I Swear I Never Meant To Let It Die {Adam Gontier}

*REGULAR POINT OF VIEW*

"i can't get up!" cried out janin laughing. i looked at her and snorted. she was struggling to get her 8 month pregant belly and herself off of the couch. i took her hands and pulled her up "opph, thanks" she said, rubbing her back "fuck, i'm going to have spina biffida by the end of this pregnancy" she said, waddling over to the fridge. i smiled watching her, it had been my entertainment for the past months watching janin try and manuever her swollen stomach around the house. she was a constant form of entertainment. "i need neil here to flip me over at night so i don't get bedsores" i burst out laughing "you're insane" i said. she looked up, a jar of pickles in her hand "janin..." i said raising an eyebrow at her "it's my craving okay! shut up! atleast i don't have morning sickness anymore" she said, sitting down and sticking a pickle in her mouth "miss neil that much eh?" i said pointing at the pickles. she sneered at me "you're hilarious.... bitch" i started laughing again. i looked outside, it was august, summer! the lake was shimmering like diamonds "let's go outside" i said. bouncing up and down in my shorts and t-shirt. she rolled her eyes "help me up please?" i took her hands again, pulling her up. we walked outside. it was well into the evening, so it wasn't so blisteringly hot anymore, but the bugs weren't out yet either. i sat down on the chair on the porch, the cool plastic felt good against my bare legs. i breathed in a big breath of air. the aroma of the nearby woods filling my nose, it had rained earlier today, and everything smelled like it. the cedar tree's giving off their distinct smell. it smelt like adam. oh god, how i missed him. it had been 6 and a half months since i'd seen him, only a few more days and they'd be home. he'd be home. my days where filled with going to the barn, and going to janin's doctors appointments with her. it kept my mind occupied, but i still found myself thinking about him everytime i was in the waiting room at the hospital, or watching a lesson at the barn. he just took over every part of my subconscious. i sighed. i wished he where here right now, we could watch the sunset together on the beach, go swimming, walk along the beach. and he could kiss me for hours on end. i smiled thinking about how we'd sneak out at night when we where younger back in norwood and sneak into the community pool and go swimming. the simple days, when everything was fun and carefree. and our first kiss.

i was joined hands with adam as we ran down the dark street towards the community center, his fingers intertwined with mine. a towel under my arm. my bathing suit under my track pants and t shirt. it was july, the hottest day on record so far, the toads and frogs chirping on the ditches beside the road. it was the first day of summer after grade 9. adam let go of my hand and sprinted towards the doors of the pool. he expertly picked the lock and pushed the doors open. i quickened my pace and ran in. i shut the doors behind me, he wasn't on the deck. i walked over and flicked on one set of lights. he was sitting on a pool chair, pulling off his shirt, shaking his dirty brown hair with his fingers. he looked up at me, his eyes crinkled in a smile. i smiled back. he pulled off his jeans, his swimming shorts underneath, and jumped in the water, barely making a splash. i saw his figure below the surface, his arms pumping in effortless strokes. adam, my adam. my best friend in the whole wide world. we'd had every class except gym together. we spent every minute of everyday with each other. his head broke the surface, his blue eyes matching the clear blue water he was in. "come on, the water's great" he said, treading. i pulled off my pants and shirt, i noticed him watching me, his eyes trailing over me. i blushed and jumped in quickly so i could hide myself from him. i did a few laps in the pool, until my arms started getting sore. i grabbed the wall and slicked the hair out of my eyes. adam was sitting on the edge of the pool, water dripping off his hair, his chest muscular from all the sports he played. i swam over to him "what's wrong?" i asked, pulling on his foot, urging him to get back in the water with me.... how badly i wanted him in the water with me. "sorry" he said sheepishly "about what?" i asked confused "for looking at you... like that. i'm sorry, that was wrong" i smiled. god, he was so cute. didn't he know??? didn't he know i loved him??? all those times we where alone together, i never said it to him. "don't worry" i said. he slid in the water "but i do worry" he said, moving closer to me. i swallowed "why's that?" i asked quietly, in almost a whisper "because everytime i look at you i want-" i pressed my lips against his, my eyes widened at my boldness, i was about to pull away when he kissed back. he pulled me closer to him, our feet left the ground, we where in the deep end. his tongue roaming my mouth, his hands resting on my hips. i'd wanted to do that for so long, for so long i'd wanted to kiss him. he pulled away, i didn't want him to though. "i hope you know, that i've wanted to do that to you forever" he said, trailing his fingers from my shoulder to my fingertips "i love you adam" i said suddenly. he looked suprised, a happiness in his eyes suddenly appeared that i'd never seen before "i love you too" he said, staring at me "always have, always will" he grinned "come on, it's warmer down below" he dove under the water. and just like that, i found myself going in after him, hook, line and sinker.

*ADAM'S POINT OF VIEW*

i was sitting outside the bus, a ciggarette in hand, thinking of all the ways i could kiss nicole when i got back home. i liked what i had so far. it was the last few days of the tour, we where in ohio, we where playing two shows here, this was our last date here. i saw ben walking out of the venue, i waved at him, and he switched directions walking towards me "what's up bro?" he asked. i shrugged my shoulders "just missing my girl. you?" he sat down beside me "don't we all, don't we all. it's always great going home though" he said winking at me. i laughed "nawww, i just wanna see her more than anything. that would just be a bonus" he laughed "you never cease to amaze me" he said "maybe you're just jealous. you can't keep your hands off me" i said, shoving him with my knee. he laughed "what can i say? you're intoxicating" "gotta light?" he asked after a few second of silence. i handed him a ciggarette and my lighter "thanks" he said, handing it back once he'd lit it. "so" he said, blowing out a stream of smoke towards the ground "how's neil's girl doing? she's pregnant right?" i nodded "apparently she's fine. he's just freaking that she's going to go into labour when we're not there. he just wants to be there for her, ya know?" it was true, neil could barely concentrate on what we where saying, he was bouncing around so much eager to get home "good man then, wanting to be there for your girlfriend" i smiled "yeah, you got someone at home?" i asked. he shook his head "not at the moment no, i ended it like right before we went on tour" he said laughing "that sucks" he snorted "not even adam, she was a bitch. atleast she turned into one. i fucking hated her by the end of it. don't you ever feel like that about yours?" i laughed "actually ben, no" he raised his eyebrow "i've never had those kind of feeling towards her, i think i love her too much to ever hate her. she could try and kill me and i'd still come crawling back to her" i said laughing. oh, how true it was. "wow" he said "that is really gay" i started laughing "thanks man, thanks" he smiled "i'm just kidding. that's good adam, i'm glad" i smiled. i was glad too. now, i just needed to see her, and we'd be set.