All The Things [[Gerard Way]] We Put Each Other Through (4)

“Still struggling to remember things?” Gerard asked Sam one morning while she was making coffee. She’d been attending “counselling” so she could try to remember what happened to her before she crashed. Frank had told her, honestly this time, the real events of the past six years and now she just had to remember them herself. “I just feel like something’s still missing,” she sighed, handing him a cup of coffee. “Like…I was in love or had a child or something and I can’t remember them!”

“You never had a child, believe me on that one,” Gerard told her. She made a face. “I just wish I could remember the happier times of the past six years, I don’t want to remember being made a joke of in magazines or being told to lose weight or crashing my car, I want to remember something good,”

“I see,”

“Something that obviously made the last six years work for me,” she continued. “Something that kept me going,”

“Ambition,” Gerard told her. “You were very career driven,”

“Gerard, you’re my best friend, right?” she asked him. He nodded. “Tell me about everyone I ever dated over the past six years,”

“Well…you went out with a lot of actors for short periods of time-“

“Was I ever in love with any of them?” she asked eagerly.

“Nope,” he told her. “You went out with Chad from New Found Glory-“

She raised her eyebrows.

“No freaking way!” she shouted loudly. “What happened with that?”

He laughed at my reaction.

“You just broke up-naturally,”

“Oh?”

“Then you went out with Heath Ledger for a month-“

“I remember we broke up the night of the Academy Awards,”

“Do you remember how?”

“He…left me a voice message?”

“Yup-what did it say?”

Sam scrunched up her face and searched her mind. “I…was in love with someone else?”

“Do you remember who the other person was?”

She shook her head weakly as she struggled to remember the message. She remembered that she was outraged when she received the message but then she had realised how much truth was in the message and had gone to do something about it. She’d gotten together with Gerard. “You,” she said. “I…I was going out with you?”

He nodded. “Oh my god,” she laughed. “I was going out with you and I couldn’t remember?”

“Looks that way,”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered sitting up on the counter. “I remembered that I’d liked someone a hell of a lot for the past six years, I remember that,”

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“Sorry,” she muttered again.

“What for?” he asked her.

“I’m never going to be the girl that you love anymore, this stupid shit has fucked me up-“

“You’re still stubborn and funny and ridiculous,” he pointed out. “Nothing except your memory is fucked up,”

“I’m not ridiculous!” Sam told him firmly. “Stubborn, yes, always have been. Funny, maybe I am but I’m not ridiculous,”

“That sounds very like you,” he smiled half-heartedly.

“You miss her, don’t you?” she asked.

“Her? I miss you,”

“We’re not really the same person,” Sam shrugged. “I’m sorry I’m not her anymore,”

“Sam, you forgot a couple of years of your life-that doesn’t mean you’re not the same person, you’re still the same person I fell in love with,” Gerard told her.

“Gee, that’s the thing, I don’t remember falling in love with you, and that’s got to be completely shit for you,”

“I’ll wait for you; I’ve no problem however long it takes for you to fall in love with me again,”

“You’re going to wait for me?” Sam asked unsurely. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do? Don’t feel like you have too,”

“I want to,” Gerard told her, squeezing her hand. “A lot,”

* * *

“I can’t believe that he’s dead,” Sam murmured, kneeling down beside her dad’s tombstone. “It’s weird but I feel safe,”

“That’s not weird,” Gerard told her, taking a seat beside her. “He used to beat you up,”

“I know…but he was still my dad, shouldn’t I miss him a little bit?”

“I’m sure you do, you just don’t know that you do yet,” Gerard shrugged. “It doesn’t make you a lesser person,”

“Doesn’t make me selfish does it?”

“Nope,”

“Okay, well, I’m going to go and see my mum, do you want to go see your grandma?”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll see you in ten,” Gerard kissed her on the cheek and Sam sat looking at the tombstone. “Now, I know I’m not meant to curse in a graveyard,” she muttered at the tombstone. “But…fuck you dad. I miss you and everything but fuck you for making me feel so fucking stupid and worthless. I hate you but I miss you. I hope you didn’t feel too much pain but let’s face it, your pain was a couple of seconds or minutes long, mine was two years long and nothing you went through could ever compare to what you put me through. So goodnight and good luck,” Sam stood up and walked away from the stone which represented her dad and then walked to her mother’s one. “Hey mum,” she greeted the tombstone and started chattering conversationally as she fixed up the grave. “I hope you’re okay,” she commented. “I’m doing pretty well. I remember some stuff but it’s a little hazy, but I’ll probably re-gain my memory eventually right? Gerard and I are going out again…but at least I freaking remember it this time. They’re going off on their next tour soon and I’m off to Miami to shoot my new film but it’ll all work out, it always does. You taught me that. Anyways, got to go, I’ll be back soon. I love you. I miss you,”

She stood up and walked towards the gate of the graveyard and waited for Gerard. “Did you talk to your mum?” he asked as they got back into the car and put on their seatbelts. “I did indeed,” she muttered. “Unfortunately, she had nothing to say back,”

“Ah,” he grinned at her and turned on the radio.

“Are you going to miss me when you go on your tour?” she asked.

“Of course,”

“I’m not going to miss you when I go to Miami,” she teased.

“Why not?” he asked, offended.

“I’m taking a bit of you with me,” she told him and patted her stomach knowingly giving him a wink.