War of the Ancients

Vladimir jumped down from the wagon. He made Alexo stop the horses, since he hated Alexo...Anyway, he walked causually to the woman, who desided to run into his arms and sob on his chest.
"Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas avec une femme si douce ?" this ment, to his amusement, "What is wrong to such a sweet woman?", he thought it was funny he was being so polite.
"Le gaurds, ils me poursuivaient pour aucune raison. Ils déclamaient de ma beauté ..." she pouted as she spoke, so much so that Vlad almost didn't understand. Alexo popped behind him, Vlad wasn't even aware he'd already parked.
"What's wrong with her? Is she okay?" Alexo exclaimed. The woman let out another sob. Just as she did, two gaurds jumped into the clearing, the same way she had come.
"S'il vous plaît! Tenez-les à distance!" she screamed.
"Appearently she was being harrassed by the gaurds. And strangely, I sense no lies. She's telling the truth, whether I want to believe her or not." Vladimir spoke in a low resonate voice, so the gaurds would not hear.
"Excusez-moi, messieurs, mais cette femme est un fugitve. Je dois vous demander de nous la donner." the fatter gaurd said, eyeing the woman lustfully.
"Je déteste gaurds gâté qui croient qu'ils sont plus hauts que la loi, juste parce que le service sous c'est la ceinture. J'espère que vous appréciez votre descente lente dans l'enfer, l'humain abominable." Vladimir spoke only loud enough for the gaurds to hear. They're faces first reflected confusion, then anger. They started to walk forward, swords at the ready. The woman tightened her grip around Vlad's neck.
"Why do I feel you didn't invite them for tea at the high elves palace?!" Alexo made a hysterical laugh.
"Probably because I didn't" Vlad grinned "You can have the fun, if you want, Alexo. I'm going to take her somewhere safe. The next town maybe. I've got some shillings, i'll get her something to eat. i think they take shillings here..." he wandered off into though, and before you could blink, he was gone.
"Why must he always do that?" Alexo mused. The gaurds stopped, flailing around, wondering where Vlad and the girl that was supposed to be thy're entertainment went. Or so Alexo presumed." I wonder what he said to them that ticked them off so much. hmph" his question wasn't much of a question, more of a statement. Within seconds, he was digging a hole in order to hide the gaurds disassembled, blood bodies.
"I also notice how I always seem to end up doing the cleaning..." Alexo sighed. Was Vladimir ever going to be resonable? For a second, he thought he almost cared what Vlad thought, but that thought flew out of his head quickly.
"I suppose I should continue this road until I reach Italia. I can only hope Vladimir catches up." with that, he reigned his horses off, into the darkness of nigh'.