Me: (falls through the ceiling and hits the interview table) AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! (Brushes self off and acts like a good reporter) Hiya people! Today I knocked out Kyo Sohma and brought him here!
Kyo: Wha…Where am I?
Me: You’re being interviewed by a bunch of asylum escapees and a talking peacock.
Kyo: Oh, God. This is the place where that cat freak hangs out, isn’t it?
Me: Well, the cat freak’s actually on vacation-
Freaky: Did I hear something about a kitty being interviewed?
Me: Well, we all saw this coming.
Freaky: MUST….PULL…..KITTY EARS!!! (Goes over and pulls Kyo’s ears)
Kyo: GET THE HELL OFF ME!!!
Freaky: (manic laughter) KITTY!!!
Kyo: I’M NOT A CAT, DAMMIT!!!
Freaky: Then why do you have kitty ears and a kitty tail?
Kyo: Umm…I don’t.
Freaky: Yes you do.
Kyo: No I don’t.
Freaky: Yes you do.
Kyo: No I don’t.
Me: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP SO I CAN ASK THE DAMN QUESTION?
Kyo: JUST DO IT SO I CAN GO HOME!!!
Me: Question 1! Ahem…what is your favorite animal?
Kyo: I turn in to a cat, what do you think my favorite animal is?
Me: A monkey?
Freaky: A fishy?
Peacock: A rat?
Me: Where the hell did you come from?!
Peacock: Internet.
Me: You… came from the Internet.
Peacock: Yup. Now, kitty guy, what is your favorite animal?
Kyo: It’s a CAT. …Imbeciles…
Freaky: I WUV KITTIES!!!
Peacock: Ok then.
Me: Back away slowly.
Freaky: Hey, you made up my nickname; the least you could do is figure out what it means!
Me: Peacock, ask the next question while we’re still young!
Peacock: OK! (Pulls out script) Question 2! Do you hate Yuki?
Kyo: OF COURSE I DO! I’m gonna beat that damn rat and then I’ll take my rightful place in the Zodiac.
Me: Trippy. (pulls out Yuki plushie) What about this cute, fluffy Yuki plushie?
Kyo: When did they start making plushies of that damn rat?
Me: They made a plushie of you too.
Freaky: (pulls out Kyo plushie) … (twitch)
Kyo: Stalkers… … (twitch) Damn rat.
Peacock: Don’t let Yuki hear you!
Kyo: What’s he gonna do about it?
Yuki: This. (Jumps through the wall and kicks Kyo in his evidently empty head)
Me: WHY DO YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS DESTROY THE DAMN ROOM?!
Schmieder: Agaaaaaaa…
Me: Um, Kyo? There’s something on your head.
Kyo: What is it? I’m a little busy trying to get out of these damn chains so I can kill the stupid rat!
Freaky: No, really. You should try to get it off before it sucks out whatever brain you have.
Kyo: I HAVE A BRAIN!
Yuki: Ok, I think I should go.
Me: Yeah, we’ll be coming for you next, so enjoy your freedom. While it lasts. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
Yuki: Whatever floats your boat. (Jumps back out of hole in wall)
Me: Ahem…SCHMIEDER!! GET OFF THE KITTY’S HEAD!!! Ahem…
Schmieder: ME WANT ORANGEY GOODNESS!!!
Kyo: ORANGEY GOODNESS?!
Peacock & me: (pulls Schmieder off Kyo’s head)
Kyo: Ewww… Idiot drool on my head…
Schmieder: Agaaaaa…
Freaky: MUST…PULL…KITTY EARS!!!!! (Pulls Kyo’s ears)
Kyo: Get your finger off my head, dammit!
Freaky: MUST PULLLLLL… (continues to pulls kitty ears)
Me: Freaky, those aren’t kitty ears. Those are his actual ears.
Freaky: Nuh-uh!
Me: Yuh-huh!
Peacock: Nuh-uh!
Me: Ok when did you join the conversation?
Peacock: Ummm…Internet?
Me: Sigh…Whatever. Peacock, give the script to the psychotic freakshow.
Peacock: Which one?
Me: Either one.
Peacock: (gives script to Freaky)
Schmieder: Hey, what about me?
Peacock: What about you?
Freaky: Ahem…Question 3! Do you like Tohru?
Kyo: WHAT THE HELL GIVES YOU THAT IDEA?!
All: Everything.
Kyo: NO! I don’t like her! So there!
Me: Hahaha! He’s knee-deep in De Nile!
Kyo: I AM NOT!!!
Scary: Hey, kitty guy, you might want to yell a little louder. There might be a few people in Switzerland that didn’t hear you.
Kyo: Oh crap, there’re more of you?!
Tiki: Yup!
Kyo: DEAR LORD.
Scary: I love this job!
Tiki: What job? We’re just here to annoy as many people as humanely possible.
Scary: Exactly.
Me: Ok then! Schmieder, you read the next question!
Schmieder: (Steals script from Freaky) Question 4! What is your favorite color?
Kyo: OMG you’re dumb.
Freaky: And proud of it!
Me: …I never thought the phrase ‘OMG’ would EVER come out of your mouth. Been spending a little too much time in chat rooms or something?
Kyo: Shut up.
Me: There’s a stunning lack of denial there.
Tiki: So what’s your favorite color?
Kyo: Orange, morons!
Peacock: What rhymes with orange?
Me: Nothing rhymes with orange, you fool!
Peacock: How would you know?
Me: You’re talking to a person who’s memorized the dictionary here!
Peacock: WHAT ABOUT ‘DOOR HINGE’?
Me: Let me rephrase that: there’s no ONE word that rhymes with ‘orange’.
Peacock: Damn you.
Kyo: SHUT UP!!! GOD, YOU’RE ALMOST AS BAD AS MOMIJI!!!
Tiki: No, he would kill us all with his unstoppable and somewhat creepy hyperness.
Kyo: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! (Goes on rampage while still chained to chair)
Schmieder: Mission accomplished! Again!
All: Tune in next week for the Yuki interview!
Me: Dammit, will you quit reading my script?!
