I kissed James on the lips as he trailed his fingers down my back, making me shiver. I then sat up and slowly reached behind me and unclasped my bra. James let out an appreciative moan and started to make out with me again.
Reaching down blindly, I grabbed the button on his jeans and slowly took his jeans off.
“Dezzy,” he breathed. “Grab my wallet out of my pocket. Get the condom out.”
My breath caught in my throat and my stomach churned unpleasantly. I raised my head for a moment. “How did you know…?”
“The little things gave you away,” he said happily and grabbed me and began to kiss me again.
I broke away. “So, when I kissed you in August, you didn’t love me until you left for DI, right?”
“Yeah….” James slid his hands through my hair. "I love you so much." He smiled.
I felt my breath catch in my throat and my eyes burn with tears. "I heard you the first night you said that. That night you thought I was dead."
His smile faltered. "What?"
"I was trying to get back at you for making us watch the Mist. I wasn't even asleep; I was pretending to be dead." I sighed. Why was this so hard a difficult to explain?
James paused from running his hands through my red hair. "But you do love me, right?"
I opened my mouth with the answer when my cell phone chirped the high-pitched fast version of 'Lithium' by Evanescence. I grabbed it up in my hand and flipped it open.
"Hello?" I squeaked. "Hey, Josh…. Yeah, the concert was great…. Sure we just got out, but we were lucky, the closest hotel had an open room, so we got to our room really fast…. Thank you for calling, I really appreciate it…. Love you too, bye."
I snapped the phone shut and closed my eyes, trying to chase the picture of Josh's face when I would tell him I slept with James away from my mind.
Fail.
I reopened them to find that James had rolled off and was beside me.
"You're chickening out," he muttered softly as he sat up and pulled on his shirt halfheartedly.
I blinked back the tears as I sat up and pulled on my own shirt. "I'm taking a shower."
He scoffed. "Yeah, wouldn't want your lover to smell me on you."
I whipped around and stared as the back of his head. "Shit. I… never mind, you were just trying to get in my pants."
He turned angrily, his long black hair slapping him in the face. "What? What do you mean? I didn't want to get in your pants! I meant what I said!"
I shook my head in disgust. "Forget about it. I'm taking a shower," I said firmly as I picked up my cami, my underwear, and Josh's old boxers.
James shook his head. "I can't believe you. You know what, as much as this hurts, I take it back."
I swallowed hard to keep back the tears that were still forming in my eyes. "What?" I choked out.
"I take it back. I don't love you."
I turned, letting the tears fall. I looked right into his gray eyes and closed my brown ones. "I'm unhappy about that," I said formally as I turned on my heel and slinked off to the bathroom.
Without taking my clothes off, I slipped silently into the shower and turned it on. I sat there in the warm stream of water for so long, my arms curled up around my knees.
And in the end, I couldn't tell if I was still crying or if it was just the shower making my face wet.
