Deathnote: What goes around comes around... I hope... (1)

But now I even found myself wondering what was going on. How was this right? I stared down at the newspaper before me, baffled. Two weeks worth of criminals had just been murdered. And this is while Light and Misa Amane are still in confinement. In fact, it's been exactly two weeks since L had Light put under surveillance. I know Light had given up ownership of the Death Note, but did that mean it had fallen into someone else's hands? I didn't see how they would be keeping up with his strict regiment of killing criminals, or why for that matter. It didn't make sense, I'd just use it to eliminate my enemies, not kill off the world's criminals. How was this still happening? Who had that fucking notebook now?

"He's in the gray."

My head shot up at those four words. I looked dead at Lawliet, who appeared uncomfortable.

"Did you hear that chief? He's in the gray! Yesterday he was definitely guilty! It looks like he's one shade away from being cleared!"

"What?" I knew my voice came out softly, yet somehow menacing. Matsuda looked over at me, confused as he met my gaze. Ryuzaki's eyes slid on my direction, before meeting them.

"Yeah, Ally, there's no way he's Kira. He's been under surveillance this entire time and the killings are still going on," Matsuda stated.

Without proof, there was no reason for me to try to convince them otherwise. In their worlds, they were right. They didn't know what I did. Secrets like that were the bane of my existence. I had never had to keep one that large though. Usually it was little things like, so-and-so cheated on whatserface with the new slutty girl, and junk like that. It was never, oh, that guy is a murderer, but you can't tell anyone or I'll kill your boyfriend. Nope. That had never been the stipulation. Generally i would have spilled the information by now. But no way was I risking it. His life was that important to me.

I'm not a total bitch, but there aren't a lot of people I hold in high enough regard to not turn in a mass murderer. In fact, I didn't even hold myself in that high of regard. If it would have been me, Light Yagami would be executed already. But. This is Lawliet's life. I'm fairly certain if he had even the slightest idea I was protecting him, he'd tell me to stop, and just tell him already. But I can't. Actually, what I said before about there not being many people I wouldn’t turn in for a psychotic killer? I lied. He's the only person I wouldn’t. I love my family, but I would sacrifice them. I know, I'm heartless. Maybe I am a total bitch. Maybe in the process of pushing everyone away, I turned off my ability to care for others as well? I didn't know what I was thinking, except that I couldn’t lose him, and I wouldn’t be the reason for his death. That fucking shinigami had found my one weakness, and played it to it's full advantage. What a low blow.

Then again, a part of me is wondering why I'm worrying. Light did give up his memories, didn't he? And he was pleading innocence, which as far as he knew, he was. So why was I worrying about him killing L? He couldn't do much damage now, when I thought about it. He was actually about as deadly as a baby.... a baby fly. A maggot. Yeah. I liked that. Maggot. Because I didn't like him, and I didn't like them. He can't kill Lawliet, because he doesn't have the notebook, and Misa Amane obviously doesn't have hers either. So, really he can't harm L. It just seems odd that he would give up the rights to his memories, and his dreams of being a god. He doesn't seem like the type who would go down without a fight. A part of me insisted on not worrying, while the other part, well, the other part continued to suspect that something wasn't right.

"I guess you're right," I mumbled while picking up a mug of hot chocolate and tossing the newspaper aside. I tried to ignore the fact that Lawliet's eyes were boring holes into my skull, and focused my attention on the deteriorating marshmallows in the hot chocolate. I had been the only one with him from the start of this, dead set on Light being Kira. I hadn't voiced my opinions very much on the case since the task force learned of my existence, but they knew I believed in Light's guilt. He may have said Light was in the gray, but I knew better than anyone he just said that to appease them. Now, I had vocalized some sort of agreement with them. To him it probably looked as though either his one ally was turning on him, or also attempting to satisfy the taskforce.

As night rolled around, Matsuda left. That meant I was alone with Ryuzaki, and I had a feeling it wasn't going to be pleasant. I was now on my second pot of hot chocolate, and felt mildly wired. No point in acting tired; he had seen me drink much less off the stuff and knew there was no way of me sleeping with that much sugar in my system.

"Evra."

I froze mid-sip. He'd never called me by my actual first name. It was always Evie. This could not be good. I guess that meant he was serious about whatever was about to happen; or be said. I peeked over the top of the cup at him, his face was unreadable as usual.

"You sincerely agreed with the others earlier," He stated. He didn't ask; he just stated it. Because it was a fact, and he knew it.

"Yeah."

"So, you really believe he's not Kira then?" He pressed. I knew he HAD been Kira, but now, he wasn't.

"No. Not now," I replied. Because at this very moment, Light Yagami was not Kira. Lawliet would pick up on the meaning behind my last two words if I knew him as well as I thought I did. I watched realization briefly flash across his face; and then it went back to it's previous unreadable state.

"You specialize in being cryptic, don't you?"

I sighed, looking up at him, "Only because you specialize in decoding."

He watched me quietly for a moment, "I understand you don't want me to ask about it; but I still don't understand why."

"Because I'm not as strong as you are."

All along I had felt that he would be able to do what I couldn't. I didn't want him to think I was weak. Valuing one life over many had to be weakness in his eyes. And I was weak; a fact I was learning to accept. I needed him and giving him up was an unbearable thought. I could and would sacrifice anyone. Anyone at all, but him. I felt like a selfish child unable to part from their favorite toy. But I wasn't a child, and he wasn't a toy. He was a human, whose life meant more to me than anyone.

"I don't think it's a matter of strength as much as it is a matter of values," He offered. "Everyone's are different. So you can't say I'm stronger than you based solely on our values. I may value one thing greater than you, or vice versa. You're not weak. There are just certain things each person holds above others, that they would not willingly sacrifice for anything."

I didn't quite understand how he had figured that much out as I sat there watching him. It would have been impossible for any other human being, or maybe not. Perhaps I was just that easy to figure out.

"So I'm that easy to read?" I asked, feeling my guard going back up. I didn't like having someone understand me that much.

"No. And yes. I've come to understand you are strongly driven by your emotions. Logic doesn't always have a lot of sway on what you do, instead, your emotions control the majority of your actions. Like when you caused the task force to discover you. That was a pure emotional impulse. How you feel has an immense power on what you do. And I believe that this is the reason behind your refusal to give me proof for the case. Any other person would have just thought you were being exceptionally stubborn. But there's more to it, isn't there?" He had remained sitting in his chair with his knees up the entire time. But the look in his eyes had constantly grown more intense. It was an increased confidence in what he was saying. I was almost certain my face had betrayed me; proving him right in everything he had stated.

"Yeah. Yeah, there's more to it," My response came out soft, my voice almost cracking.

It was quiet for a few seconds, then, "I understand. I won't ask what."

I looked over to him, an odd relief sinking in. It was good to know he wouldn’t push the issue.

"Thank you."

"You should know I'm not one to generally let things drop. This is only for you," He said as he stood up and walked over to me. Leaning over, he placed his lips softly against my cheek. Turning my head I looked him dead in the eyes. Hisshaggy black hair almost obscured myview. They still retained their likeness to apanda, but there was a softness to them I wasn't accustomed to, yet at the same time, an edge of seriousness lurked in their depths. "Evie, you're the only person I've ever cared about."

I think I stopped breathing.