"I still can't believe you'll be gone for three months !" Breanna said to her best friend.
"Dude, chill ! It's ONLY three months." Shanon said while running around her room.
There were three suitcases on her bed and Shanon was throwing stuff into them quickly and randomly. Breanna was sitting in between the suitcases, picking up every piece of clothing Shanon throwed in there.
"Yeah, for you it is. We all know you would love to spend the rest of your life with Brendon. But for me it'll be three months of not climbing over the fence." Breanna said while folding the clothing properly before putting them in the suitcases.
"That's so not true !" Shanon yelled while grabbing her I-pod and charger of her desk.
Breanna just gave her a look and continued folding.
"Okay, so what if it is ? It's not like he thinks of me in that way, so you have nothing to worry about. In three months, you'll have your neighbour back."
You see, there are three important things you need to know about Shanon.
The first thing is that Shanon is not only best friends with Breanna, they are also neighbours. Or well, their gardens are neighbouring. Ever since the age of five, they climbed over the fence into each others garden when they got bored and just had fun together. Ever since the age of ten, they climbed over the fence and met each other in the garden to go to the park or the mall or something. And ever since the age of fifteen, they would climb over the fence and climb into the other ones bedroom to comfort them when they had boy(friend) trouble. Cause that's what best friends are for, right ?
The second thing is that Shanon is about to leave for three months. She had just gotten a call from her other best friend, Brendon Urie. He had asked if she wanted to go on tour with him and the guys, since summer had started and she wasn't starting college until next year. Off course, Shanon had made a happy dance around her room and screamed yes. And that's why she was packing right now.
And the last thing you need to know is that Shanon has a major crush on Brendon since about a year. They hadn't seen each other in a long time because he had been off touring with the band and had only spoken over the phone or through mails. And when he got back, Shanon couldn't help but see how handsome he had become. Add that to the fact that he has always been the friendly, smart, funny, sarcastic and sweet guy and you'll understand why Shanon fell head over feet. Brendon meant the world to her. And that's exactly why she couldn't tell him how she felt. She told Breanna and she told Ryan, but she couldn't tell Brendon. Part of her wanted to, but a bigger part of her was scared he didn't feel the same, scared of losing their friendship. So she didn't tell him and tried to be content with just being best friends.
But enough about Shanon, on with the story.
"Many things can happen in three months, but if you say so..." Breanna said giving Shanon a sceptical look.
"Yes, I say so ! Now come here and give me a hug before I leave." Shanon answered while closing her last suitcase.
Shanon opened her arms and engulfed Breanna in a big hug. After that, the girls dragged Shannons suitcases, her beauty case and her backpack down the stairs to the front door.
They hugged again and said their goodbyes.
Shanon watched Breanna climb over the fence and yelled she would call to tell her everything as Breannas head disappeared behind the fence.
XXX
When Breanna had disappeared, Shanon closed the door, locked it and turned around while putting away her key.
Next thing she knew, she was tackled and landed on the grass with someone on top of her.
"Muffin !" a familiar voice yelled from above her.
"Brenny Bear !" She yelled back while pulling her best friend into a hug.
"Hey, don't call me that !" Brendon said and sat back up, just as she expected he would.
"Then don't you call me muffin and don't tackle me !" Shanon laughed while pushing him off and getting up.
She made her way to the three guys standing on the side walk next to their car.
"It's so good to see you again ! It's been way too long !" Jon said while pulling her into a hug.
"Same here. Next time less Chicago, more Vegas for you !" Shanon responded while kissing him on the cheek lightly.
Then she stepped over to the next guy and pulled him into a hug as well.
"Hey Spence, everything okay ?" She asked before kissing his cheek.
"Same as last night." Spencer grinned.
After releasing Spencer, Shanon looked at Ryan. He just smiled at her before pulling her into a hug. She kissed him on the cheek as well and his lips slightly brushed her forehead.
"Hey ! I thought I was the only one allowed to do that !" Brendon pouted.
He had gotten up from the grass and put his arms around Shanons waist to pull her close to him.
Shanons happy expression changed for just a split second. The change came and went so quick that nobody had noticed. Or so she thought. Cause off course Ryan had noticed her smile fading for a moment.
