interrupted, unable to take his kindness after their last encounter in which she was so awful to him.
He sighed. "I'm not going to ask for forgiveness," he whispered. "I don't deserve that"--he furrowed his brow, not breaking his gaze from her--"But can I ask just one thing?"
She nodded slowly.
"I know it's not my place to know if anything happens with James, or with any other guys..." he paused. "But please don't take me out of your life because of how I acted before. It's no excuse, I know, but I just..." he took a deep breath. "Even though it's none of my business, that doesn't mean I don't wish it was my business anyway."
