Paint by Numbers -0- Fill in the Empty Spaces of My Heart

Chapter Four: It’s the ones that fall that get eaten

My head throbbed as I woke up in an unfamiliar room and my head spun in confusion as I smelt something both delicious and disgusting, a mix between sardines and pastries. I groaned and tried to roll over only to be met with the sudden falling sensation and the quick kiss of a hard wood floor against my cheek.

“Graceful.” My heart jumped in surprise when I heard Jase’s voice from next to me on the floor. I opened my eyes to see Jase eating pancakes and watching cartoons while sitting on the floor just in front of me, now looking down at me with an amused look in his eyes.

“Even graceful Gazelles fall sometimes.” I replied indignantly, rolling over to sit up.

“It’s the ones that fall that get eaten.” He smiled back at me almost sweetly.

“You’re a jackass.” I half growled, half whimpered, my head still pounding. I closed my eyed and let my head fall back onto the cushions of the couch.

“Maybe, but then I would be a jackass that made pancakes and gave you a place to sleep. So, you going to get up some time today, or is my band going to have to practice around your unconscious body?” Jase’s voice returned to his usual taunting yet nonchalant tone.

“I’m up, and I’ll be leaving soon.” I stood up quickly, immediately regretting it. A wave of dizziness hit me mixed with the already present pounding in the frontal part of my skull causing me to almost lose my balance, luckily I stayed upright. Jase was watching me warily but hadn’t moved from his spot so mustn’t have cared too much. I quickly shook off the feeling and went to the kitchen to get a plate of the aforementioned breakfast foods.

I must have looked like a fool searching through all of the cabinets in the tiny kitchen for a plate because in a minute Jase had appeared behind me and pulled a plate, a fork, and a knife out of what I’ll claim as thin air. I had to pretend that the pancakes weren’t amazing and obviously homemade; it almost made me laugh and wish I had fallen off the couch early enough to watch the generic emo boy cooking early in the morning. When I was done I was left with the dishes to clean thoroughly and put them on the counter, still not knowing where the hell they went.

“Jason Francis Burns! Open your front door or I’ll pee on it…again!” I jumped back against the kitchenette counters as the loud voice and knocking against the door startled me. It caught me so off guard that it took me until Jase got to the door to realize that they had used his full name, even his middle name. I stifled my laughs and waited to watch the parade of boys walking into the small studio apartment.

“Whoa, a girl; our bad, Jase, want us to come back later?” There were traces of amusement and pride in the question but I was stuck speechless at the connotation that I would sleep with Jase.

“Whoa, Joey?! What the hell is going on that you two were here together? Alone? And weren’t you wearing that yesterday? And what the hell happened to the both of you? You look like you’ve been jumped by wolverines.” Cal stepped forward in the group and was looking between the two of us for an explanation, one that somehow becoming harder and harder for me to find that made any sense.

“Joey? As in “Devil Bitch Joey” that Jason wants dead or incinerated? You’re that Joey?” All of them were giving me looks that were crosses between skeptical and disapproving, each topped off with sprinkles of disgust.

“I think that would be my queue to leave. Thanks Jase.” I went to the side of the couch and picked up my large army bag and walked past the group of still staring boys to the hallway, not able to handle all of the delicious maliciousness headed my way.

“Joey,” Jase called after me but I pretended not to hear, I just kept my head down and kept walking. “Joey,” he called after me again as I made it to the stairwell.

“Johanna!” Jase’s hand wrapped around my wrist like he had the day before and I don’t know if it had hurt when he did that or if I had been crying as I had left the apartment, but by the time I was turned to face Jase tears were streaming down my cheeks and I felt extremely aware of my surroundings.

Like how Jase was just standing stupidly in front of me, not knowing what to do with the crying girl (who was supposed to be his mortal enemy) in front of him. Or the fact that three other teenage guys, only one of whom I knew vaguely, were watching me cry in a moldy dim stairwell. And that Cal was on the phone frantically trying to find Mimi to see if she knows what the hell is wrong with me. And all the while the thing that is holding my attention the most is the stupid fact that stupid Jase was still holding onto my wrist.

“Jo-“

“Stop it! Stop being nice! No letting me crash on your couch! No saving me from my dad! No pancakes! And no coming after me when I leave! Why can’t you just go away?!” It was my turn to be stupid now as I yelled at him. My split lip hurt and the pounding in my head returned as I cried harder.

Now this is the part where every girl wants to hear their true love say “I won’t go away, I won’t leave you alone,” yeah, well, this is what happens when it’s your childhood enemy:

“I will gladly after I make sure you don’t leave any of your shit in my apartment.” And with that he dropped my messenger bag at my feet and walked away. I was still crying, and Cal was still on the phone with Mimi telling her that I would need a ride. I guess I wasn’t as “extremely aware of my surroundings” as I thought I was. If I was I would have noticed my bag in Jase’s other hand, the one not holding onto my wrist.

Cal left me soon after and I made my way downstairs and outside where the sun was shining brightly and the birds were chirping. Mimi took a bit to show up so I just sat and waited, tears flowing slowly but steadily down my cheeks, off my chin, and onto my knees. When Mimi did arrive with her Jeep Cherokee I threw my bag in the back and we drove straight to her house, Cartel blaring the entire way.

“So, what happened?” Mimi looked at me worried and I sighed, relaxing in the seat. I had stopped crying and was so beyond the point of exhausted that I knew I wouldn’t start again but I didn’t want to have to explain it.

“Jase gave me a ride home and must have heard my dad starting to frea-“

“I guessed that, I mean in the stairwell when Calvin called me,” Mimi was patient with me, learning that some things escaped me that was quite obvious to others. That might have been my downfall in the stairwell as well.

“I don’t really know. Stress I guess and, well, I don’t know! You know me better, tell me what’s wrong with me,” I whined. I leave it to Mimi to figure out the inner workings of my mind for me.

“You know you can only stay with me for tonight, right? My parents will start to ask questions and then you’ll have to deal with them.” Mimi sighed and pulled into her driveway. I nodded knowing the routine quite well by now. Pulling only a few select items of clothing from my large duffle bag and slipping them into my messenger bag I followed my friend in the front door of her house.

My day was spent sketching and drawing while Mimi was at work and topped off with a scolding shower. Some days all you need is screaming music, charcoal, off-white paper, and something to release the tension in your muscles. I was comfortable at Mimi’s house, but that night on her couch I almost missed the fishy taco smell of my bed from the previous night.

I sighed and rolled over ignoring the thought and fell asleep. It was easy to fall asleep when I pushed all of the thoughts of yesterday from my head, all of the thoughts of Jase from my head.