Right after that Shanon smiled at Brendon and said: "You have to earn such priveliges Bren. And tackling me isn't going to do that. But carry my luggage to the car and I'll think about it."
Brendon laughed and released his grip on her. He ran to her suitcases standing next to the door, followed by Jon and Spencer.
Shanon looked at them and laughed when Brendon stumbled over her beauty case in all his enthousiasm.
Ryan followed her gaze for a moment. Then he slowly opened the trunk of the car before speaking up.
"I really think you should tell him."
Ryan told her that everytime they were alone. Shanon knew he was only trying to help, but it didn't feel like that.
"And I really think I shouldn't Ry. It's none of your bussiness anyway !" She hissed while Brendon walked over to them with a suitcase.
"You made it my bussiness when you told me !" Ryan hissed back, unfortunately loud enough for Brendon to hear.
"What did you tell him ?" he asked eagerly.
"Nothing !" Shanon and Ryan said in unison.
Brendon looked from one to the other before putting the suitcase in the trunk.
"I'm sorry !" Ryan mumbled.
"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have reacted that way. Don't worry about it." Shanon reassured him before grabbing the backpack Jon handed her and getting in the backseat of the car.
Brendon pretended not to care about their conversation, but Shanon and Ryan both knew better. And they knew he wasn't going letting it go until he found out their secret.
XXX
A couple of days later, Shanon was laying on the couch with her head in Brendons lap and her feet in Ryans. Ryan was typing on his sidekick as usual and Brendon was reading a comic book while brushing Shanons hair slightly. They were in the guys dressing room at the venue they were supposed to play that day. Jon was sitting in a corner with Eric, the bands keyboard player. They were both looking at Jons laptop, which apparently showed something interesting.
Shanon watched Spencer announce he was going to get some food while he walked out the door.
She looked at Brendons gorgous face above her for a moment and allowed herself to enjoy the touch of his hand.
"Okay, I'm officially bored right now. Can anyone tell me which bands are playing at the moment that I could go check out ?" She said after a minute or two.
"The Hush Sound is playing in a few minutes." Ryan informed her without looking up from his sidekick.
"I've already seen them perform three times this week. Who's playing at the other stage ?"
"I think that I heard Greta say that they were performing at the same time as that German band. What are they called again ?" Jon said while looking up from his laptop.
When hearing the words German and band Shanon raised her head and sat up straight.
"You don't happen to be talking about Tokio Hotel, do you ?" She asked Jon.
"Yeah, that's it !"
"Oh my god, I have wanted to see them for ages !" Shanon exclaimed while jumping up and down the couch a little.
Eric raised an eyebrow while looking at her.
"Please don't tell me you like their music. Cause I heard them and.. well, let's just say they're not my kind of music."
"I don't know what they sound like." Shanon admitted. "I just read so much about them on the internet. A lot of teen girls seem to love them, so I'm curious what they are like."
She turned to Brendon, who was still reading the comic book.
"You want to come and watch them with me ?" She asked him, secretly praying he would say yes so they would be able to spend some time with just the two of them.
"If you tell me what your secret is, muffin" He said while smirking at her.
Shanon sighed. Ever since Brendon overheard her and Ryan talk, he would pop that question at the most random moments. By using his nickname for her, he tried to annoy her so she would give in and tell him.
"I guess that's a no then." She said.
"I'm sorry, maybe some other time. Now you go have fun and be a good girl." He said before planting a soft kiss on her forehead and focusing on his comic book again.
"Don't worry daddy, I will.." Shanon smiled at him before getting up.
She shared a look with Ryan, mouthed It's okay in his direction and walked out the door.
XXX
The band had just started their second song when Shanon reached the front stage.
By the time the band started their fourth song, Shanon realised she was noddig along to the rythm of the music.
Tokio Hotel turned out to be not that bad after all. She would probably never buy their cd, but the music was okay.
Too bad she had trouble understanding the words sometimes. Not that Bill – the banners in the crowded had learned her that was the singers name – wasn't singing loud enough. It was just that his voice got overpowered by fangirl screams from time to time.
