Too Weak, Too Afraid {memo}

Blake's POV

I knew where she was headed to. She prolly wanted to "get away"...I cringed at the irony. I slowly made my way up there. She called me perfect. Why? After all that I've done to her, I'm perfect? I'm so confused. Isn't she still scared of me? That's the only reason why she'd want to leave...the only reason why she'd not want me anymore.

But she said I was perfect and amazing. I reached the plateau to find Joselyn at the edge balled up, faintly crying into her knees...the setting sun sending long shadows everywhere. She looked up towards the Gulf.

"I cry too much." I took a couple steps toward her so I could make all the tears go away but she halted me. "No Blake. It's hard enough already."

"Ugh! What is going on?"

"I'm leaving."

"No. I won't let you."

"Blake-"

"And another thing. If you're still scared of me then why'd you say I'm perfect and amazing?" She glanced behind her shoulder.

"I'm not afraid of y-"

"Then why are you leaving me?!"

She jumped up and faced me...she was pissed?! "FOR YOU! I'm doing all this shit for you!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! I don't want you to leave!"

"Well I have to or else you'll get hurt!" Her voice cracked on 'hurt'.

"Wha-?"

"You're gonna get hurt! They know about us now! They're gonna hate you and hurt you just like me! I ruined your life!" She was on the brink of tears again and was breathless.

"Do you want to leave?" I asked slowly. She hesitated before shaking her head. So she wanted to protect me and leave even though she didn't want to.

I looked at her...she didn't look well. Her eyes were red and sunken, her face was tearstained, her usually glowing skin was dull...she looked so weak. And it's because of me. She's killing herself because she wants me to be okay.

I quickly pulled her body to mine and cupped her face in my hands. Whether she loves me back or not, I don't care. I can't hold my love back anymore. "I'm not afraid anymore." I mumbled. Then I brought my lips to hers.

Joselyn's POV

Blake brought his lips to mine. He kissed me so gently. I immediately felt any kind of resistance in me fade away...the part of me that wanted him won.

I leaned in closer and raised onto my toes. He must've been waiting for my reaction because his still lips began to move...so did mine.

He moved one of his hands from my face and wrapped it around my waist. He held me tight like he never wanted me to go away but light enough so I wasn't squeezed to death.

We stopped for some air but I wanted him so badly I just couldn't wait. I leaned in again but where his lips were sposed to be there was only air. I scrunched up my eyebrows and opened my eyes to see Blake smirking. "Wha-?" He planted his lips on me before I could finish. Hey! He teased me!

I slid my arms around his neck. He pressed his lips down harder and nipped my bottom lip. I parted my lips but before he could get all French on me, I pulled back and ran away. Take that!

I got over the railing and into his room before he caught me...well more like tackled me to the bed. We landed on our backs so I quickly rolled on top of him and pinned his arms over his head.

I leaned down and whispered with my lips on his ear in the most seductive voice I could make."I like to be on top." I felt his pulse quicken. I lightly closed my teeth on his earlobe. I trailed kisses up his jawline while straddling his waist.

When I reached his lips, I hovered over them and breathed onto them. He picked up his head to kiss me but I moved back, just outta his reach.

He growled and pushed himself up so we were face-to-face. He gripped the back of my head with one hand and cupped my face with the other. "Stay still this time." he grumbled, his voice full of lust and want.

I would've been kind of scared if I didn't feel exactly the same. We slammed our lips together. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and I let him explore it.

On a 1-10 hotness scale, this was at least a 34. There was just so much heat and passion.

He moved his hands down to my waist and twirled his fingers into my shirt. I smiled into the kiss when he moved his hands up and down my sides...his cold hands on my bare skin felt so good it gave me goosebumps.

I felt Blake smirk...oh I know what he's trying to do. But I'm gonna make him moan first.

I took my lips away from his and moved to his neck. I kissed here and there...where is it--he took a sharp intake of breath. Found it. I started sucking his skin on that spot. He moved his head the opposite way, exposing more of his neck...oh yea I got this in the bag.

He suddenly started massaging the lower part of my stomach right above my "area", rubbing deep circles into my skin. Damn it...it felt amazing.

I could feel it build up in me...the muscles where he was massaging clenched up and squeezed tighter and tighter begging to be released, but I refused to let it out.

I brushed my teeth against Blake's "sweet spot" and lightly bit it. A low sound emitted from the back of his throat...he moaned. Mission complete.

I met his lips again and this time I roamed his mouth. I ran my hands through his silky hair.

