World War Me

rehab sucked... everyday i was seeing a different therapist and everyday i was asked the same questions..."why do you think you're fat?"... "is there a reason you don't eat?
it was like groundhog day... or in the words of edward norton, "everything felt like a copy of a copy of a copy..."
matt came to see me everyday... that was the reward for not offing myself... he came as soon as he got out of school, and left when they kicked him out. and occasionally he would ditch a class to come and see me. he brought me things... flowers, cd's, movies, my playstation 3... i was only happy when he was there.
after about a month, i was released, still wondering why they thought i was anorexic... i obviously didn't see it... all i saw was a near 150 lb girl staring back at me when i looked in the mirror... matt said that i looked close to 90 lbs when i passed out... and i gained weight when i was in rehab... 7 lbs to be exact... matt was happy... i found it to be an inconvinience... 7 more lbs that i have to deal with.
i decided that i would be on independent study for the remaining of the year... all 9 months that were left... matt signed up too... together we just stayed in my apartment all day... occasionally doing work... i was still weak so he helped me with everything... that is when he wasn't drinking...
ever since freshman year, all matt really wanted to do was drink... i remember going to his house to pick him up so that we could go to school and he was drunk... at 7:30 in the morning... and then puked on my shoes... i always wondered if his parent's knew... but they didn't care... they pretty much ignored him... kinda like my parents...
they always saw me as an inconvinence... so i eventually left... i like living by myself... matt doesn't really live by himself, but he pretends he does... just like his parents pretend they don't have a 17 year old son in their houseeating all of their food, drinking all of their alcohol, and recking the place with his parties...
one day i was sleeping on the couch while matt was palying my ps3 and he started shaking me...
"wha-?"
"do you like it here?"
"what do you mean?"
"i mean like... do you like living here? by yourself?"
"yeah... why?
"don't you miss having people around?"
"no not really... but if i do, i just call you to come over or i'll go to your house..."
"well what if you didn't have to call me anymore?"
"i don't understand"
"like what if i was always here... and never left?"
"i would like that..."
it took me a whilebefore it registered in my abnormally small brain...
"are you asking if you could move in?"
"well... yeah... like... no one likes me at my parents house... and if i stayed here, then i know that i'll be liked..."
his voice carried off...
"if not, then it's okay..."
"no... i mean... i mean that you can live here..."
"are you serious?"
"yeah... i'm serious..."
he smiled and leaned in for a kiss... before he did, i pushed him back...
"one condition"
"name it"
"not too much drinking please"
"deal"
then i let him kiss me