Me: (Rams through the wall on a llama) Onward, my trusty steed!! (looks around) …OH. Well then, today I've dragged in all the Homunculi, and we're gonna bug the ever-loving crap out of 'em.
Envy: Say what?
Me: I said nothing.
Gluttony: Hey Lust, can I eat that?
Lust: No, you'll get sick if you eat that.
Me: Eh heh... heh... Anyway, I should move on to Question 1. Question 1! Envy, are you a boy or a girl?
Envy: WHAT THE HELL?! …Actually, it kinda depends sometimes, BUT I’M A BOY NOW, DUMBASS.
Me: Such love I’m sensing.
Scary: Well, in his defense, you’re a moron.
Me: OHMYJESUS IT’S A VAMPIRE.
Scary: Yep, it's me. The amazing daylight vampire. Back from running from the F.B.I.
Sloth: Amazing daylight vampire?
Envy: What in the name of Shamballa is wrong with you people?
Me: That's a good question. But don't worry about it. You're pretty weird yourself.
Envy: I AM NOT!!! (Turns into Arnold Schwarzenegger holding a machine gun)
Scary: And that definitely wasn't weird at all.
Envy: I'm picking up the sarcasm.
Scary: Good, cause I'm layin' it on pretty thick.
Envy: SHUT UP!!
Scary: BITE ME!!
Schmieder: Agaaaaaa…
Envy: Well, that was the stupidest thing I’ve heard in a while.
Me: Ehh, it happens. Hey, Sloth, I’d get that looked at if I were you.
Sloth: ...What?
Schmieder: Agaaaa…
Me: Yeah, definitely.
Peacock: (from behind Envy) Sorry about that; she got loose.
Envy & me: JESUS, WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?!
Peacock: Good question.
Me: You don't know where you came from?
Peacock: You’d think I would, wouldn’t you…?
Pride: This is just a question, and this is just a guess, mind you, but is there any medication you four have forgotten to take today?
Me: …There very well might be… (Looks at watch) Hey, it's time for Tiki to appear. WHY ISN'T SHE APPEARING?! WHERE IS SHE?! Oh no... she's watching me... she's trying to corner me... OUT THE WINDOW!! (Jumps out window) WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVIN’, PEOPLE ARE FALLIN HERE!! (SPLAT!)
Tiki: (Walks in through door) Hiya, guys! Sorry I'm late, traffic was a bitch.
Me: (comes out of closet) TIKI, YOU KNOW I GET NERVOUS WHEN I CAN’T SEE YOU.
Greed: How’d you...(Looks in closet and out window)
Me: Okay, back on schedule, Question 2! Who-
Peacock: Question 2! Who created all of you?
Me: AAAHHH! Don't do that! You'll give me a conniption, like last time!
Peacock: So you’re saying I should do it more often, then?
Me: I hope you die.
Envy: Dante and my dad created me.
Lust: Scar's older brother.
Pride: Dante.
Wrath: I got made by my mom, Izumi!
Sloth: I was created by Ed Elric himself!
Gluttony & Greed: The author doesn't know who we were made by.
Me: Hey! I just didn't have enough time to go on the internet in the five minutes I made this interview! And in my defense, well, I’m tired.
Schmieder: The mighty Internet knows the answer to all questions
Tiki: FISH!!!
Me: WELL, then.
Tiki: I wanna read the next question!
Me: Fine, fine, whatever.
Tiki: YAY! (Steals script) Question 3! How do you make a Homunculus?
Lust: Every time human transmutation fails, a Homunculus is created.
Schmieder: Really?
Lust: Really.
Schmieder: Really really?
Me: Do you EVER stop talking?
Schmieder: …Really?
Scary: OH MY GOD, JUST STOP.
Me: Hey, where'd Peacock go? Oh no... she's trying to corner me... YOU'LL NEVER GET ME, YOU BIRDHEADED FREAK!! OUT THE WINDOW!! (Jumps out window)
Peacock: (Walks in) Hey, I just got back from 7-Eleven. What'd I miss?
Me: (comes out of closet) …Y’know, I wish that would’ve happened maybe four lines up.
Envy: How do you keep doing that?!
Me: SPECIAL.
Wrath: I agree completely.
Peacock: LYK SHUTTUP FR SRSLY.
Australian monkey: (Appears out of nowhere and tries to eat Pride) SQUAAAAAAAW!!!!-Mate.
Pride: GET IT OFF ME!! GET IT OFF ME!!!
All: (Watches)
Freaky: Well, that was… odd.
Schmieder: I'm part squirrel!
Freaky: You're part what?
Schmieder: Ok I'm not a squirrel anymore!
Scary: This is possibly the most idiotic conversation I’ve heard in the last twenty-four hours.
Me: That’s not really saying much, now is it?
Pride: HEY, IN CASE YOU MORONS HAVEN'T NOTICED, THERE'S A MONKEY ON MY HEAD!!
Me: We noticed, and it’s not that we don’t care, it’s just that... Well, no, it’s pretty much that.
Pride: Oh, I feel special now. GET IT OFF ME!!
Tiki: (Pulls monkey off Pride) Always have to do it myself…
Monkey: G'day mates!
Me: MONKEYS ROCK!!
Monkey: (Jumps out window)
Lust: Yeah, that was weird.
Gluttony: Weird, weird.
Lust: What did I say about copying me?
Gluttony: Not to.
Lust: … then knock it off.
Sloth: Shut up, you two. You sound like them.
Lust: Oh God...
Freaky: Who're we interviewing next time?
Me: Sigh...You never give up, do you?
Peacock: Nope! Now who're we interviewing?
Me: I dunno. Akito, maybe?
Freaky: MUST... ATTACK!!!
Me: Yeah, I know. Poor guy.
Tiki: Tune in next week for the Akito Sohma Interview! Or something…
Me: STOP READING MY SCRIPT, DAMMIT!!!