Shanon looked at the crowd for a moment. She didn't really get what all the fuss was about. The guys weren't extremely ugly, but they weren't extremely good-looking either.
Most of the banners seemed to be directed to Bill. Shanon looked over at the stage again and tried to discover what was so special about him.
Hair like lion. Perfectly manicured nails. Smokey eyes she would love to be able to create herself.
No, she couldn't find anything she really liked. She never had a thing for androgyn men anyway.
As Shanon came to this conclusion while studying Bill, he suddenly looked in her direction. He smiled at her and winked, before turning back to the crowd.
Although she didn't like him, Shanon still felt herself blush a little.
"At least there's one lead singer that notices me. Too bad it's the wrong one!" she muttered to herself.
During the rest of the concert, she tried to focus on the music. Yet she couldn't help but see Bill glance in her direction every now and then. And everytime he noticed she saw him look, he would smile at her.
At the end of the concert, Shanon politely applaused with the crowd before heading to the backstage. Just as she turned around, she noticed Bill looking in her direction again and she could feel his eyes burn holes in her back as she walked away.
XXX
As Shanon entered Panics dressing room she found it to be empty, except for Ryan who was sitting on the couch typing on his sidekick.
"Someone looks like he's in need of some company ! Where is everybody ?" Shanon said as she jumped onto the couch next to Ryan.
"Finally someone notices the signals !" Ryan grinned as he put away his sidekick in his jacket.
"Jon's on the phone with Cassie, so he needed some privacy. Spencer is playing hacky sack with Eric and Shane somewhere outside and Zack went to talk with the stage security guys. And I actually have no idea where Brendon is. He's probably getting some food."
"He probably is ! God, I wish I had that boys metabolism !" Shanon laughed.
"So tell me, how was the concert ?"
Shanon opened her mouth to answer, but got interrupted by a knock on the door.
"It's open !" Ryan and her yelled at the same time, causing them to laugh.
The door opened to reveal Bill, the Tokio Hotel singer. When he saw them sitting there laughing, he blushed a little.
"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something ?"
"It's no problem. How can we help you ?" Ryan said while gesturing Bill to come in.
"Well, I was wondering if I could talk to your friend for a moment ?" Bill asked while stepping inside.
"Oh, I see !" Ryan smiled while getting up.
"I'll let you two talk then. I'll go outside to do... something..." He grinned while passing Bill on his way to the door.
Bill blushed again at Ryans response and Shanon smiled at his reaction.
"Don't pay attention to that. Ryan likes to tease people. Have a seat Bill." Shanon said while patting the spot next to her on the couch.
"You know my name ?" Bill asked confused, sitting down next to her.
"It wasn't hard to figure out from all the indecent proposals in the crowd. I'm Shanon by the way." Shannon grinned.
"Right, off course. Well, nice to meet you Shanon. I noticed you during the concert. Did you enjoy the show ?" Bill said while shaking her hand.
"Yeah, I noticed you noticing me." Shannon laughed while winking, causing Bill to blush again.
"And I must say you guys suprised me in a good way. It's not like I'm suddenly a huge fan or something, but seeing as your fans reminded me of the crazieness seen during Backstreet Boy concerts, I was pleasantly suprised by your sound."
"Well, it's nice to hear that." Bill smiled at her.
There was a silence for a moment and Shanon noticed Bill looked kind of nervous. He wasn't looking straight at her, but was fiddling with one of his rings.
"So tell me Bill, what is it that brings you here ? Cause I find it hard to believe you just wanted to ask me what I thought of the concert."
When Bill looked up to her she noticed he was blushing again. He said nothing for a moment and Shanon just smiled at him, waiting patiently for an answer.
"Well, this is probably going to sound crazy, since you don't know me at all. But I was wondering ifyouwouldliketogooutwithmesometime?" Bill mumbled when he finally found the courage to look her straight in the eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't get that last part ?" Shanon said, smiling because of his nervous behaviour.
Bill took a deep breath and looked at her again.
"I was wondering if you would like to go out with me somtime ?" He repeated slower, by now scarlett red.
They both looked at the door as they heard someone laugh.
