Every Tear Tells a Story *Ryan Ross* 1

“Left! Go left!” Spencer yells at me. We were playing a game on the Play Station 2. Brent’s asleep, Brendon is in the kitchen, and Ryan is at the Chinese place downtown. No clue as to why, seeing as we didn’t order any Chinese. I shoved the toggle on my controller to the left.

“No! Right, right! Go right!” I shove it to the right. “Okay, now run!”

“How am I supposed to do that?!”

“A! Press A!” I press A, and my character runs. Fun. “Run faster! They’re right behind you!”

“Who’s behind me?”

“Ugh! You’re hopeless!” I glance at him and roll my eyes. “Eyes on the screen! You’re going to hit something!”

“Hey, Ells, don’t you have a speech to write?” Brendon says, walking into the living room.

“I finished.”

“Really?”

“Yes-“

“Concentrate!” Spencer yells at me.

“Awesome, with 4 days to spare. Can I read it?”

“Yea, hang on.”

“Veer right!” Spencer yells. My thumb stumbles over the keys and I accidentally veer left. “No! Right! Go right!” A man with a butcher knife or something comes up behind me, and then slices my head off. My body drops to the ground and the words ‘YOU LOSE’ come across the screen

“Oops.” I smile, putting down the controller then stand up. “Come on, Bren.” He follows me into the bedroom, and I pull my vali speech out of the nightstand and hand it to him. He sits on the bed and reads. I sit next to him and wait for him to give me feedback. Halfway through his eyes get wide. Then he looks up at me and smiles.

“You’re telling him.”

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I hate being nervous. Hate it. I’m sitting on a chair surrounded by a sea of black robes. I’m wearing one too, but mine has a gold scarf thing because I’m the Vali. I jiggle my foot waiting for Principle V to finish her speech. Once she’s done it’s my turn. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. 34 seconds later, (I counted) she calls me up there. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god! I take one last deep, hopefully calming, breath and walk up to the platform the podium is on. Principle Vogel smiles at me and pats my shoulder. I really want to slap her. I turn to face the crowd and look at Brendon. He flashes me a nervous smile and I immediately see what’s wrong. Brendon, Brent, and Spencer are there. Only Brendon, Brent, and Spencer are there. Oh no. Principle V coughs, bringing my attention back to the speech I should have started by now. I really really want to slap her. I clear my throat and start.

“Thank you Principle Vogel. Faculty members, fellow classmates, and families, welcome and thank you so much for coming. I really didn’t think this day would ever come.” My classmates laugh and do that ‘woohoo!’ noise. “I prayed for its quick delivery, but now that it’s here, I’m sorry it has, because it means leaving teachers, who have become mentors,” Lie. I hate all the teachers. “And friends, who have changed and shaped my life forever.” Another lie. I hate all my classmates. “Ever since junior high, I’ve been breaking.” I scan the crowd to see if Ryan might have came. Nope. “And as I entered to last couple months of high school, I was finally bent to the breaking point, and was ready to collapse. But thankfully, I had friends and family to help me. I would like to thank my mom and dad, for giving me the emotional and physical strength I have today.” Well, that is true. “My friends, Brendon, Spencer, and Brent, who dared me to be different, and filled my ears and ipod with the music that I love.” I look at them and they smile brightly at me, I smile a weak smile in return. Then glance around for Ryan. No sign. “And, lastly, I would like to thank Ryan for being the best friend I could ever have. Ryan you’re wonderful, and so amazing, and,” I look around one last time, hoping as hard as I’ve ever hoped, for him to be here. He’s not. No, no, no, no, no, no, this is not happening. “And I love you. More than you could ever know.” Tears well up in my eyes. I force them down. I am not going to cry. Shock flashes across Brent and Spencer’s faces, and Brendon looks so sorry for me. I finish my speech with a quote about reaching for the stars then fast walk back to my chair. I hold back tears while in the line to get my diploma. I force a smile to Principle V as she hands it to me. Then continue to hold back tears as they ceremony finishes. Once it’s done I rip off my gown-I’m wearing the dress me and Brendon got, so It’s not like I flashed anyone-Then I rush to the car, so I don’t have to mingle. I ignore Brendon’s statements, (‘Oh, Ella, it’ll be okay.’) and Spencer’s questions. (‘Do you really love him?!’ ‘Have you guys done it yet?’) Way to be sensitive, Spence. I crawl into the back seat and lean my head against the glass. The boys clamber in soon afterwards. Brendon in the front seat, Spencer in shotgun, and Brent is sitting in the back with me. He looks nervous, as if I expect him to comfort me or something. I don’t think he’s ever been good at that sort of thing. After about 5 minutes of driving in silence, Brendon says,

“Ella, maybe he forgot, or maybe he got into an accident, or something.” A tear falls down my face.

“He promised me. He promised me he would be there.” Brendon stays silent after that. I don’t even care that he missed my declaration of love. But he wasn’t there. He didn’t come to my high school graduation. I sigh as more tears fall. About 10 minutes later we arrive back home. I trudge up the stairs and pull out my keys to unlock the door. I shove the key in the lock, only to find that the door is already unlocked. He’s here. He’s home. Why the hell couldn’t he be at the high school? I open the door and I automatically see why. Well, I don’t see why, I hear why. Moans escape from my, no, sorry, our closed bedroom door down the hall. Then I hear a small, petite voice.

“Mmm, Ryan, you do that so good.” My mouth drops open and my eyes grow wide. I turn and run out the door, shoving past the guys. I run out of the apartment complex and across the street to the park. A storm of tears and sobs over come me and I fall to the grass. He missed my graduation so he could fuck some girl? She probably works at the Chinese place downtown. No wonder Ryan has been spending all him free time down there. They probably get it on there too. I punch the grass, wishing I were someone else, anyone else, so I wouldn’t have to feel like this.