[Gerard] This is Monroeville, Baby. [Way] :Ch1:

I stared up at Gerard in confusion. Did he just say what I think he did?

“You’re what?” I asked gently, hoping I hadn’t misheard him.

He looked in to my eyes, and told me the truth. I had no doubt what he said was false. “I’m in love with you, Emily.”

“I certainly don’t hear that everyday.” I told me. He laughed a bit.

“So…” He started nervously. “What do you have to say about the bombshell I just dropped on you?” There was a knock on the door. I rolled my eyes.

“I just have to say there’s someone at the door.” I laughed weakly.

“Emily, please.” He looked at me desperately. What could I say? I didn’t even know how I felt about him. Little did I know the next words out of my mouth would haunt me forever.

I opened my mouth, the knocking growing louder. “I love you too, Gerard, just not the way you love me.” I immediately regretted it. Gerard looked so incredibly pained. He got off me, grabbed his things and left without another word. What did I just do? Kelly stood in the doorway looking stunned. I stayed on the floor, not even bothering to move the cigarettes out of view.

“What’s going on, Em?”

Kelly walked in and shut the door behind her. “Well?” She said, fingering the cigarette packs. She looked at me with a questioning look. I covered my eyes with my arms, hoping the world to just go away.

“Gerard said he was in love with me.” I said, not joyous at all.

“And that’s bad? What’d you say back to him?”

“That I loved him too, but not the same way.”

“Oh…” Kelly sat down in the same spot Gerard was in when I found him in here when I got home.

“Did I make a mistake?”

“I don’t know. Did you?”

“Ugh! I don’t know! I’m so confused myself; I don’t seem to know anything anymore.”

“What’s your name?”

“Kelly, you’re not helping.”

“Sorry.” She said honestly. I stood up off the floor. “So, you want to tell me about this?” She asked me pointing to the cigarette remnants. All I did was shrug.

“I picked it back up when Jessie died, not like before, but only in stressful situations.” I didn’t bother using Gerard as an excuse, even thought he did tell me to. “Speaking of which,” I said grabbing one, “I need one.”

“Fine. Just don’t include me. You know how much I hate the smell of those things.” I nodded as she left. I lit up and looked out the window. There Gerard was pacing on the sidewalk. Should I just scream out, ‘Gerard! I lied! I really do love you the same way!’ Could I do that? I was so disappointed in myself as it was. I knew I broke his heart. I didn’t mean to, but I did. “Ugh. God, forgive me.” I said to myself. “Gerard!” I screamed out the window. Gerard seemed to look up in the general direction of my voice. “Stay there!” I screamed down to him. I ran out of my apartment, down the stairs and outside to see Gerard.

“What is it?” He asked pained. I could tell. This wasn’t the normal Gerard. This was a totally different Gerard.

“I’m so, so sorry!” I explained. “I didn’t mean for it to come out that way!” I stomped out my cigarette. I ran through what I was about to say in my head. “I’m in love with you too. I was scared, that’s all.”

“It’s ok, Emily. You don’t have to make up feelings just for my sanity.”

“Gerard, fucking listen to me, ok?!” I screamed at him, I even grabbed a hold of his shoulders. “I fucking love you. More than friendships, more than anything. I. Fucking. Love. You. Gerard. I do.” I stared deep down into his eyes, trying to see what he was thinking. All of a sudden Gerard kissed me, deeply kissed me too. This was no peck on the lips. My arms snaked around his neck as his hands grabbed firmly onto my hips.

I didn’t make the wrong choice. I knew I didn’t.

Gerard pulled away from me. “Please say you’ll be mine, always?” He asked putting his forehead on mine.

“Always and forever, babe.” I told him, then immediately was pulled into another deep romantic kiss. I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

In Gerard’s arms.

I just hoped nothing would ever happen to hurt this.

We pulled away again. “Listen, I have to get back to work. I know they’re already pissed at me for being gone so long.” I nodded. “I’ll call you later.” I smiled.

“Great. I’ll answer later.” We laughed, and with one last kiss Gerard let go of me. I watched him walk away a bit before I returned to my apartment, Kelly right there. “Why is it whenever I come home, there’s someone here?” I asked with a bit of a laugh. Kelly laughed too.

“Because this time you left in such a rush your door was wide open. What happened?”

“I finally decided to take chances.” I said with a nod. That was exactly it. Kelly clapped a few times.

“Congratulations. So what’s happening now?” she smiled.

“We’re dating.” I told her with a huge grin of my own.

“Sweet!” Kelly screamed, almost loud enough to poke a hole in my eardrum. I rolled my eyes at her. “Just you see. Things are going to get so much better for you.”

I sighed. “Did I make the right decision?”

“Babe, you made the perfect decision.”

I smiled. “Glad you think so. But it’s going to be so weird.”

“Why?” She reclined back on the sofa.

“Because. I haven’t had a boyfriend in what? Forever? It’s just going to be so awkward. I’m used to being the single one and my friends being the ones in relationships, not the other way around.”

“Em, just chill, kay? This is natural. The good karma is finally catching up to you. Just relax and let it glide you.”

I stared at her and couldn’t help but laugh. “You know you sound like a hippie, right?”

“Yes. I’m very aware of that, thank you.” I smiled.

“Well, do you mid leaving? I have some things to sort my mind through.”

“Sure no problem.” That’s just how easy it was to get Kelly out of my house. I shut the door behind her and was left to face my racing thoughts without her.

Some things were for sure.

Gerard is in love with me. Kay.
I’m in love with Gerard, right? …Right?

I don’t know, that’s exactly what I’m confused on. I remember being young I had taken a liking to him, but that was just some childhood crush. Was this just the same thing? Or the real deal? OR just the same childhood crush blown WAY out of proportion. Maybe that’s it.

Or maybe I’m just loosing it.

All I need is some soothing tea, a good book and Mozart to help calm my nerves. And it Mozart didn’t work, then The Used would work just fine.

I just can’t help but wonder if I led Gerard on just because I felt sorry for him. Scratch that. I felt bad that he acted the way that he did when I turned him down. It’s true. I did love Gerard. But. The question was…was I in love with him? Could I really be?

Ugh. Stupid emotions. They’re so confusing. So…annoying. I wish they didn’t exist.

Only time will be able to tell if I could feel any different for Gerard. Then maybe I can rethink things.