Standing there was Ryan with a huge grin on his face.
"Forgot my sidekick." He explained as he grabbed his jacket from the couch and pulled the sidekick out.
"Sorry about my reaction. I just couldn't help myself." He said to Bill.
"You think I am making a complete fool out of myself !" Bill mumbled, still scarlett red.
"No, it's not that. It's just that you don't stand a chance. Shanon is totally not into guys wearing make up." Ryan explained, being more blunt than Shanon had ever seen him before.
"I only wear make up on stage !" Bill defended himself.
"Even if you do, you still don't have a chance. She didn't fell in love with... her crush either untill he got rid of the make up on stage." Ryan grinned.
Shanon gave Ryan a death glare before turning to Bill. But before she could say anything, there was another voice coming form the door.
"You really think you are that special Ryan ?"
Shanons eyes grow big as she turned to the door. The same look could be seen on Ryans face before he turned as well.
"Believe me, you're not. Shanon doesn't like you that way, with or without the make up." Brendon grinned, standing in the doorstep.
For a second there was a silence in the room, but Ryan recovered quickly.
"Who says I was talking about me ? Cause don't worry, I wasn't !" He shot at Brendon.
Now it was Brendon whose eyes grew big in suprise.
"So that's the secret you guys were sharing !" He squeeled while sitting down on the couch, completely ignoring Bill.
"Why didn't you tell me ? I'm your best friend, I can keep a secret ! So tell me, I wanna know too !" He pouted, sounding excited like a five year old over ice cream.
"You're such an idiot Brendon !" Shanon said while pushing him aside so she could talk to Bill.
Meanwhile she tried to ignore the feeling she had to throw up and the tears stinging behind her eyes.
"Aww, I love you too Shanon !" Brendon grinned, trying to pull her into a hug.
Hearing him say those words took Shanon over the edge. She couldn't take it anymore, she needed to get away.
"I'm sorry Bill !" She muttered to the guy, who clearly didn't get what was going on.
She pushed Brendon off and made her way to the door. When she passed Ryan she felt his hand trying to grab her, but she ignored him and continued walking.
When she was about ten feet from the room, she heard Ryan yell "God, you are so oblivious !" but she didn't care.
For now, she just needed some time to get her mind straight again.
XXX
An hour later, Shanon still didn't know what to do.
The last week she had been on an emotional rollercoaster.
Everytime Brendon smiled at her, everytime he hugged her, everytime he was close, Shanon would feel her heart rise in her chest. But everytime he would make her heart fall again by making a joke or talking about some pretty girl he noticed in the audience during the show.
Shanon had decided she just needed to clear her mind. Think about other things. So she had grabbed her I-pod and a writing block from the bus.
Right now she was sitting on a bench at the riverside, had one earphone in and was scribbling on the paper in her lap. Music and writing had always been the two things that seemed to calm her down when no one else could.
Suddenly Shannon heard someone sit down beside her. She looked up from her paper to see Brendon. She decided to ignore him and kept on writing. She didn't want to have to deal with him right now.
Brendon sat there quietly for a moment, just looking at her and searching for the right words.
"Nice place you chose. It's really pretty here." He started, apparently trying to see if Shanon was still mad.
When she kept ignoring him, he sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry okay. I didn't know Bill asked you out."
Hearing him say that Shanon couldn't help but look up.
"What ? What has Bill asking to do with the fact that you're sorry ?"
"Well, you apparently are mad at me for interrupting you. But if you want me too, I'll go find him and say you would love to go out with him."
Shanon sighed. How could she ever think this boy was smart ?
"God Brendon, you really are oblivious !" She spat at him.
"Why does everybody keeps saying that ?" Brendon yelled in annoyance.
"Because you are ! Don't you see that I don't want to go out with Bill ?" Shanon yelled back at him in frustration.
"What ? But then why are you so mad at me ?" Brendon asked, still not getting what was going on.
"Aaah !" Shanon yelled while tears started forming in her eyes.
"Just.. Nevermind ! I can't take this anymore." She yelled while getting up.
She ripped the paper she had been writing on from the block, crumbled it and threw it in Brendons face.