He kept on massaging but he rubbed deeper..he moved an inch lower below the waistband of my shorts and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I threw my head back and moaned loudly. "Joselyn." Blake moaned against my neck.

He wrapped my legs around his waist and crawled under the covers, his body on mine. He leaned on his forearms so his full weight wasn't on me.

He left soft, gentle kisses along my neck while I played with the hem of his shirt. He stopped at my collarbone then sat up and took his shirt off.

As he leaned down again, I slid my hands up his ripped torso then tangled my fingers in his black curls. His hands went straight to the hem of my shirt but he paused. I reached down and pulled my shirt off, exposing my chest. He fell onto his forearms again and we kept making out.

Out of nowhere, Blake grinded his hips into my waist. Some kind of sensuous bolt shot up my spine and I arched my back to him, pressing every inch of my body to his...he moaned against my lips.

He grinded into me again and this time I could feel the effect I had on him...if you catch my drift.

Pretty soon it was just our underwear left. He laid on only one of his arms while his other hand tickled my lower back.

I took one of my hands out of his hair and it made its way down his neck...down his back...and I poked my fingers into his boxers on his hip bone. He immediately tensed and and his lips froze.

"Are you sure?" I took a deep breath, then nodded.

He sat up and scooted back a bit, his eyes locked on mine. He picked up my legs and rested them on his shoulders.

He grabbed onto each side of my underwear and pulled them up my legs but he never glanced away from my eyes.

My breathing quickened as he leaned forward and grabbed something from under his pillow...a condom. Well at least he's safe.

I giggled. "Under your pillow?"

"Yeah for easy retrieval. You're not the first to be in this bed."

Ouch. I felt a pang in my chest. "But you're the only one I truly care for." he whispered in my ear.

I turned my head and saw the sincerity in his eyes. He kissed me tenderly then he sat back up holding the condom with his teeth.

My heart was pounding against my ribcage...jeez you could even hear it! Wait no...that's Blake's heartbeat.

I looked away as he shed his last piece of clothing and put the condom on. This is it...and I'm flipping terrified.

Warm, soft lips kissed my ankle. My heart fluttered. He placed delicate kisses down my leg to my thigh then he moved to my belly button and tickled it with his tongue...I giggled.

He caressed my legs then moved his hands up my sides. He kissed up my middle in a straight line, following the path of his obsidian ringlets, then stopped at my chest, which I tried to slow down from its rapid rising and falling.

He slowly entwined his trembling fingers with mine as he leaned into me.

I tried biting my lip but it still didn't stop the whimper that came out. Blake snapped his head up in alarm and started to get up but I wrapped one arm around him and pulled him back down.

I smiled to reassure him. "That did not feel like a tampon." I said slightly out of breath. He giggled and brought his free hand to my face.

For a moment, he just looked at me...and then I saw it all in his eyes. He was just as nervous and scared and overjoyed and excited and every other emotion I felt...but one emotion stood out for both of us. Love. And I knew that we were both sure that we wanted this.

He leaned in again and I would've whimpered again but he crashed his lips down on my lips.

He started out slow and at first it really hurt like a bitch. But soon pleasure replaced the pain.

I moaned into the kiss. He moved his hand from my face to the back of my thigh and kissed the base of my neck.

He gradually went harder and faster.

My free hand slid up to the back of his shoulder and gripped it.

Every muscle in my body squeezed tighter and tighter just like before but even better.

Our grips on our intertwined hands tightened.

I curled my toes and arched my back again.

Blake groaned louder and louder into my neck.

I dug my nails into his back.

Finally I let it leave my lips. "Blake!"

He collapsed onto me and laid his face down in my hair. We both gasped for air. He slowly slipped out and slid by my side onto the bed.

I didn't know what to do so I rolled away from him. He grabbed my waist and snatched me to his chest.

"Where do you think you're going?" I didn't look up from his plump, inviting lips.

"I don't know. I heard guys wanted their space on the bed." I said sheepishly. Smooth, Joselyn...real smooth.

He smiled and his teeth glinted in the moonlight. "That's only because they don't have you to cuddle with."

I looked up at his blazing blue eyes...they shone even through his dark hair.

He had the same look as so many times before...the familiar one I could never figure out. But now I knew. It was the look from my dream.

I tilted my face up so that our lips touched. The kiss was slow and sweet. He licked my bottom lip and I opened my mouth but a bit too wide and instead I yawned.

He pulled back and chuckled. He rested my head on his chest and enveloped me in his arms. I returned the favor. He kissed my hair.

"I love you Joselyn." I tightened my hold on him. "I love you too."