By now tears were streaming down her cheeks. Brendon tried to grab her arm, but she slapped him away and started running to the bus.
Brendon wanted to run after her, but decided it was of no use. Shanon clearly didn't want to see him right now, let alone talk to him.
So instead, he picked up the paper she had thrown at him. He unfolded it, smoothed it out and discovered Shanon had been scribbling down a poem.
I was untouchable
Until karma crashed my party
Found out I'm crushable
And I'm the only one who's sorry
Let me begin by saying what I mean
It's a crime against the heart you know
To be somewhere in between
Well don't be shy
I've got an open heart and hand
And I just might have to confess just where I stand
Lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
They say you've got a hold on me
And I won't disagree
But a rose won't blossom from a ground
Of desert sand, but I like to pretend that
One day I'll turn around, I'll see your hand reach out
I'm only fooling myself
But maybe when you smile
It means you'd stay awhile
Just maybe you'd save me now
I stop to catch my breath
And I stop to catch your eye
No need to second-guess
That you've been on my mind
Well I, I dream days away, but that's OK
It's like a splash of water to my face
When I suddenly realize
That you could never find a place
For me in your eyes, and I don't know why I keep thinking
So don't keep me up till the dawn
With words that'll keep leading me on
I know much better than to wait for an answer from you
Well I've learned a lot
And here's what I've got
Took me for granted
Planted thorns in this garden of mine
What are the chances?
My hope has died
Well didn't I think you would always love me?
And didn't I want you to take care of me, baby?
Well that ain't happening, no
And wouldn't I love just to rise above this?
You've gotta believe I've suffered enough to be free
So I'm officially leaving
A kiss on the cheek and I'm gone
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
By the time Brendon had finished reading tears were streaming down his face. He grabbed a black marker from his pocket and started writing something over the second part of the poem in big letters.
Things had finally fallen into place. Why Ryan had been keeping his distance lately. Why Ryan had been yelling at him earlier. Why Shannon had been yelling at him just a few minutes ago. Everything made sence. The reason that they wouldn't tell him that secret. The reason that Shanon was crying.
"Oh God !" He muttered to himself when that last thought crossed his mind.
"She crying. She's crying because of me."
He jumped up from the bench and ran to the bus as fast as he could.
When he entered the bunk area of the bus he found Shanon throwing things in her suitcase randomly.
Shanon looked up to see who entered and noticed Brendons eyes being red as if he had been crying.
She chose to ignore it and went on with packing her stuff.
"What are you doing ?" Brendon asked, trying to ignore the guilty feeling in his stomach.
"What does it look like I'm doing ? I'm packing my stuff ! I can't take it anymore, I'm going back to Vegas !" She spat at him.
"I want to talk to you. Please listen to me for a moment." Brendon said trying to stay calm.
"No, I don't want to listen ! Just get out ! Get out of the bus ! Get out of my life !" Shanon yelled at him.
Brendons heart broke when he heard her yell at him. But he couldn't let his emotions take over. Not now.
"If you would have said that half an hour ago, I probably would have left. But I'm not leaving this time until we talk."
"There's nothing to talk about !"
"Look, I get it now. I'm really sorry."
Shanon looked at him for a moment before responding.
"I feel like such an idiot. How could I be so stupid ?" She said with tears in her eyes again.
"I hate you !" She hissed, although she knew it wasn't true.
She could never hate Brendon. But Brendon felt his already broken heart shatter to pieces when she said that to him.
"Please, please don't hate me !"
"Get out !" Shanon yelled while she tried to push him backwards.
"Shanon, listen !" Brendon tried to calm her down.
"No ! Just get out, get out, GET OUT !" Shanon kept yelling while she was pushing him backwards out of the bunk area.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you !" She cried as she slammed her fists into his chest.
While she kept pushing him and slamming his chest, Brendon grabbed her arms. He ignored her fists banging on his chest and pulled her closer. When his arms were around her waist he hugged her as if his life depended on it.
Shanon slammed her fists on his chest a few more times before putting her arms around him as well and starting to cry in his chest.
"I hate me too." Brendon whispered sadly while gently rubbing her back.
They just stood there for a few minutes, Shanon silently crying and Brendon rubbing her back.
After a while, Shanon stopped crying. She was about to pull back from Brendons grip when she heard him starting to sing.
Listen, do you want to know a secret
Do you promise not to tell
Closer, let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
I'm in love with you
whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am home again
whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am whole again
whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am young again
whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am fun again
however far away I will always love you
however long I stay I will always love you
whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind,
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
When silence stepped in Shanon looked up to meet Brendons eyes. She found regret in there. Regret and a spark of hope. He looked so sincere.
She couldn't say anything and just kept staring in his eyes.
After a minute, Brendon spoke up again.
"I read your poem." He started out.
"I read your poem and everything suddenly made sence. The secret you and Ryan had, the way Ryan was being distant, the reason he and you both yelled at me. Everything made sence all of a sudden. I can't believe I didn't see this before. But I guess I'm not the only one who is oblivious."
He paused for a moment trying to find the right words.
"I have liked you from the first moment you sat down next to me at lunch when everybody else treated me like I didn't excisted. I was two years older, a loner with no friends, but you didn't seem to care. From that moment I knew you were different, you were special. Because you seemed to pick me over all the other guys you hung out with. Because you talked to me. Because you told me jokes. Because you would get me all those silly little presents, just because. Because you would take me out to go dancing in the rain. Because you would fall asleep in my arms and look beautiful. Because just looking in your eyes made me smile. Because you would let me kiss you on the forehead. I realised you were special, but I didn't realise how I really felt about you until I had to leave you behind to go on tour. Not a single day went by that I didn't think of you. I missed you so much, your voice, your touch. And every song would remind me of you."
He paused again and looked into Shanons eyes. He took a deep breath and continued.
"I should've told you how I felt but I couldn't. I didn't know how you felt and I was too scared to lose you. I'm sorry I haven't told you earlier. I know it's probably to late now and it's clearly you hate me, but... here." He said will handing Shanon the paper she hand thrown at him earlier.
Shanon took a quick look at the paper. Over the second part there was you're kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much, always on my mind scribbled in Brendons messy handwriting.
Shanon looked back up just in time to see Brendon turn around to leave and grabbed his arm.
"I don't hate you. I could never hate you Brendon. I love you !" She whispered while pulling him close.
Before her mind could register what was happening, Shanon leaned in and Brendon was meeting her halfway. When their lips met, it just felt right. Sparks flew and pulsed through their bodies.
Brendon put his arms around Shanons waist to pull her close and Shanons hands started playing with Brendons thick brown hair.
When Brendon pulled away, he leaned his head against Shanons forehead.
"That was... Wow !" He whispered.
"Wow with a capitol W !" Shanon whispered back while nodding in agreement.
Brendon just grinned that goofy smile she loved so much and kissed her again.
The kiss turned it to a little make out session that abruptly got interrupted when they heard a chorus of Awws coming from behind them.
When they broke the kiss, they turned around to see Ryan, Jon and Spencer standing there with huge smiles on their faces.
"They have finally seen the light !" Spencer yelled, making it clear that not everybody had been oblivious about how Brendon and Shanon felt about each other.
"Yeah, I guess I have to change my intro for Lying is the most fun a little now !" Ryan grinned.
"How about you just keep the 'Hey Brendon, you're single too huh' and then I'll go 'Sorry dude, love is for losers and I guess I'm one of them. Cause somewhere in between all our laughs, lang talks, stupid little fights and all our jokes I fell in love with this amazing girl.' "Brendon laughed while putting an arm around Shanons back and planting a soft kiss on her head.
"I love you muffin !"
"I love you too Brenny Bear !"
While a milion thoughts go racing through my mind
I guess I haven't said a word.
But have a little faith in me...
Wow, this turned out to be longer then I expected. But it thinks it's one of the best I have written so far.
Hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it !
Credits :
- Title : John Hiatt
- Shanons poem : Kate Voegele (mix of her songs, go check her out, she's awesome!)
- Brendons song : The beatles (Do you want to know a secret), The Cure (Love Song, which is an amazing song!) & Elton John (Your Song)
